We all need each other. If I didn't have my sister coming over I would go out of my mind. I can understand her. But not my husband. No one understands like the people that have been through this. These are people we love. It is heart breaking and depressing just to watch them. Eating with a fork , never thought a thing about it until I saw my husband pick up a spoon and eat his dinner with it. Putting his drink in front of him just like a child would do. I have to move it back so he doesn't knock it over. Push his plate in front of him. Remember how you had to do that for your kids? Gets food on his hands and keep on eating. Food on the table that never happened before. This is only the begining of things they use to do the right way. God bless all of you. Love you mom, dad, husband or wife. They need you more today than ever before. You keep up the good work with them and you will never be sorry. You will be able to stick out your chest and say, I did it! Hugs to all of you.

Thanks lovingdaughter, you are all very precious and great to talk with.

ginger123,
My mom loves her Xanax. I give it to her very sparingly. Whenever there is a change in something, be it schedule, new caregiver or I am taking her out, she gets stomach pains( spastic colon) If I don't give it to her, she takes to her bed, so I have learned it is better to just give it to her when she needs it. Only I can give it to her and it is hidden so that no one else has access to it. It is a mild dosage, but the DR. said it is for the best. God, hope I don't end up like this!!! Keep writing as this site has been a lifesaver for so many of us!

Thanks Reba, Yes I have Xanax that I can give her but I dont like to give her anything unless she is really upset, scared, etc. These conversations she has seem to be so enjoyable to her, she laughs and acts as though she were talking to old friends. Sometimes she will get upset or scared and I will give her something then. I sometimes think that I am handling this a lot worst that she is (lol). Thanks for being there. Take care and I'll keep in touch.

ginger123, I am sorry to hear you are having the same thing as I am going through. There is no other word for it other than HELL. If you get upset with her, you don't have to feel any guilt. We all have done it. I yelled at Ed because if I didn't he just keep going and doing what he wants. Which isn't good for him. You become their mother. You need to talk to you doctor and get something to make her relax. It is't going to hurt her. I gave my husband called Loraxepam 1mg. he slept for four hours. That gave me a break. Don't worry the doctor said I could do that. Don't let her get so upset and she talks and talks and talks.

Yes they see people and children, people in the back yard smoking, a man up stairs in an over coat. So many things. He said a man came in and sat down and smile at him, talk about being creepy it sure was. But she sounds like she needs some kind of medication so she will not do that. My husban would wake up praying and praising God that is ok but not in the middle of the night. You can give this pill 2-3 times a day. At night is a good time. I don't give it to him every day. Just wen he doesn't know what is going on. like your mom. I hope this helps I am so tired I can hardly type. so take care and let me know how things are going.

I am lucky my 83 year old sister comes and sits with him while I go into the office. It is our company and I think I would die if I couldn't do that. So I pay her very little she said you don't have to pay me we are family. How many people can you find like that.

Well keep in touch with me, I can tell you more. you are in my prayers too. God bless and help you.

Hi Reba, I do have my mother in my home and have had her with me for 6 years. I guess my problems are all of the above in no particular order. I am just thankful that I found this website so that I can be with people who understand! Tonight I feel kinda low. She slept for 2 days and nights so far this week and then started talking to invisible people the day before yesterday and talked straight thru until 7:00am this morning. I don't like to give her meds for any of this unless she is crying, upset or agitated. She just carried on conversations with people and had a great time. The really weird thing is that these people talk back to her and answer questions, make comments, etc. It is as though they are sitting around visiting!! Sometimes I get angry and upset with my circumstances because I have given up everything in my life(including my life) to do this and it's exhausting! But I made it thru today and will try again tomorrow. Thanks Reba and hang in there!

If you are afraid then you have to have a good reason or why would you be on here. You could get an outsider to come in and take blood from her and take it somewhere else to be tested. Don't let them know where or what you are doing. This way you can find out if they are doing there job. Take them to court if the drugs don't show up.. Hope this helps

Can you take her into your home. I loved my mom she was like an angel, so sweet. Never yelled at us. But my mom was easy to get along with. She would have loved to live with us as we have a beautiful home. She would have anything she could want. But everyone can't do that. God says we are to take care of our family. Most people don't know that. If you could tell me more maybe I can help with you problem. I am always up late.

Thanks Reba, sometimes I feel a little like those goats!! It would be so nice to just say, "I can't." I hear that all the time. But I love my mother too much to just do nothing. When I look at her lying in that hospital bed, my heart just breaks. I think of all the sacrifices she made for me and I know if I were in her shoes, she would spend her life taking care of me. When I get angry, tired and depressed, I try to calm myself, look at her and feel that love again.

I lived on a farm, some stay in the rain. Those are the ones without enough sense. LOL It happen to people too. Have a good day.

Me too, lovingdaughter. I don't think they will want me as my mothers poa. I once told someone, "My mother, my child, and my dog, will get you killed!!" Ha! ha!

Reba and SecretSister, You are both right. God gave a billygoat sense enough to get out of the rain, so he expects us to use our good judgment in life. But at the end of the day, when you go to bed, you use your faith(whether you realize it of not) to be assured that you will wake up in the morning. God bless us all for the path he has given us to trod!

The authorities are in the know, so I just trust in God.

God gave us a brain. If we know what people are doing wrong we are to go to them and tell them or tell on them. You can walk in faith while they kill your loved one. That is a job for us here on earth. God put us here to take care of each other and his earth

I have personally heard of ongoing investigations, and trust the source. Human nature is everywhere. Our assurance comes from above, and it's a walk of faith.

I WROTE TO THE WRONG PERSON BUT THIS IS FOR THE ONE THAT ASK THE QUESTION

Your loved one is not always safe at a hospital or a home. You have to keep an eye on them. What I have below is true. It happens in all of them. I was in the hospital watching how they treated my sister. They would chase us out so they could give her a bath. When I came back I kissed her on her face. NO they didn't give her a bath. You could tell - her face was oily and felt dirty. Who knows how many days she went with out one. That was in ICU, She was in ICU for three weeks.

Why are you asking this question? You must have a reason - and why do you think that? I am not trying to be smart. But they can fake the logs and take the drugs for their use or others. You will read what ever they put down. Would it mean they gave them the drugs just because its in the log.

Did you ever hear about fake logs - also I worked in a hospital and you wouldn't believe all that goes on and if they do things there, why wouln't they do them at a home. You ask and I am just telling you what I have seen and heard. Did you ever hear the saying "doctors bury their mistakes." I can't give you the doctors name but he was over medicating this person. The family got on him about it and all he said was "I am sorry" Why? because she almost died.

If there is s nurses on here tell what you have seen.

Good advice. Also, make unannounced visits and not at the same time. Ask to see her chart. Go when the meds are dispensed and check them yourself. Our local pharmacy messed up mom's meds last week, and if I had not been very familiar with her pills, she would have gotten 4 times the amount of thyroid meds and no Parkinson's meds. The pharmacist was so nonchalant about it. He has annoyed that I was furious. So, I don't rely on anyone but myself when it comes to checking up on mom and she lives with me. If she ever goes to a home, I will be a Pitt Bull!!!!!

Reba, I didn't ask the question. I was answering as to what I know about how to be sure that your loved one is given the proper doses of medicines, etc. Both my parents were in nursing homes and that is how I checked out their medication dosages. Yes, I had some horrible happenings to both of them regarding medication administration in the nh, however, I felt a little bit more at ease when I looked at the mar because the nursing homes here have both been under scrutiny from the State which will make them a little bit more afraid to "doctor" the mar.

ginger123, Why are you asking this question? You must have a reason - and why do you think that? I am not trying to be smart. But they can fake the logs and take the drugs for their use or others. You will read what ever they put down. Would it mean they gave them the drugs just because its in the log.

Did you ever hear about fake logs - also I worked in a hospital and you wouldn't believe all that goes on and if they do things there, why wouln't they do them at a home. You ask and I am just telling you what I have seen and heard. Did you ever hear the saying "doctors bury their mistakes." I can't give you the doctors name but he was over medicating this person. The family got on him about it and all he said was "I am sorry" Why? because she almost died.

I was in the hospital with a heart attack in 2007. I told them I can't take blood pressure medication, but they gave it to me anyway. because if you are in pain the BP goes up. Well my kidneys stopped working after 4 days. They called in another doctor, can't think of what they call them. He took me off of all blood pressure meds. My kidneys started working again. They make mistakes and sometimes they are big ones.

I could tell you a lot more. I really hope this helps you.

If you have durable power of attorney or other legal paperwork showing that you are legally able to discuss your mothers business, you can ask to see the MAR, which is a daily log of medications given, time given, who administered the meds, etc. This will help you to determine if she is receiving the correct meds at the correction times, etc. Hope the helps.

You don't know and if you are worried about her you take her home and pay someone to come in and take care of her. I saw how they treated my brother in law. Believe me I don't ever want to go to a home.. We had one friend call in the middle of the morning and he said they were withholding his medication. We will never know for sure if it was true. They would never admit it. Do they withhold medication to get rid of you? Don't think it isn't possible because it is. We know John and he wouldn't lie about it. He still had a sound mind. So I believe it to be true. He was in his early 60's - with drugs selling on the street wouldn't put it past them.