My mom agreed today to go to assisted living. Says she can't live on her own. I feel relieved and sad at the same time. Started to clean her condo tonight and saw for myself how bad things were really getting.Looking forward to hearing more of how everyone handles this transistion.

Beverly, I don't think comparing a nursing home or memory care unit to a prison is helpful or productive. It is great that you were able to move your mom in with you, but not all of us can do that. I work full time and am taking graduate classes, my sister has young children, and my dad is in poor health physically. When my mom reaches the point that she is in danger of wandering or setting a fire by leaving food on the stove, the right thing to do is to find a safe place for her.

OK... I just heard something new about the transition period-- usually a week. I heard that the patient is to not visit family. There will be emotional outbursts, but after a week, it calms and then the family can visit. I was shocked to hear this. Thought I would sleep in the same room as my mom the first week . What do you think is the best way to go

If you want to put her in a nursing home that is like a prison, that is up to you. I found a better solution. I keep Mom with me in a condo with a gated security desk. She cannot walk as far as the security gate and cannot get out of the complex. She knows she is in building M, but if she forgets the neighbors will help her find her way home. The mood swings result from the frustration of having no memory. They take it out on the caretakers who suffer the most. There are ways to be a better caretaker and if you google it online you will likely find helpful articles. The most important thing to be is patient and reassuring because dementia patients and confused and afraid.

My mom, with moderate Alzheimer's, is still living at home with my dad and sister's support. She thinks she is moving to assisted living, but they've don't take people with dementia when they start to wander. Her case works has suggested she go straight into memory care while she can still process what is going on. She thinks she's doing just fine as she is. Any thoughts?

What if the parent refuses to go to the home, like my father did? He refused to sign the checks because he thought if he did not pay the ALF that he could go home. He had no home to go to because my mother could not take care of him so I had to forge the checks to the ALF since he would not willingly give up POA. Eventually, the doctor declared him incapacitated, but by that time, he was ready for hospice to come give him palliative care instead of the horrible care he got at the nursing home, which forced him to live even when he could not see, hear, or swallow and begged to be allowed to die. If the parent does not want to go to the nursing home and won't give up power of attorney, the children face a nightmare. He had money to pay the ALF. I have no idea how we would have handled the situation if he had needed Medicaid. He was given much less attention than all the people who were on Medicaid, simply because the staff did not like him. He used to put his foot out and try to trip them. Be careful if you put a parent in a home. After what they did to my dad, my mother will be living with me until she is ready for hospice.

You did not say if your loved one has dementia or other mental health issues. If so, outbursts may be better controlled with some medication. Your doctor may be helpful in simplifying a medication regimen or gently encouraging compliance and to stop driving for their safety. Medi-sets filled weekly can give your loved one responsibility and independence(but supervision is a good idea) and gauge their medication compliance especially if they have some complex health issues.

Even before the actual move, you can already help your parents prepare for it. For instance, sketch a floorplan of the apartment and try to involve your parent in deciding how to furniture it. Or, while touring a facility, try to meet other seniors your parents can connect with and be excited about seeing again once they've actually moved there.

My mother-in-law was going through the same emotional outbursts and missing medications. One day my brother-in-law found her at home and she hadn't eaten or taken her meds in days. He called the doctor who said to take her to the hospital. From there, the doctor prescribed drugs for Alzheimer's and she went to assisted living. The difference is amazing!! She still forgets a lot, but she is a lot easier to get along with and the outburts are gone. Call her doctor and let him know what is going on. He should be able to help.

It s not constant...the outbursts and acusations with such venom...thing is you never know when the other shore wiill, drop...fell like i am being controlled be her anger...sooooofunnnnnnnn sweet otherwise, Can Not discusse a thing without the retrpution you feel to come and know it will. Qll I know is this is not going to work for me. I love allthe sweet things you guys talk about....nauta..nauta works....when if it seems so for a while...she will think of something to change the picture and how we are screwing her. I am just so tired an do not want a repeat of the vascula fibbillution (really bad irrgular abd irregular heart beat)at the er ever again...scared the shii....out o me...cause I am a healthy person? I thought.i am on sedatives tonight ...can't spell dick so pls ignore. thanks!!!

Stuck, sorry you are going through such an ordeal. Planning and everything else is important. Your sharing shows that real-life circumstances will always prevail. Sometimes you are doing everything you can as a caregiver by just treading water. When that is happening, the bigger picture view is overwhelming. Ask your elder's doctor or another professional you trust for help. Just look at one thing you can do that might improve your life even a little bit. Sometimes its respite care, whether its a friend, another family member, a neighbor, or paid respite care. When you have the energy, if you feel up to it, visit an assisted living facility by yourself, or with someone else you trust along to support you. Don't feel like you need to rush anything, or accomplish an endless list of tasks, ok?

I will find your blog...I had nor seen your ecomment. thankyou!

Tell me, when your parent will not follow medicaications, insists of driving, has nastly uncalled for emothional explosions..has not bathed inweeks( and is pecapable of doing so)only does exactly what she want shewants to do and it is getting to the point where I have lost control. I ended it up in the er the other night with artial fibrillation the othe r night and it tood the m 4 hours to get me back to normal. Is it time to look at assisted living? She still has money to spend down and it has not yet been 5 years since we bought the house from her. I.m not sure I can take her willfullness much longer. I am the Ough here.