This article is an excellent guide to walk families through the process while recognizing that each has something to offer. Thanks for sharing! When this process gets tough, sometimes families benefit from mediation to help preserve relationships and produce the best outcome.

Tall those who dont want her to be put in there to care for her. If not, then they need to shut up because she needs to be in a place that will give her the best care

my sister in law has Parkinson about 20 years now, I live with my brother
and her she also has demetia and I been trying to tell my brother to get
siblind involve, they live close and don;t have time. I cannot help too much
she give me hard time, my brother does not want help yet and it crazy
to see he won't open up his eyes

rrsams23, you are not alone. I have two out of state siblings that don't agree that it is time for our mother to move. Of course, they are never here for a crisis, they are never here for a holiday, they are never here when the fire dept calls, they don't have to clean up clutter, weed gardens, shovel snow, they certainly have never helped with expenses, they are just golden children that live on the other side of the country. I offered family mediation which they refused to participate in. They recently flew into town (one hadn't seen my mother in nearly a year), told our mother she was fine where she was and I was a horrible person, disowned me (literally), patted themselves on the back and flew back home. My mother is barely speaking to me and sometimes when she does it is just so she can say horrendously, awful, hurtful, mean things to me. I cry every day not understanding how my family could be like this. I wish the stuff we read about getting siblings on the same page, getting a 3rd party to facilitate collaboration, etc. worked. Maybe it does work for some families. But for me, after 30 yrs of helping my mother pay her bills, sitting in hospital rooms and ERs countless hours, cooking meals, cleaning, keeping up her house... well, the legacy she's decided to leave me is the loss of my entire family. I am so angry, too and no one understands my anger. I take that back, my husband understands my anger, but he gets too riled up when I talk to him. So you are not alone and it felt really good to get that off my chest, too.

My mom had five children, I feel two of them only called her when they wanted money, the youngest and oldest. My mother is now in a ALF and I am the only sibling that pretty much has anything to do with her. I have POA and didn't know it because my parents never told me until he got real sick and she fell into depression by trying to take care of him. So I am the only one that visits, takes her shopping, and brings her everything that she asks for but most of listening to her complaints. No matter how much I do for her I feel that it's never enough, my husband tells me the same thing, I feel like I'm in a tug of war, I just want to scream. I can feel the anger build up, the last time I emailed my older sister I was very upset with the whole bunch. She asks about mother but won't call her not even a card to let her know that she is thought of. Well I kind of blew up, told her off and said that I hate all of you. She wrote me back and didn't understand where my anger was coming from, I could of screamed! I have been doing EVERYTHING for my mother for the last two years, don't know if she appreciates it but I know my siblings don't, they're relieved that they are not in my shoes. I could go on and on, just wanted to vent, don't feel like I can talk to my husband all the time because he just doesn't understand what I am going through, not in my shoes. Sometimes when we do talk I get defensive about the subject then that leads to an argument. Maybe today will be a good one.

my 2 cents is set up a care schedule, make sure it is divided up evenly with all siblings helping, even the one's with FT jobs, they can do night or evening shifts. If they can't agree to put her where there is full time care, they should help be the full time care. Because, I'm assuming here, you are the caregiver primarily and they just know what is best and don't offer a lot of help. Let me know how this works out. You've found a great site with lots of helpful people going through the same issues.

Stop fighing. Move mom to Assisted Living. If they want her, they can go get her.