Yes, I recognize this as a great and helpful article. Of course - we all feel responsibility for our parents - but considering the kind of care is very impprtant. It is in fact not only about quiting your current job, but also about your personal stress with caregiving. Care for the elderlY is sometimes very difficult job, many caregivers have problems with their mental health, financies etc. http://teamhomehelp.co.uk/caring-for-ageing-mums-and-dads-todays-dilemmas-facing-our-baby-boomer-generation/

My first question is how elderly are they? Followed by, can they live on their own or not? If you did decide to go it, you would need support from either family or other people. It is a long hard road, and your own health and well-being is at stake. If something happens to you, who cares for your elderly parents? Keep us all infromed and all the best with whatever you decide.

Think about this VERY carefully and thoroughly. When they are gone, where will YOU be financially and emotionally. Also consider how the stress could lead to illness for you. Remember to look at all options for their care and what you have to lose. It's not selfish to want a life as well. Think carefully about their needs currently and what they will need later as they continue to age. My prayers are with you!!!

I agree with Gail. Your parents need to be assessed first, to determine their needs. If you do decide to quit, it is a long road and there will no breaks away. If you have siblings, get them involved. Keep us informed.

My dad (90) feels that as a daughter, it is my responsibility to take of them. My brother died about 10 years ago. If my brother were alive, he would not expect nor ask him to do anything. Thankfully, I did not give up my business to take care of them. It has taken a real toll on my life and business. I did take care of them for 3 years without any help and the last two with caregivers and assisted living. Even with keeping my job, my life consists of work and taking care of my parents. If you give up your job, it will be only taking care of your parents and you will have not have any life but that.
Trust me, I am there. As they get older and more ill, the demands are greater and your personal life will absolutely disappear. Work will at least give you a view of life that includes other people. When you are the sole caregiver, you will become very isolated and you will lose most if not all of your outside activities and most of your friends.

I am so glad I didn't resign from my career to take care of my elderly parents... my parents [mid-90's] still live alone in their own single family house and manage the best they can. I do help get them to doctor appts and get their groceries. I decided it was *their choice* to remain at home instead of enjoying what is offered at a nearby retirement village, that is so great I am thinking of moving there :)

I worry myself into sleepless nights wondering the what-ifs, what-is-next, how would I do this or that. Thus, going to work is now my *vacation*, the only time I am not obsessing over my parents and the choices they make. Work is my sanity, I am around other people from all walks of life, difficult cultures, and all age groups.

One time my Dad wanted me to resign from my career.... I looked at Dad and asked him if he resigned from work to care for his parents.... I knew his answer would be *no*... he never asked me again. Guess he figured since I was his daughter I would enjoy staying home helping them with the cooking and cleaning. Sorry, I am not Martha Stewart, nor and I Julie McCoy, "Your Cruise Director".

I was in between jobs 2 years ago when as a family we all decided that mother could no longer live alone. She has neuropathy and dementia. I still have a home of my own and my brother assists me with that although it needs work if I decide to sell it. I have NO extra money because I refuse to touch my IRA at this point. Since Obama care my insurance premiums doubled! That was a budget killer. So, I am doing everything I can to hold on. My other siblings do not have extra money so that is not an option. Besides money issues and my future, we do not have POA. Recently my mother's (age 86) pain management doctor has stopped accepting Medicare patients. My mom has great supplemental insurance from my dad's 42 years in the military. Since my mother refuses to look into other options of physicians, I am calling the her recent pain management doctor to find out if he will accept private pay and how much that will cost. She has to see him every two months. I have searched and searched for other doctors and they all want to do more testing which my mom refuses. At 86, she just wants maintenance, no more procedures or surgeries. She knows the outcome of not actively seeking a professional that may alleviate some of her pain which is that her leg will finally collapse and she will become wheelchair and bedridden. She is extremely stubborn and outwardly angry, and is becoming a BIG problem. Right now she has enough medication to last for two more weeks and that is it. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. Without POA, it appears hopeless for us to get her to another doctor but even worse for her when she runs out of meds! I do love her so and it breaks my heart to see her suffer.

I posted a couple years ago in this string. I quit my job in April 2013 just before my 61st birthday and took care of my father for a month and a half until he got food stuck in his esophagus, had to go to the hospital to have it removed, and then was too weak to go home so he ended up in the nursing home, too. Although I wasn't providing most of my parents' care after that, I visited them several hours each day and lived in their home so at least I could keep that safe. In September 2013 my sister and I moved them near her home in Cincinnati and we tried having them in an apartment with me. By that point my father was too weak for that, and even visiting aides said he needed more than they could provide. My mother was there for almost a month, but it soon became apparent she was too confused and unable to adapt well, so soon she had to go to the nursing home too, where they were roommates. My father lasted until this past May while my mother is still there and almost completely bedridden with severe dementia. Although I couldn't keep them out of the nursing home, I was able to spend 3-4 hours every day with them, and make certain they ate and generally oversee their care. By leaving my job I have been able to spend time with them that would have been impossible while I was working (several hundred miles away in NC). Of course the fact that my father is no longer living means the expenses have been halved and my mother would almost have to set longevity records to exhaust her resources, but in addition to the fact that I want to spend whatever time I am able with her (not always easy, particularly when she asks the same questions over and over again!), I also have a feeling that I should "earn" my inheritance. (Does anyone else deal with that thought?)

I signed up for SS when I hit 62 this spring, and am also doing some consulting so I don't have to touch my own retirement portfolio. Others have pointed out that I won't regret the time I have spent/am spending with my parents to which I agree, although I do feel a certain urge to "get on with my own life", which in my case means to move to the SW part of the country.

A while back, I was thinking about quitting my job to take care of my dad, but after reading stories about people did it I changed my mind, some people still worked for them, but for me it’s a huge step that don’t think I’m ready for. Good article!

I am currently employed and set to retire in the next year or two (at 53 years old). I am considering retiring a bit earlier (or taking a leave of absence) to care for my mother who suffers from severe diabetes along with the early-mid stages of Alzheimer;s. She still daytime drives and lives at home with my father (who she holds resentment against even after 40 years) and my older brother who looks after her when he's not working his part time job (w/ no benefits). My sister lives 90 miles away and just started a decent 2nd-career job, she handles so much but the worrying is causing her some health problems and she doesn't get much time off. I live 600 miles away. My financial situation is better but I am worried after reading the rest of the comments, that I will get sucked in caring for her on a day to day basis forevermore. Her dementia (Alzheimer's?) and general decreasing rationality is really messing with the care of her diabetes, such that she skips insulin shots or claims "well I really don't need one now". It's driving us crazy, worrying if she took one shot, none, or too many. We can't afford assisted living unless the house they are living in now is sold and cleaned out of 50 years worth of stuff. Is that the way to go?

Correct link for VA benefits information: http://benefits.va.gov/benefits/

Well, I'm at a point where I'm getting within a couple years of when I planned to retire anyway, and the nursing home charges twice what I earn. I'm getting quite tired of my job and have no plans to find another one afterward as I've saved a lot for retirement. If both my parents had to be in a nursing home, it would cost 4 times my salary. Savings of the rent I pay where I currently live would cover most of the cost of healthcare insurance if I moved in with my parents. With current prices, the gasoline to go visit them is approaching $200 per trip, so if I visit them each month that is well over $2000 a year. The only drawbacks are that my parents are in a small rural village where there is little in the way of good restaurants and many other amenities that are more easily available to me now, and that my mother may still have to remain in at least a personal care home (the nursing home decided she doesn't really need to be there anymore as she has strengthened sufficiently, but it would be difficult to have her at home because she is extremely vigilant about everything, such as worrying that someone is okay if they are in the bathroom more than a couple minutes--it drives my father crazy). In any case, I just don't see the point of letting strangers grab the family estate for "glorified babysitting" if I can prevent most of it, although I believe the estate would cover the nursing home expenses for several years even for both of them. As my father said while writing a check for my mother's stay "A man can be thrifty all his life and save, and then they just want to take it all away." Of course I would be able to spend much time with my father, and even if my mother isn't home, I'd be able to visit nearly every day.

it depends on your relationship. It also depends on what kind of job you have. I went part time when I decided to take care of my mom. It doesnt need to be all or nothing. In this economy lots of people just don't have jobs, what about that?

Erika,

Here are some articles to read that will help you be able to make a better decision on weather or not to quit your job to care for your elderly parents. Kedwards460 was right, this is a tough economy right now and you are lucky to have a job. But if you can afford it... its a different options. Read these articles by our experts. I feel that they will give you more insight and look for another article on quitting you job to care in a few weeks :)

The Sandwich Generation: Caring for Kids and Your Parents
Page 4: When Caregiving Effects Your Ability to Work
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/caregiving-effects-ability-to-work-123286.htm

The Working Caregiver: Issues Faced With Working & Caregiving
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Caregiving-Issues-and-work-95637.htm

Both my parents have dementia. Should I quit my job to care for them?
https://www.agingcare.com/Answers/My-mom-and-dad-are-both-getting-dementia-I-am-all-alone-taking-care-of-them-since-my-sister-passed-136743.htm

Can my boss force me to choose between my job and caregiving?
https://www.agingcare.com/Answers/caring-elderly-parents-and-working-139456.htm

Best of Luck :) Make sure you make your own decision and be confident in it.

~Karie H.

Erika- it it's at possible DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB. In this economy you are lucky to have one and quitting this one might not guarantee you'll be able to get another one once your parents don't need you as much. TRUST ME I KNOW. I quit my job and moved across the country to my mom's house with the idea that I would get another job here and mom would have home care while I worked. HA. Didn't work that way. Now I am a full time caregiver dependent on my mother for finances. Do your parents qualify for Medicaid? If they do, you can get help from them for in home care. If they don't qualify are they able to afford in home care? Can they pay for some of it and you pay for some because it is expensive. ($15-20 an hr in some cases). Should they be placed in a nursing home? They are up there in ages that's why I'm wondering if that's a possiblity? A lot of nursing homes take couples. My aunt and uncle shared a room at their nursing home and it worked out for because my uncle has dementia and he couldn't cope without my aunt. Just some thoughts. Take care and good luck.

Im 43 and my parents are 91 & 86 - I am adopted. I was thining about quitting my job to stay home & take care of them - but now I think I will have to find a way to hire care & move them w/me & continue working. I'm no tmarried & no kids & they may live 7+ more years. I wish things had been different ( me married & grandkids & if I had some siblings) but they are not. I am so burned out today - my father is in the hospital & having sundowners/disoriented. He has never had this. I am OVERHWELMED & folks are telling me th ebest way out is to quit my job - but - are they going to support me financially? - No. Friends will talk to you but they dont pitch in - you are on your own. My parents dont have the $$ to hire overnight care they need. All I can do is pray. I do have the faith that God will help me out of this situation - even though it looks rough at the present time.

I am almost 60 and my parents are 87 and 88, rather weak but still ambulatory, and with some dementia (mostly my mother who has little short-term memory left). I am single and live 500 miles from them, and I have a married sister who is 400 miles from them and from me. We take turns visiting our parents, and a very generous neighbor has been providing much help when we aren't there, but she is "burning out" because it takes so much time from her own family and needs. It's getting to the point where my parents need someone there to do more or they may have to go into an assisted living or nursing home, although they strongly prefer to stay in their own home. For the past year I have been thinking of quitting my job to move back with them to help them. There are several factors: although I am well-educated, my job pays only a moderate salary, and I am living in an area in which I don't plan to stay any longer than necessary. My parents are reasonably well-off and want to leave an estate to my sister and me. Besides wanting to help my parents, I have trouble accepting the idea of their having to shell out several times my salary to an outsider, whereas in a sense my "reward" for taking care of them would be a much more comfortable retirement myself (if there is such a thing anymore). Some people think my plan makes sense while others say my parents could live a long time and I would have to "give up my life" to do it. Other than for some travel, my life isn't really all that exciting, so this wouldn't be so much of a sacrifice on my part. Otherwise, I would like to retire at 62 1/2. Any thoughts or comments?

I I know that one thing that a few of mentioned is their own health -- not that of the person they're caring for but their own health that has either been jeopardized by the 24/7 caregiving role or else is just starting to fail due to themselves becoming seniors,. It really is not helpful to the parent to have the caregiver sick as well. So you may be the most altruistic person in the world who has no regrets about giving up your life, your body may think otherwise.

Right, I just want to add, you get a lot out of giving such an important gift. How you feel about your parents is important. I'm very, very attached to my mother. But I think it's always true that you are in fact giving up your own life for someone else. You're there to try to guide and be nearby your loved one while they take a very difficult journey. You are making a big sacrifice. I for one think, though, that you can't do that if it means you have to give up your chances forever.

Good for you for wanting to help your parents. I did quit my job to stay home with my mother when she had her leg amputated and she could not get around anymore. Though it was a little tough, I found it was worth it. I had almost 6 years with my mother where my two brothers were not and they're clueless. My father worked but was layed off his job last year so he too was able to spend time with her before she died (they were married for 55 years). I wouldn't trade those 6 yrs for anything. Good luck.

I would say think it over very carefully. I left my job and brought my child here so that I could take care of my Mother. She is still very active at 95. I feel I traded my life for hers. I don't know what I will do when she departs this life. I haven't found a good job for a few years. I am older now and have not a clue what I will do for income. I have worked part time, but if I work she will not likely want to live. I feel I can endure this for a little time more. I explain that when I go to work, she will not be able to go out and do what she does any longer. I know she will get unhappy. I go through bouts of depression and it is not bad now. I would probably do it again, personally. I love my Mother and she has always been good to me. I feel that if I didn't, I might look back and regret that I didn't help out. I don't get much time off, but I don't have a lot of physical care for her either. If she needs it, so far she has insurance and VA. Me? I go to a free clinic for now, only if it isn't an emergency. I am thinking about selling some insurance from home. I have to look into that. I just don't know what I will do when she passes. I try to live in the now.

I took care of my mother for over 10 years.I quit my job five years ago to take care of her and would do it all over again.The time I got to spend with with mother was price less.She was happy and loved me unconditionally and I did her. It is hard to loose your free time,personal life,and most of your friends due to being with your parent 24 - 7.But when my mother passed November 17th 2012 I knew I did everything I could do for her.It does take a toll on your health,body,and social life but that will work its self out in due time.I will never regret the time I got to spend with my mother bad and good.My mother raised me to be a strong man I will never forget what she taught me.I will never forget my mother and happy I was blessed to be able to take care of her like she did me.Spend as much time as you can with your parents while there alive,its to late when there gone for ever,

Darren Aubrey

That is all great advice. I'll tell you my story to give you another perspective. I quit my job, the first really good job I ever had, to move back across country because my mother was calling me crying. She and my sister have had an especially problematic relationship. We are both very close to her. Not long after I moved with my boyfriend, she got a lot more ill. My sister and I had to cope full time with lots of complications of bipolar disorder. Here's one thing that's different: my mother is pretty secure financially. She pays me a fairly good wage. She has assets she wants to leave us. This makes a big difference. I've told her before I can take care of her myself in large part because she has the wherewithal to help me too. Otherwise, how could I afford at 54 to not worry for the moment about my future income as a "retiree" (not that I expect to ever be a retiree, really). I already have to put up with no health insurance... just hope nothing goes wrong... I'm lucky there too, I'm basically healthy.

And here's my special situation in terms of the "giving your whole life up and getting eaten by resentment problem." This is a serious problem for most people and I'm sure most parents wouldn't want to see their children's lives cut short and marred by losing all of their options. In my case, I was a writer. If I still want to write, nothing's stopping me. In fact, I'm in a situation where I'm basically supported for that (if I can manage to save a little energy for that, which has been a big problem, I admit). I also have traveled a whole lot and had lots of fun doing it, I guess you could say, I sowed lots of wild oats, and now I'm kind of glad I'm not doing that because it's distracting, now I mostly want to stay in one place and nurture some quietude for myself. As for my boyfriend, who moved to his mother's state to take care of her, I'm not too attached right now to having a man around.

I'm telling you all these details so you can see how my special circumstances made it okay for me to quit my job, even though I don't know what in the future exactly I can do, and I know it's not going to be easy. I take some online courses and still think about how I can get some kind of job. If it happens while my mother is still alive, we'll have to take what I'm being paid and find someone to help us. Luckily we are in a house with handicapped accessible furnishings. You can see how in so many ways we are lucky and all this makes our situation possible. With all that it's still very difficult for me, because I'm definitely on 24/7, and my mom, with bp disorder and probably dementia, just needs more and more care. And I think that part is everyone's story, right? Good luck thinking about all these things. The wisest words I heard here are above: any decision to quit a job should be very, very carefully considered. You might quit your job to help your parents, then find out that you are still not able to provide exactly the help they need. Good luck! OXOX Hannalee

3 yrs ago I quit my job at age 48 and moved back to mom's house She has PD. Would I do again? No. But at the time(3 yrs ago) I assumed (remember what they say about that?) that I would be able to get a job in my field and mom would have in home care while I was at work. What is that they say about wanting to make God laugh just tell him your plans. Now, no job and the prospects of getting one when this primary caregiving role has ended don't look great for someone in their 50s and out of the job mkt for years. My mother is a wonderful sweet person and helps me financially (she even wants to see if her LTC policy can start to pay me but I don't knowi f they will since i'm a relative and frankly I hope they don't so that could be a push toward others to be here besides me) But I wouldnt' do it again because it's not practical or healthy to just give up your life beccause of your parent's health because you will resent them sooner or ltr no matter how much you love them and get along with them. You just get tired of being tied to a person 24/7 and having no social life except for going to the store and MAYBE a brief weekend 2 or 3X a year -- IF YOU"RE THAT LUCKY (I have been but some on this site NEVER get a day off). If I had to do it over, I would not have done it and would have worked VERY hard at convincing mom to go into some type of assisted living facility. Would have been better for her to because they at least have activities there. Here it's just the 2 of us 99% of the time because her friends only make the birhtday/Easter and Christmas visits.

Good Advice.
I moved in with my father after quitting my job. I was exhausted. I moved cross country. He was a disabled veteran. I only moved there expecting to take a few college courses and get back on my feet. I was 48. I had been a divorced single parent and my son was in his third year of college.
He didn't tell me how ill he was, Cancer, Partially Blind, and Dementia.
I never did get back on my feet and the stress from caring for him, knocked out my immune system. I was unable to care for myself.
I had been a runner and all that stress threw me into Rapid Onset Parkinson's Dystonia. Stress kills.
No it's not worth it. I just was approved for social security disability at 64 years old.
I took out a private ins. policy 16 yrs. ago. The premium is 860 a month now.
I have 4 months of living expenses left and my retirement dropped to 600 a month.
After he passed on I had 3 yrs living expenses. EVERY BIT went toward health care and medicine for me. I will prob. not live to be 65.
Yes I am bitter at the situation I got myself into. I panicked. Didn't think things out.

Once you move in with them you are trapped emotionally and feel so sorry for them you forget about your own needs and lose your own idenity.
I had 0 people to help me. People treat you like garbage too. I worked in a Bank before. I will always regret it. I was so isolated. You end up being tied to their fear and lose your own self.
NO one can do it alone without it taking a toll on your own health.

Quitting your job to take care of your parents is admirable and most likely your are pondering this decision out of your "emotions" and not out of your "head." Quitting any job in today's economy should be an extremely well thought out decision. If you quit largely due to wanting to take care of your parents, you could bet resentful down the road. Of course, if you have other means of income for example a working spouse then this changes things. Just try to weigh the pros and cons. You will make the right decision but it should be right for you too.