My mother has decided she needs to move to a nursing home. I quit my job to care for her, now she wants to sell the house where I leave too. I'm 63 and retired. There is no POA in place.Do I have any legal recourse. I can't afford to move

there is court action regarding care givers for med ill spouses can you advise cheers Al

The wife's siblings all got together and bought the mother and father in law's things- farm,car and truck,house. Not paying the market price for land and house. The wife and I refused to buy anything or have anything to do with it. I am the caregiver of both. But no legal authority I don't get paid. The truck I drive from my house to there house WAS offered to my wife we refused and it was sold to the sister in law, I told them as soon as it is transferred over I would stop driving it. And probably stop caregiveing as the truck is the only vehicle I have to drive. Just can't see how this can be legal the MIL still can make her own legal decisions but a son has a POA. But the FIL has none and has not been adjudged. Had the flu and while at home was told the other's wanted to put them in a nursing home for good as all the other's say they can't stand it, taking care of them. Don't know what to do don't want them in a nursing home there sacred of the idea, and I don't want any part of what's happening and without pay can't afford a vehicle. The idea of her buying the truck was for me to drive end keep coming so she can keep working. I worry about driving a stolen vehicle. I just don't know what to do, I know the wife Will try to insist I keep driving it.

My mother in law has her elderly mother who has dementia living with her. She often leaves her allow for about 30 mins to an hour at a time. What legal actions can be taken against her? She is in the state of ct and I don't know the laws on that.

Mother has Alzheimer's. Youngest sister is constantly
creating screeming matches with Mom. Mom seems to be jumping stages in a bad direction after each time. What to do?

My Mother just passed away in a hospice/board and care. There wasn't a will, and an Aunt came from Seattle and took Mom's only valuables, 2 rings and a necklace back with her after a 2 day stay. Those items belong to my siblings. How do I proceed when trying to get the items back?

Left my home and my three animals to care for mom. Three other siblings all of retirement age, and I am still working. Now traveling 100 miles a day. Cut my hours at work, which will decrease my Sosa security income and my 401(k). And paying for all the food and little necessities that are needed. Am I able to recoup any of this money legally in Florida.

I am a caregiver for my 86 yr-old mother who has Alzheimer's dementia and have gradually grown into the role of sole/primary caregiver for the last 3+ years since her diagnosis in 2012. It has become an increasingly demanding and difficult job as her condition has gradually regressed as expected. As a result of my experience in this role I have discovered many undesirable aspects of living with and caring for someone with this disease and also with the health care system as it pertains to elderly patients in need of attentive care. In addition, I've also have become aware of predatory practices of various institutions both private and governmental. As a result of these experiences, some of them recent, I have a few "horror stories" to tell regarding the behavior of outsiders who either "exploit" your "predicament" with caring for a loved one with a debilitating disease or, in the case of family & friends, of those who unexpectedly and shamefully outright ABANDON you (both person with disease and caregiver) with diminished or cessation of contact. Altogether, it has been a very depressing situation to have to deal with on a daily basis and I've discovered the need to reach out to others in the same capacity & role who likely have their own "horror stories" to reveal and share. From my own experiences and from what I read of others, it appears there is a lack of suitable and responsive laws & regulations in place to protect caregivers from institutional exploitation and from well-disguised predatory practices from certain institutions and authorities. Also, advocacy for caregivers in difficult situations needs to be enhanced and promoted to protect caregivers from becoming the disease's next victim (hence my screen name). We need this forum and additional enhanced forums for sharing & assisting those who are grappling with everything related to the disease and its effects (physical, emotional, psychological, financial and yes, even Legal!!). I hope to share some of my "horror stories" to enlighten and forewarn fellow caregivers in the near future. So stay tuned!!
Dementia Warrior in Massachusetts

My Mom has dementia and my Dad say he promised not to put in a home. She is not eating or keeping herself hygienically clean. I am POA but my Dad will not get her help because he know they will hospitalize her. He says he promised her he would not put institutionalize her. What can I do. She has starved herself into near death twice at less than 80 lbs.

My 92 year old mother discovered two years ago that my older brother had stolen her life savings of over $200, 000 and placed the title of her house in his name. He has completely shut off any correspondence with her or me and not responded to our lawyers letters at all, denying everything. Should we sue? I dont want to put her through this but she is a fighter and wants us to sue. I will also have to pay most of the legal fees if we do. Is it worth it?

My Uncle had CLL and I cared for him his last year through transfusions and chemo sessions and many Dr visits, I picked him off the bathroom floor and washed the excrement off him and he appreciated it promising me I will be richly rewarded beyond my wildest imagination, this was not my motivating factor, however he had a lot of money and it takes money to survive.Both my Grandmother and Uncle said having money makes being sad easier as well as being sick. My Uncle promised me his house(1 of 2) both worth $500k + excellent areas, paid for. He said he was worried about "Nana" after he was gone ,he knew we were close my entire life. I knew my future entailed being there for her in 2006 when my Grandfather died,(Uncle in late 07, my Dad in 09)My Grandpa, her husband of 65 yrs was gone and it seemed to not bother her much, if at all! She told me he had became cantankerous?? in his old age? huh? I was around & he was always the same,a joker but she loved him,they were my Ozzie & Harriet,as well as being like my parents as my Mom was only 17 yrs older than me. my Dad 19 yrs, I was like a 3rd son and adored by my Grandparents, even my Uncle,18 yrs older, became an actor, made a few million,never married, even had me come live with him in the LA hills age 16 to 18,another reason why I was asked to care for him. I promised him I would always be there and protect her,never turn my back on her, I never did & paid dearly.I sleep well in knowing I had no choice by my choice,but not so welll knowing how she felt at the end.Actually I knew a tiny bit inside that being involved with her on a daily basis & it was not going to be easy, but she was cute when she never called me on my cell phone once or twice but minimum 3 times to tell me something or remind me of another, usually within 15 minutes of my leaving the house to go shopping, and the list was never small or normal, lol. Mucinex, but the green bottle, Postum, Marmite, Krill oil, Nopolea, Co enzyme Q10, etc. She was cute about her cough syrup, at 1st,
She hated Walmarts cough syrup?? huh? but really liked Walgreens stuff? hummm? 1st red flag I was initially tickled by, she was as far as I knew not like one to even take a whole aspirin, but I noticed the stuff she liked was the real deal codeine and the stuff that pissed her off to no end was hyrocodone, which she had in pill form by the vat that she seemed to not mow through like the cough syrup! Rappers had just made the Purple drank a hip thing to imbibe I read, which amused me but in hind sight should have really made me re think this whole idea of being her care giver, it was an all encompassing 24-7 job and she was becoming seemingly grouchy, especially after Feb 2011 and Pradaxa was prescribed to her and she was poisoned immediately, I knew it, I saw it, I called the Dr and said she is really sick! worse now!, It was to be expected, she has an appointment next week(standing order blood, urine tests weekly) but I took her to the ER the next day and she was almost dead requiring 4 pints of blood and 2 plasma and weighing 105, most of her blood was gone! They told me I saved her life. Her life and mine would be forever changed after this drug Pradaxa was given to her, she had zero energy, could not eat but wanted to, had a sore spot in her stomach but it was a risk to even explore they said not worth it as at her age nothing could be done, she had a series of mini strokes, became paranoid and delusional to a degree not apparent without discussion when she would show me a scratch on a piece of furniture or a picture and say I trimmed the pictures edges! or scratched the furniture not accidentally but maliciously! I knew there was a really mean aspect of her but I was never the one she was directing it to ever before in my life which makes me ashamed now as I was fine as long as I was not being abused, I would not let my little brother be abused but I was used in her abusing others.

I grew up with a narcissistic,sociopathic dysfunctional ,emotionally violent,
drug addicted, sexually abusive family & I thank God they are no longer in my
life.My Grandmother made me call her "Nana"
Being called Grandma was not to her liking.
Nana never liked my Mom,my Stepmom,my Uncles girlfriends or 1 of mine.
(my GF Patty slavishly doted on my Gma for 2 years 24 - 7,unpaid,promised)
My Mother told me about her , shewas victimized even after my parents split up by my Grandmothers catty instructions for me to give my mother, how to wash my clothes in cold water! not hot! It seems when my Mom(17)
(pregnant by her can do no wrong #1 son,my Father,19)
washed my Dads clothes in hot water, a mistake she paid for the rest of my childhood ,I unwittingly was used to punish my mother from afar by telling her what My Grandmother insisted was imperative my mother be told how to wash my new clothes , the continuous message saying,she has no clue how to wash clothes. She always said my Mom refused to work,was lazy,messy,even that she had dated greasy Mexicans while my Dad had us for 1 weekend a month.
She told me she was kissing a greasy mexican when my dad peered into her windows! I did not see the weirdness in him doing so or her telling me this then, but now it all floods back to me. I was sick and avoided kissing my mom which made her interogate me about why boy was she mad and sickened.
My mom was greedy & getting alimony and child support my Dad was too young to be straddled with 3 kids by the time I was 5.
My Moms alimony was $15a week for 1 yr,child support $75 a mo for 3
kids!We had to move to a terrible neighborhood in Pomona,
all moms fault too, My Dad vanished to Montana withNanas family, my Grandparents would not tell my Mom where he was or how to reach him for over a year, My Mom refused to allow me to go camping with them as a
result,I heard their warning to her as they left,
We will get you for this.
The next morning at 6am the door is being beaten on by 2 Pomona cops,
1 a buddy of My Grandfathers named Ronald McDonald & had red hair!
they went through our entire house, closets, cupboards,drawers they inspected our bodies for marks,they looked for pot and to see if the housewas dirty.
My Mom was terrified ,I was crying, scared to be taken cause I knew that
people smoked pot,namely my Dad and Uncle and I was not sure pot was not everywhere!Thank God they found nothing or I might have been in CPS
forever just to punish my Mom.
To those who have experienced the "shame" of exclusion, do not discount the likely fact your parent(s)having some psychological disorder such as NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
You may have conducted life and contributions (emotional, financial and psychological) with what you considered appropriate care and respect. If one or both parents and/or sibling(s) exhibit the symptoms of these disorders, chances are that you are who was unfortunately selected by your being a loving caregiver to be unworthy of the respect, love and self-esteem that anyone would expect.The narcissist often has a nasty "pecking order" created by your parent having to do with which child(ren) provide that disturbed adult with appropriate "narcissistic supply". You can do everything "right", but according to your parent you are not good enough.
This is more common than one might imagine and for those of you who are "scratching your heads" for an explanation to this ultimate injustice, you might find some answers or guidance in the many available books on this topic.
If you were (are) the subject of a narcissist and find yourself shunned, it often is because your sibling(s) were far less independent than yourself, therefore better candidate(s) to provide your disturbed parent with absolute and total support regardless of the issue.
It's a stunning betrayal and abuse of basic human rights,both for the shunned and the one placed upon a pedestal both suffer the consequences throughout their lives.
There is nothing you can do to change this dynamic,but accept it for what it is and move forward and far away from TOXIC family.
Toxic Parents/Grandparents will disinherit you, often with no warning.
Toxic family will have us over a barrel even after weve grown up,they count on loyalty to some ideal of family no matter how badly they treated and still treat us,They count on our self-bullying and guilt.
They count on us still trying to jump through their hoops to win love and approval… They count on our fear that theyll manipulate the family & people into thinking we are ungrateful and treat them badly.
They count on our enduring verbal and emotional abuse so we can inherit our share of their fortune, disregarding agreements or your future if they decide to rip you off in the end. often they have already done it and as they are ordering you around they enjoy the knowledge there will be a big rude awakening for you and your future fiscal well being.
Toxic people who l blame everything on us and abusing us because it's your fault, you are selfish,ungrateful and dont deserve any better, It's your duty in their old age.Toxic people know our every weakness and sensitivity, and will poke them very hard when they want too,always find fault with every thing we do; compare us unfavorably to someone else who has treated them horribly and give your reward, the inheritance away to them and still demand knowing you will never be paid or be ok or travel or all the things she said she wants you to do after she has gone and still criticize, belittle and harass us and our spouse, they are the sneaky and criticize, demean and denigrate us in private but pretend they love us in public so everyone thinks they âre wonderful & loving.
We try everything we can think of, but the negativity, harassment, criticism, blame, shame, bullying and abuse never stop We do exactly what they want, but its never enough. We apologize and plead with them ,that just makes them nastier.Weve gotten fed up and threatened not to care for them, but they broke down in such distress we feel guilty or they act nice but,when we relax, they attack us more about something they didnt like.
So what can we do ?For the sake of peace and quiet in the whole family, we could keep trying to endure the abuse after all,if we only kept trying, if we did enough,it might change.
Also, they might leave us in the will as the care agreement states, itd be our fault if we quit too soon.Besides we are years into this and now fiscally reliant upon them keeping their word or face devastating consequences. too old and sick now to ever make it up.
We might object and argue enduring frustration and anger
this repeats endlessly and often spirals out of control.
Relentlessly toxic people wont admit they âre wrong and give up.
Eventually theyll escalate and cut us out of the will.

addition to above article...house mom lives in is owned by son in law...she lives alone in house and house in not great condition

elderly mother...living in son in laws house rent free...sister (wife of son in law) handling moms ss ck for years...not giving any money to husband for rent or utilities. mother in beginning stages of dementia...cannot take own meds..cannot cook or keep herself clean...sister will not hear of assisted living (mom has no assets except ss ck) mom alone most of the time. i cannot stay with her and cannot afford full time care except assisted living. think sister may be mismanaging moms ck. what to do?

We were turned into APS for leaving my mom alone for a hour while we went to the store. My wife is the care giver, and my mom lives with us. My wife gets 248 hours a month, but not paid for 24 hour care. My question is can a caregiver leave a client alone when they only get paid for the daytime care, but not nighttime? Thanks

Unfortunately, I have found out from attorneys... It is all about your case and how much money is at stake!! I had many issues where POA was going above and beyond what he was lawfully allowed to do... I could not find an atty to hire! It was crazy. Dad passed away last week, so my concerns were valid....but hold no merit now... Very sad

Here's another good article--long overdue, and in dire need of sharing far and wide!
voices.yahoo.com/elderly-abusing-their-caregivers-untold-story-578148.html
about elders abusing their caregivers....secrets people try to hide, and officials fail to recognize.

I need help now!!! My mom and dad are both living at home in with advanced dementia. A hospice nurse come every 2 weeks, and both have DNR orders, and need assistance with mobility and ambulation. The caretaker was hired in desperation, and is not licensed. she's there 12 hrs. daily, and has manipulated money from them. Our nightmare (if we don't get their resisted guardianship and POA (power of attorney), there hundreds of thousands of dollars in assets will be pilfered. They both trust her explicitly, and anything could occur.
My sister is trying to get POW and guardianship. The 'caretaker' keeps referring to "conferring with her attorney" and both parents have explicit respect for their every need she had provided.

i need help to find attorney in either norwalk california or temecula california so i can sue her i need atty that will wait for his money while it goes to court i dont care if he gets it all

omg i will try to mqke this short as can be. my mother in her will stated that her house would go to my sister and i my mom lived 6 blocks from my sister.. 3 years ago she came to my son and and my self told me that her husband and her were retiring and that mom was a burden. she was going to put her in a conv home i told her no i would take care ofher at nite and her during the day she said no in the mine time my mother told her that my sister and her husband were taking money out of her bank account my sister was on my mother account my mom that nite told me and gave me docs from the bank correction my mother toldmethat sister and her husband were taking money ot of thebank. well sister turned around there was 47.000 in the bank took money out evey day then filed for medi cal telling them my mother had no house or nomoney she then put her in a conv home where shegot very depressed. she had some scam atty that made up papers showing that my momgave her the house my mom went to convhome april 24-2009 and the next month she went down recording office and put the house in her own name. my mpther has not ben able tosignher name for the last six years so bottomline she stole all hermoney put conv home lied to the state of california. i turned her in. the state will take the house due to the money they need to get back...also my sister admit that she over drug my mom so shewouldleave heratnite and that the medication would either make her fall or notbe there in the am...now my mother passed away ihad to hear it from the conv home that she died. that am i still have not heard from my sister to tell me that my mother died. whats worse in the coffin my sister puta blouse on my mom that was thirty years old. the state of california has proof what she did will be charged for grand theift i cant wait i sit here with just my mom clothes she left at the conv hospital i would not sell them for a million dollars. i sit here eveyday waiting for the state to deliver a warrent for arrest which will be soon my children or i have not gotten any family pictures nothing. the dective from the state said i will be called in as wittiness i miss my mom every min she died april 4-2012 after all this is done i will sue my sister for my herrtance from her own property and the hell she put me thru...im not going to liei hope she rots in hell

My mother's neighbor is a disbarred attorney and he has decided he is going to be my mother's caregiver. My mother loves it because she likes the attention and she can order him around. He has already had her change her medical power of attorney to him so he can make all the choices for her care -- life and death. She never told me what she had done. I found out when she was hospitalized with a serious illness.

She also revoked my power of attorney for financial affairs. I don't think the neighbor has that power of attorney. I found that by accident. She never told me what she had done. If she becomes disabled I don't know how I will pay her bills.

I have not idea what she has done about her will. She told me once that the disbarred attorney got all the house contents but I don't know if she signed anything.

All this is frightening for me. I go over there every Sunday and I don't know if I will find her dead or alive. I am pretty sure that some day I will have to clean up her hoarded mess. But I don't know where I stand and if I'll have to deal with this sneaky disbarred attorney.

No one in the neighborhood likes him. My mother's attorney does not like him. The family has all warned her against him. The lady who helps my mother with housecleaning and laundry leaves if he's around. I have warned my mother that this nuisance will drive all her other help away if she lets him. She said she understood.

I don't know what he's up to. He belongs to some sort of religion that says there are only so many seats in heaven and he needs to try to earn a seat for himself while he's on earth. But I think he might have some earthly motivations too.

He is also working on the elderly couple who live next door to my mother. Since he doesn't have a job anymore, he has plenty of time to play up to the elderly.

Our legal system has way too many caveats in it. The above story could happen to almost anyone; particularly couples without children to look after them in their legal struggles. The court system sucks when it comes to protecting elderly folks such as this.

It is not just family members who can "turn in" a caregiver on trumped-up charges of abuse. Relief or respite caregivers, hired for day care in the home, can do it too. I had a caregiver who came in for a few hours on certain days of the week, for about six months she was very nice and helpful, then out of the blue she accused me of beating my wife, who has Parkinson's, citing as "evidence" blotches on her arms which are a side effect of medications (baby aspirin), certainly not abuse. In going to our county's adult protective services and the priest of our church, she knew she was telling a lie, but did it anyway. There is also reason to believe she committed an act of vandalism on our property, cutting a water line in an apparent attempt to have us without water when the county social worker arrived. That didn't happen, but as a result of that plus misunderstandings on the part of some doctors, the county has appointed a public conservator for my wife. She is in a nursing home now, which is probably for the better, but neither she nor I have any choice of what nursing home, or board-and-care home,; I am facing a court hearing and dont know whether it is better to ask to BE her conservator or ask that the case be dismissed. There will be buko legal expenses and court costs - money I need to take care of my wife!
Anyone had a problem of an UNWANTED conservatancy?
Dave

What a great article. Well-written, practical, and a nice outline of "red flags" for family caregivers.

My nephew, who WAS caring for both my parents had me removed by the police from our family home. I live elsewhere. I had accused him of abuse, that I witnessed, which caused him to call the police. The police sided with him because his ID had my parents address on it.
I was escorted out...thankfully my oldest sister had guardianship of my mom and evicted my nephew the next day!
I spoke with the police officer's supervisor who said they WERE suppose to ask my parents if they wanted me there and only if they said they wanted me gone should I had been forced to leave.
The officers never asked them if they wanted me there, but diod ask if they wanted my nephew there and both parents said they wanted him gone!
Its my parents home and they can have over whoever they want!! My father does not have a guardian yet.
I left crying, but everything in me now wishes I let them arrest me and let them answer to a judge just why they kicked me out of my parent's home, which i grew up in and even had belongings in!!
Nonetheless, the nephew is gone and my sister and I are now sharing the care with my parents. We made the room my nephew did have into a nice place for us to go to when we need a break. Sometimes, we stay the night, but my parents really don't need that all the time at this point.
His sister, my niece had been a cartaker at one point and stole over $14,000 from them. She had opened a line of credit in my dad's name too. My sister is paying the bank $400 a month back rather than penalize her. It makes me mad, but I don't know how I want to handle it. They are my parents too and I can prosecute. It won't get the money back to prosecute her, but it angers me so much to see how family can treat one another.
My mom is 83 and my dad is 93. Thye have different kinds of senility. My dad is like the normal alzheimers, but my mom isn't. She has a great memory, but has hallucinations and dementia. Its scary for her because she knows she is crazy at times, my dad really doesn't realize how bad he is.
Bless all you caretakers. Its a tough job!!