This is a very painful situation. My Dad always had a car from the time he was in his teens and absolutely loved driving. He wouldn’t listen to family members who tried to convince him to stop driving so we had a neighbor talk man-to-man with him and finally he gave up his keys. He spent his remaining years looking out the window at his car with longing even though we gave him rides in it. After we took the keys he said “Let me get this straight. Am I supposed to just sit on this couch until I die?” Growing older is filled with losses.
(0)
Report

Sun how would you feel if she had an accident and died -not right away but weeks later as a result of an accident-it happened to my husband's aunt she lived across the country and was in her 90's -her purse was stollen from her shopping cart that day and she had all her bank books and jewelry in the booket book and was besides her self with worry -the other person in the car she hit was not injured but she was and spent her last days in a hospital and died from her injuries-her son lived nearby and was retired and would have been able to drive her for her errands.
(0)
Report

there are so many different senerios ,i strongly suggest against its not a good idea
(0)
Report

absolutely not
(0)
Report

I agree with the commentor that at age 75; the senior should have a written, visual and on the road driving test to renew their license. My mom is 89; dementia (but dr isn't taking any driving priveleges from her). She still drives and will not allow us to suggest otherwise or take her keys. She lives alone, refuses help. She drives less than 2 miles from home and during non-busy times but I worry (I live 6 hrs away). If we try to discuss or make her listen to reason she threatens to disown us. Neighbors are no help. I've told them if they see her out in the car and confused (which they have) to call the police and report. Her license is up in Jan and I hope the DMV refuses to renew. But I suspect she won't even go to the DMV and will continue to drive on expired license...She has a new car with low mileage so it would be difficult to disable it. She would have it towed and repaired and if they said it was a loose wire or terminal -- she would report me to the police as a vandal.
(0)
Report

MarylandMom, you can do as the article suggests and contact the DMV. You don't need your brother's permission to do that. If Mom passes the tests, you can both relax a little. If she doesn't, that isn't your fault.
(0)
Report

I want to add an extra note.... I am not sure if this is fact or proven info but I'll pass it on. Someone told me that Dem/Alz does something to eye sight, depth perception is distorted. So street and curbs appear flat one in the same. I realized this may have been a factor with Mom's early stages. For a few reasons, she never recognized the front door as a door and windows as windows when they were covered because the blinds and curtains were closely matched in color to the paint. Therefore to her they were solid, flat no dimentions. The back door was in a breezeway that had a vibrant color very different from the blinds on that door, so even though that door was completely booby trapped she'd go out that door even though, I thought she couldn't. Never tried to go out the front door ,she'd climb out the window right next to that, busted the screen as well, when blinds were up. She could have easily unlocked the front door and went that way but never attempted that. I often wondered why, until I knew about the depth perception thing. I also noticed if she colored a picture in a coloring book, she would never color anything in the back ground. For example if it were a picture of a side view of a rabbit and one ear was in front of the other the one in front she colored but not the one in the back. I asked her why she didn't color it and it was like she didn't even see it or understand that's what it was it looked like it was something completely different to her. I also think that's why they fall alot,imagine if you were walking off a curb but thought it was flat. Also in my bathroom there was a mirror that was big directly across from the toilet and sink and when you opened the door it looked like there were 2 doors, 2 toilets, 2sinks. Well My Mom was afraid to be in there alone,she kept telling me someones going to come thru that other door, I tried to explain to her it was a reflection in the mirror, she wasn't happy until I closed the door behind me and then she felt safe.
Oh and I just remembered something funny about a friends Mom with dementia. My friend heard her Mom in the hallway yelling, Get OUT!!! Get OUT!!!! She didn't know why she was standing at the end of the hallway yelling. Then she realized that she was yelling at a painting (her son painted)the picture was there for a long long time. The painting was a girl alone in center of the picture in a out of focus field. She thought the girl was in the house and wouldn't leave. My friend took the picture down. Would you want to be on the road with a person who thinks or see's this way??? That's a scarey thought isn't it? Just sayin'!!!!
(1)
Report

A few real stories:
My Mom showed many signs of early dementia before we realized this was an issue. Luckily she hit something??? dented car and never drove again.

I had a grandFIL who went out from his assited living in NJ, to probably bye scotch(another issue) ended up in a ditch on side of road in nomans land 3:00am, 5 hours away in freezing cold..."On his way to FLORIDA!"
""He was taking the sceneic route!!!!! LOL .... couldn't pass that haha up.""

Friend's of mine, a couple, have parents.... one with severe dementia and other early stages went joy riding one day. They were miles away from home and stopped only because they had 4 blown out tires. There was a SILVER ALERT on highways because they were missing. I warned my friends about the danger of them driving and they should do whatever it took to not let the parents drive.
Why wait until it's too late!!!!
Noone was injured in any of these situations. Blessings counted!!!
If you feel guilty about taking driving away imagine how you would feel if someone gets hurt and you didn't.
(2)
Report

I beg to differ with naheaton's comment. Anyone with significant short-term memory problems should NOT be driving. They cannot remember if the light just turned red or not, if they just saw a car in their rear-view mirror, or if somebody just started to cross the street. Driving is NOT a right - it is a privilege. The state has a right to take away a person's license if it deems that the person is not safe to be behind the wheel of a car. The easiest solution is what somebody I know did...they called DMV and reported their own mother as an unsafe driver. DMV got involved, made the 91-year-old woman take the driving test...and she FLUNKED it. So the state pulled her license permanently. I would defer this situation to the state..and meanwhile refuse to ride with her as the driver. There are 35-year-old drivers I would refuse to ride with, because they a maniacs behind the wheel. Age is not the issue...it's "capability" and "responsibility." If a person becomes incapable or irresponsible behind the wheel.....then no driving for them.
(3)
Report

Do I, as POA, have the legal right to pull her driving ability? My brother thinks she is fine (dementia, 84, blepharospasm which means constant eye-blinking) but I know better. She has to back out of her driveway to leave her home and I am terrified she will run over one of many small kids in her neighborhood. She even has a broken rear-view side mirror on the passenger side ("I never use it anyway," she recently told me - OMG!) -- I silently beg a policeman to pull her over every day! How do you convince a sibling that "taking away her independence" is NOT the issue? I want to throttle my brother!
(1)
Report

I don't think most seniors ever want to admit that they shouldn't be driving any longer. Both my parents have said in the past that if they couldn't drive they would rather be dead!!!
When my mom was about 87 her license expired and I was hoping that they would give her a driving test but instead they gave her a written test which she failed but the man behind the counter felt sorry for her and passed her!!!!!!!!!!! He did not do anyone any favors, I was hoping this would be my way out!! Luckily my mom lost her keys so she couldn't drive and I just kept making up excuses on why I hadn't gotten new keys. I think in most cases you have to be a little tricky..
(1)
Report

Wow.....I would NOT and will NOT allow my mil to drive. Took that privilege away from her over a year ago. She has no sense of direction, can't see road signs, reflexes gone, wears hearing aids, has poor judgment......has dementia.....she has NO BUSINESS driving a car. Just because they might be able to keep it between the yellow lines is no excuse to turn them loose in a killing machine. Take the keys, disable the car, sell the darn thing...you may be saving more than one life.
(2)
Report

I agree with the person who wrote there should be 2-year testing over age 75 like some areas have for emissions testing.

This problem affects not only the elderly driver and his family, but everyone who may comes into contact with that driver on the road. What happened to the old saying that driving is a privilege and not a right?

Some elderly drivers--not all--simply cannot respond quickly and safely enough to today's traffic situations.

I have read that the real reason there are not more stringent laws is political concerns about elderly voters getting angry if their driving privileges are taken away. If this is true, then those of us who are concerned about elderly driving need to make their concerns known to their legislators.

Bottom line--some elderly drivers are fine on the road, others are not, and it needs to be regularly determined which are which. (Heck, some 92-year-olds may be better drivers than some 22-year-olds!)

There should be mandatory, regular testing by the state for those over a certain age before a license is renewed. The testing should not be done on public streets but instead in an off-road facility especially created for the purpose of testing driving ability including in unexpected situations. Maybe there could be 10 such facilities scattered across each state for this testing, for example. During this testing,there would be unforseen obstacles that pop up to determine reaction time and all kinds of nifty stuff that will test judgment and knowledge of the law. The end result would be that only those drivers who can demonstrate they are still mentally and physically capable of driving a vehicle will be given a license renewal.

Yes, taking more impaired drivers off the road would create new challenges for those persons and their families. But does the alternative of endangering the lives of the general public just to protect someone's choice of lifestyle seem like the right thing to do?
(0)
Report

Fortunately, my FIL left everything behind in KY to move in with us in DE when initially diagnosed with early stages of dementia. He has no car here, but is still in denial that anything is wrong with him. On the surface, he may appear fine, but there are so many little things that could pose serious risk if he were driving. His response times are slower, he forgets where he is or what he was doing, even if for just a second. He forgets to close fridge doors, cupboards. None of these conditions are conducive to safe driving on the roads. As a caregiver, you must make the hard decision to prevent your loved one from driving. Don't go down the same denial road he or she is. My wife keeps trying to go down that road, but I have to rein her in.
(1)
Report

In our case, my husband and I had been trying to get my father to stop driving and my mother and father both were resisting us, and finally ( on Dad's last day driving, it turned out) a salesman came out to the parking lot to talk to my father and me and HE pointed out to Dad the dings on Dad's fender, as if to say: "Looks like it's time to stop driving, Sir." Then a week later a trusted relative came to our aid and told Dad it was time for him to stop. This is not an easy issue, and we found that even WE (the adult children) could get pulled into denial.
(1)
Report

I think you allready know thats really not a great Idea . there is a way of doing this and not upset hem at the same time you can have a friend go with hem or yourself . but to drive by hemself there are health reasons for this . Just think what if he would get lost . there really are alot of reasons to not let hem drive by hemself .
(0)
Report

Even my Mom-86-thinks if you are over 85 you should have to take an actual driving test before given a driver's license. There are several people in our small town over 85 that should not be driving at all!!!!!
(0)
Report

In most families there is a difference of opinon ome elder womwn almost 90 was allowed by the daughter who made the decisions until she got lost and asmost had an accident but when she took a driver test she failed so that was that I think anyone over 85 needs to take a driving test.
(0)
Report

Rdhd, I applaud you for doing what you had to do to keep your mother safe, as well as keep safe everyone else out on the road. Yes, our family has been through this too and it wasn't easy or pretty. I have read on here that there are many and varied creative ways to get and elderly parent to stop driving, and whatever works is good, I think. Good job!
(1)
Report

Taking my 83 year old mom's keys away is like ripping one's arm off. She WON'T give up her keys and insists that she is a good driver. She has early dementia - probably now a stage 3. Finally, yesterday, under cloak and the darkness of the underground parking at her senior residential facility, my friend and I disconnected her battery and made it look as though it were still attached. I then spoke to her long time mechanic of 30 years and explained the situation to him. Her driving is dangerous and I'm afraid she's going to kill someone or herself. He said if she calls him to look at her car, he will go over there and tell her that her 20 year old car is finally non-driveable. She won't buy another car (too much money - quote) - so then she will have to finally take advantage of the in-house bus where she lives that can drive her to the market, etc. I always pick up her meds for her, so other than buying cat food, she really doesn't have any reason to drive. I feel guilty, or I guess sad...but I know I've done the right thing. I know that driving was her last bit of independence and I hated to do it, but I know I had to. Anyone else go through this?
(1)
Report

Funny you should mention about ulterior motives, naheaton - his PCP is older than he is (my dad is 78), and has severe Parkinson's...We saw him recently getting into HIS car to drive and he seemed more mixed up than my dad...maybe this doc feels that the elderly are automatically discriminated against because of chronological age????

It just seems to me that in the name of their independence, no one else has any voice. There don't seem to be any medical definitions/guidelines that insurers or the registries of motor vehicles have available that say "you fall into Category X which means automatic limits on when you can drive" (like a teenager) or "you are in Category Z, so you can no longer drive at all".

As an update, my parents were both admitted to the nursing home together, and their car is in the parking lot, unused as of yet! Thank you for your suggestions and considering our problem!!!
:)
(0)
Report

ald565, Sounds like your dads doctor has an ulterior motive for letting your father drive still. Maybe there should be a second opinion from a little younger doctor and see what he/she says. But then if you get a brand new young fresh out-of-the box doctor, they may also have an ulterior motive too, in keeping all old people off the road. I don't know.
(0)
Report

In NH: My father's doctor is older than he is - and my dad is 78. He has early dementia and no memory for anything, short-term. He hits all the cars and dings the fenders at his apartment complex, yet the police say that if his doctor says he is okay to drive, that's fine. My father pays out of pocket for any repairs so no insurance claim is to be filed. I will happily throw his PCP under the bus if someone is hurt, but why should another family suffer a loss at all? An irresponsible "senior" is told, against the wishes of the family, that he can drive - to me, the liability falls on the PCP, ultimately.
(0)
Report

My father's doctor is older than he is - and my dad is 78. He has early dementia and no memory for anything, short-term. He hits all the cars and dings the fenders at his apartment complex, yet the police say that if his doctor says he is okay to drive, that's fine. My father pays out of pocket for any repairs so no insurance claim is to be filed. I will happily throw his PCP under the bus if someone is hurt, but why should another family suffer a loss when an irresponsible "senior" is told, against the wishes of the family, that WE are the crazy ones? ?
(1)
Report

If it were not for the macular degeneration that my mother-in-law has, I believe she could still drive, even with dementia looming. Her only problems with the dementia is her short term memory. Knowing how to drive safely would not be affected by that. She might not be able to remember what she was planning on buying at the store, but she sure could get there safely. So I guess it might depend on the person and exactly what their symptoms are.
(0)
Report

My mom just passed her driving test after three failures. It is very discouraging as she is a terrible driver (runs through stop signs, etc.) I worry greatly that she will hurt someone and/or herself. She thinks she is an excellent driver and likes to drive very fast. My sibs and myself live far from her (but have all had the opportunity of the near death experience while riding in a car with her) and aren't in agreement on the seriousness of this situation. How do others handle this situation?
(0)
Report

My family was blessed. Dad, at one time, had been diagnosed with Parkinson's. The doctor said if he was in an accident, the injured party could sue us and take our family homesteaded farm from us. Although my Dad ocassionally makes a snide remark, he gave up driving with no problems. We still let him drive on the farm, but on no roads. So glad we did not have to take his keys away from him.
(0)
Report

Thats a really really hard subject to talk about with a parent especially if they live in rural america with no public transportation or taxi's. I think after the age of 75 every two years like emissions for a car the seniors should have to pass a driving test again.
(1)
Report

Sorry for the "senior moment," but I should have referred to all genders in my comment. If any of you ladies felt offended, it wasn't intentional. I kept having flashbacks about my MIL behind the wheel. She's been evaluated several times and diagnosed as "sane." Whether the light is red, yellow, or green to her they all means GO ... fast. A ride with her will age you. The little firecracker (or Tasmanian devil) claims driving drunk makes her focus on the road and a better driver. Is that demented or what?
(2)
Report

I've seen people driving like maniacs through the streets of NY; raging and cussing all over the place. That's demented to me. So is yapping on the cellphone with one hand on the wheel, texting, or driving without insurance.

Does obey the rules of the road? Is she driving on the sidewalks, lighting a cigarette at the gas pump, burning rubber, or trying out for the Indy 500? Does she forget her medication often and therefore poses a danger to herself and others RIGHT NOW?

If the answer is no, I'd still keep an eye out for her safety. But I certainly wouldn't deprive her of the little freedom she has left.

-- ED
(2)
Report

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter