This post is really helpful! My grandpa is 94 years old and he has most of the 10 bad behaviors plus unusually high sexual drive, peeing in public place, spitting in inappropriate places. The super high sexual drive is the biggest problem because 1) my grandma died 19 years ago 2) My grandpa refuses to marry another woman but keep harassing (both orally and physically) caregivers we hired. Sex is almost the only thing he can think of everyday besides other basic needs. My dad is managing his money and gives him a small portion for daily expenses but he spends all the money right away on women.
My dad has been taking care of him and suffer a great deal. I'm really worried because my dad has shown some emotional change after all these years of caregiving.
Do anyone has any idea of how to suppress his ridiculous sexual drive?

My father has turned on me after helping him with my mother for past 8 years. He has started Supreme Court action against me, threatened to kill me. I think he has onset of dementia but my siblings are going along with him even though they have never helped him or my mother.

I am very concerned, I work for an agency, and they are using a program called bx shaping with tokens on an 86yr old due to bad behavior, the patient is not agreeable with it, neither am I, any good suggestions?

My mother is obsessed with picking her skin until it bleeds.

She also has macular degeneration and has said that at least now there is something for her to do. I suppose picking her skin is that "something." It's h*ll getting old.

I am caring for my aging mother, who is also morbidly obese. Showering is a huge issue, because she has a bathtub in the home with a shower, not a step-in shower. (We are working on remedying that.) Getting her to shower some days is a real struggle, but on average, she showers every other day. Before I moved in to care for her full time, she had not showered in months - so I'll take the every other day and be happy with it.

Some days, you cry over their behavior...some days, you just have to laugh, because there's no other choice. Today, Mom "lost" her incontience pad in the toilet and didn't realize it. I went into the bathroom later and found this thing in the toilet, swollen to amazing proportions because it had soaked up all the water in the toilet bowl! Sometimes...you just have to laugh.

I need help to understand how to deal with Bad Behavior 10 # Wants All the Caregiver's Time & Attention because I take of my dad & my husband. Because both are really sick it's if I give one more attention and time than the other the other the other gets their feelings hurt and say I am never there a enough for them. Even though I work as a CNA between 8 hours to 16 hours, an helping my husband and my 3 teenagers, my mom to an she to has the same problem of clinging to me. I only have help by the grace of God from my mother in law because all my sisters won't help But I need to figure out how to fair the all and not get burned out

My father hasn't been evaluated yet, and he's not on any medication. However, he is suspicious, paranoid and delusional. I believe he has had these traits for a long time but now they are exaggerated. He will be 88 this month. Would this be dementia or a personality disorder?

In older people, "bad behavior" is often caused by neuropsychiatric causes (dementia, depression). Labeling behaviors as bad when in many cases they are due to a "broken brain" is counterproductive. Caregivers who are experiencing such behavior with an elder should seek help from their doctor, starting with the PCP and seeking evaluation to a specialist if needed who can give further help with behavioral/environmental modifications and medications.

This is a wonderful article and the suggestions are very helpful. Another issue that a lot of people are not aware of is dementia-related inappropriate sexual behavior. I wish we had known this when my dad asked my mother to arrange a sex date for him with the girl he'd taken to his high school senior prom in 1938. I recently did a TEDx Talk called "Dad Did What?!" youtube/watch?v=e2VWT-3woec&feature=youtu.be.
It would have helped our family tremendously if we'd known at the time that this type of behavior is not at all unusual in stroke survivors, people who have Alzheimer's and individuals who take Dopamine to control the symptoms of Parkinson's.

I hope this post will help others who may be embarrassed or angry with their loved ones and don't know that their behavior is a result of the disease, and not a cause for disgust or condemnation.

Abusive elder-parents that have had a life long history of abuse of their children is a sad thing. Too late for them to realize what a cowardly, mean-spirited road they have always chosen to take. Sad that old age renders them in a lower place on that same path. Sure, the adult children realize that it's coming from an existing mental disorder - now amplified, but it still doesn't make it much easier. The parent's life long choice to become that type of person, still that type of person, was a choice made too many times to be ignored. We can care for them with care you'd expect to give a mentally & age - debilitated individual, but all is not neatly resolved with WHO they are - just because they are now old.

if your parent is experiencing any of these characteristics above there is a stronger possibility that "yes, they are crazy"....paranoia, erratic behavior, angry outburst, delusional, etc...this is not because they are "aging" or even normal. behavior for the elderly your parent is displaying one or more symptoms of emotional, behavioral, or a serious clinical mental disorder. Contact a physician and/or mental health provider immediately. This is not something to mess with people.

My mother kept losing her hearing aids too.. $1500 each!! We found a company, Earstay they deliver world wide I think but it looks like they are a Canadian company. Anyway, they make a little clip device that attaches to the person's clothing at one end and to the hearing aid at the other. Over a year later, my mother has stopped losing her hearing aids, thank goodness.

I really appreciate last comment by Tragoudi re: accountability for bad language etc. My MIL has Alzheimers and often yelled profanities at me. I tolerated it because I read everywhere that patients can't control swearing and other bad behaviors. However, I notice that her language and behavior is much better with visitors. So, I told her that poor language wasn't acceptable in my house and that I knew she could control her tongue because I observed it with visitors. She swore back at me and I repeated myself and left the room. I am noticing that she will "throw at me" as much as I will endure. I stood up for myself and she eventually backed off a bit. I also asked the doctor to up her Seroquel and trazadone which is helping. I am responsible to obtain drugs to calm her and help her behave (This was hard for me at first after reading about evil caregivers who drug their patients). Drugs have been kind to my MIL and to me. And yes, I have to include me because we spend 24/7 together. It is not "bad" to gain some control over your surroundings and to require some sense of cooperation from your charge. I know that is not "politically correct" but the subject must be addressed.

While I can appreciate some of the dementia aspects of the swearing/profanity, in my husband's case he has done this for years, and it is a lazy person's way of communicating their anger and disgust to a person not involved in solving any of the problems -- a sort of "hit and run" verbal Malatov cocktail. I have been facing this daily over the past 6 months as he is grappling with diabetes, diabetic retinopathy, neuropathies, digestive problems, and increased system issues after a severe infection in a finger cut resulting in amputation of the finger. Frankly, he hasn't been diagnosed formally with any dementia because he lies through his teeth when talking to psychiatrists about his depressions. I have done everything possible to get him the help he needs and he fights me tooth and nail on most of it. Last night he started in screaming and swearing and yelling because our cat had loosened up a dryer vent tube. He has had panic attacks in the past and this was an "anger" attack. This time, I got in his face and told him his behaviour was totally out of control and absolutely unacceptable -- it was perfectly fine for him to say he was upset and anger, but not fine to scream, yell and use profanity. In two minutes, he settled down and got quiet and then I could reason with him. I appreciate his medical issues and frustrations, but I really honestly believe a reason ill people can get into the habit of yelling, cursing and swearing and being out of control is often because they are too lazy to discipline themselves and no one ever gets in their face and tells them to stop it right now, that they are out of control, and it is absolutely not acceptable. We don't allow two or three year old children to continue on in such behaviours without correction and intervention, and there is no reason that a 56 year old man should be allowed to be obnoxious without being confronted over it either. I can appreciate that confrontation and talking a person down from their explosive anger may not always be the appropriate strategy, but I think people ought to be held accountable for their behaviours as much as possible for as long as possible even when they have dementias. I believe this can help keep them grounded in the real world for as long as possible. Without a "mirror" reflecting back to them just how out of control they are, they just keep doing it worse and worse.

Great entries. Can you do one on a controlling parent who I am realizing has an alcohol problem? I take care of her, she helps me financially. She threatens to cut me off, gets angry out of proportion at the most unexpected times. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster in a house of horror.

How about a mother who is verbally and emotionally abusive to her husband who has Alzheimers compounded with a recent stroke? We are his caregivers but she is trying to get rid of us. She has not been diagnosed with dementia, but it will be hard to prove because she can "play nice" for quite a while when anyone else is around. It is as if she'll have to kill him before anyone will do anything to help him.

We are afraid for him; and she may end up being a danger to herself too. We cannot get her to go to the doctor for evaluation and by law, we cannot force her to go. Reporting elder abuse seems a bit drastic since we are here to prevent it, but what about if we have to leave and she is alone with him.. He is in a wheelchair-paralysis on one side- and will be at her mercy. What do we do?

My mother is up to only doing her bm and pee in a portable potty chair the caregiver brought to put by her bed to use in the middle of the night in emergencies. The potty chair is now downstairs in her living room and she uses it all the time although she can still get upstairs easily with the electric chair lift to the real tolilet that flushes. It gets worse. I caught her pouring the urine down the kitchen sink where we, yes, wash the dishes. The bm goes into plastic bags to be thrown out with the garbage. She lives in her house alone and does not have any idea how putrid the smell is and puts the plastic bags in the kitchen garbage. I discovered all this recently. What is going on with someone who does this? I have a very low gag response and have thrown up more than a few times. She lies and says she doesn't do these things when it is as plain as day that she does.

When my mom went off on subjects I just did not respond and since I did not live with her I could limit phone calls-which I was doing once a week-but it got so I dreaded those calls-and I had learned detatchment from this site and used it. Just before she died I was staying in a hotel room with her and had told her if she was too warm or too cold let me know-she said yes-a couple of days later she screeched at me that she was too cold and that she did not come to CALIF. to freeze to death-and then I realized she had finally lost the power to hurt me any more-that was a lightbulb moment for sure.

My dad has macular degeneration and has lost most of his sight. He is now seeing flies on himself where there are none. He yells more now then ever about how I park, how I drive what exits to take. I was a school bus driver for over three yrs and had a CDL. I know how to drive, but I realize he can't see thing right anymore. I just wish he would stop yelling I'm just trying to help him.

I take care of my mom, I am the only one who does. my sister does nothing, never has -I have to do it all. it was never a problem but in the past couple years it has really taken a toll on me because my mom has gotten worse with bickering, complaining, arguing and even becoming insultive. The other night for example I was making dinner and asked if she wanted some carrots with the meal... she just starts "going off" on me, yelling, calling me stupid, calling me an idiot, etc... saying she does not want any damn carrots... this keeps happening more and more and I don't know what to do. I find myself losing my temper more easily (which I never used to do), I don't know what to do anymore, I cant take this. I need someone to give me some advice, I don't want to tell her DR because then I think she will hate me even more... please help!

I just deal with it things are starting to wind down here so thry're not as belligerent as they used to be this week I have someone here who doesn'thelp with caregiving but criticizes me for complaining boy, am i blessed this week, or what? :-) LOL W

thank you for this site and for the tips...my mom is 77 and is experiencing what we believe is CBS..i am the older child and she is abusive both verbally and mentally..she is also using more profanity...it started about 10 years ago and is getting worse...thanks everyone..i needed to know that i was not alone...

Just confirmed elder mom's gambling addiction, which has just about drained her funds. When I confront her with the black and white proof (debits on banking statements), she becomes furious with me. Can you recommend any 'gentle' ways to remove her debit privileges so I can try to salvage what's left of her meager savings? My gut tells me there are no gentle ways and my actions will only deepen her fury. I am working so, so hard on her behalf to find her affordable housing, since the community where she currently lives will not allow her to stay without proper savings in place. And she's just about broke. Any advice?

My dad's current obsessions are now smoking every 45 minutes, eating sweets several times a day and drinking coffee like there's no tomorrow.

The verbal abuse isbad enough, but she bad mouths me to everyone.

My mother in law is picking her skin so that she bleeds, then picks the scabs, etc. Gets worse each day..... WE've tried gloves, bandaids, tape, and reminders... What can you suggest?

NeedSupportNow, has your mother been abusive all along, or just now that she is dying? If not, do you think she is really panicking about death and taking her fear out on you? If this might be the case, are you able to talk to her about death? This helped me with my father when he was dying - he was never abusive, but he did feel more peaceful when we talked about death, life after death, etc. You have been more than generous in trying to help and support your Mom, but tragically some people simply won't or can't grab hold of the hands extended to them to help and comfort. Can you get hospice involved? respite care? Please take care of yourself.

My mother has a really large open sore on her leg and she is in so much pain she sits and cries all the time. She does not want to go to the hospital or doctor because they always want to stick her in the hospital, which is where she needs to be. My sisters and I talk and beg our mother to just go to the doctor and she always has excuses. I feel guilty for not "making" her go, which I dont think I could do anyway, and i feel guilty for just sitting back waiting for her to make a decision that I know she is not going to make until she just absolutely cannot take anymore pain. I dont know what I can do legally or what choices I have. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks

My heart is breaking, because my mother has been abusing me a lot and with a special venom. Mom has stage 4 lung cancer (which has clearly metasticized to her brain), and as the months have gone on, she has become more and more angry, irrational, and really mean. But she reserves a special FURY for me when I'm the only one she has, and I moved 3,000 miles to be there for her. And today, I'm especially upset, because she turned on me. I just wanted to do the right thing!

Cecile2136, As some people get older they tend to loose their inhibitions. Get him some male help. That may stop that little annoyance which could land you in some deep trouble. Also, please be vigilant when female grand children are visiting. He may or may not recognize that they are relative.