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10 Signs of Caregiver Stress

61 Comments

HELP.... my mother moved in with me 15 years ago, she is now 90. I am totally burnt out, she broke her hip 3 years ago, has had several bouts of Escemic Colitis resulting in hospital stays, extremely hard of hearing even with top of the line hearing aids. We argue several times a day, mostly due to her hearing what she wants and always comes out negative. I have one brother that lives 600 miles away, he has tried to help, but Mom and his wife have issues. My mother is very opinionated and negative about all we do. I really cannot take much more, between doctor appointments, picking up prescriptions, buying special meals for her and general care I feel out of control. I had to retire last year from a job I loved just to take care of her. Most of my friends have given up on me as every time they ask me to go somewhere Mom has an issue and I cancel. I am sure I will go before her, I turn 70 next month, my body has worn down. I do not sleep, stress out all the time, clean up after her frequently, constant cooking. I feel my life is over. Anyone have any suggestions. I have tried looking for a support group in my area, mostly they are for Alzheimer’s issues. Any advice will be appreciated

I would just like to say to all those caregivers out there, that you are all unsung heroes and you should all be very proud of yourselves for your courage and compassion. Secondly, I would like to say, that your life, health and well-being needs to come first. And you need to ask for help. And if asking doesn't help, you need to demand it. And learn to say no. Believe me, it is easier said than done. But if your family members and/or friends won't help, then you need to reach out to local social services. Be it the department of the aging in your community, the hospice agency you're working with, a church organization or who ever and let them know you are facing burn-out and you need a respite otherwise you or your family member will be in danger. You may also have to put your family member in a respite or nursing facility while you get rest. You can not continue to totally sacrifice your life and well-being. I took care of my husband during his cancer treatment, and then through in-home hospice and less than 6 months after that, my mother went into the hospital, and then home hospice care. Now 6 months later, I am totally spent. Ended up in urgent care with blood pressure of 180/110, and then IBS, insomnia, and depression. I finally said "enough" and worked with a social worker to get some additional help. Also told my other siblings, that I had to take a break, and if they didn't step in for a while, then would have to live with the consequences because I could not do it anymore. I love my mother unconditionally, but she's 88 and I'm 58, and I can not risk killing myself to care for her right now. I need a break. I tell all of you, you need to put you first at a certain point. There is some help out there but you sometimes need to scream and yell and say "no more" before you get it. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

I have been a caretaker for my 90 year old mother with my two sisters. She is on hospice and we take turns sleeping there. The problem is they won't do weekends. They have said outright they won't do them, even after i have said this is unfair to me. One sister holds poa and feels she can tell me to do this. The other sister and i just don't get along. She does spiteful things like not bathing my mom before i get there, leaving garbage full, laundry and dishwasher full. I, on the other hand, have always started the next sisters day with a bathed mother and fresh house. The spite by this sister goes on. She is verbally abusive also. The poa sister agrees about the abusive sister, but doesn't care because she's happy not doing weekends. Most questions i read have to do with siblings not being allowed to see their parent. My question is how do i get out. Its not that i dont want to see my mother, but i can't allow them to tell me when I'm going to be there anymore. I know i can walk away, but can i be in trouble legally since mom is on hospice. If i tell the poa i am not doing every weekend and simply don't show up, is it her ass on the line or mine? Being in this trap is taking a major toll on me. A mediator is out of the question. Things are too bad between the siblings. I'm just wondering if anyone knows if i have to allow my sisters to dictate when i will be there to care for my mother.

I care for my husband who has dementia/alzheimers. I also am not well myself. I have cancer and am on chemo. Sometimes he gets to be too much for me but I still trudge through. I feel like I am trapped. He is paranoid and fearful that somebody is going to hurt us. When I try to do what I think is right and he has another opinion it always causes an argument. What can I do!?

I care for my daughter, who at the age of 38, became sick, went into respiratory arrest/seizures..and is ventilator dependent. She has been home with us now for over 3 yrs. She requires 24 hr care. We get caregiver help 10 hrs per day /7 days a week, but when they go home it's all up to me. If daughter gets sick then it is around the clock. I'm 64 yr old, have a husband, 4 more adult children, numerous g'children, and 4 great-g'children. To tell the truth..I DO HAVE caregiver burn out..no family help whatsoever...I am TIRED..also my husband and I argue all the time. There are weeks that I don't even leave the house. Haven't had a vacation in over 5 yrs!!!

All of us need to control our temper. But in old age it becomes much more difficult. Remember - old people do not need a pitying person. We need them as friends and comrades. Relationships should occur at eye level. Not from the bottom up and not from top to bottom. Here, read https://liftmyskills.com/anger-management/

This sounds like a silly question when I think about it: Is it too much for one person to take care of a mother with signs of dementia who is taking care of her husband/my father with terminal lung cancer? My mother absolutely refuses to get outside help and I am constantly running around trying to help them, and lead my own life at the same time. Help!

My 90 year old father in law is caring for his 90 year old wife at home. Four years ago she broke her hip and within the last year her pelvis. He refuses to place her in a nursing home. He has aides weekdays for 15 hours and weekends for 12 hours, which he is capable of paying. The problem is she is up most nights and combative and yelling, so he get very little sleep. He refuses to acknowledge he is sleep deprived, stressed and will not listen to reason. This is incredibly frustrating for my husband, who stops over every day.

I am dealing with caregiver stress big time. My 93 year old Mom has been with us for over 2 years now. My husband is slowly getting tired of not having a home any longer. We have care givers constantly in & out of the home. He is starting to suggest AL for Mom. What do I do? I have to keep my marriage first but how will I tell my Mom she has to go? I love her dearly & she is a sweetheart, yet the constant demands on my time is wearing me down. My husband & I no longer spend quality time together & I feel we are growing apart. Do I tell my Mom this is the reason she needs to live elsewhere? Oh such a mess to be in. God help all the care givers & the burnout that is inevitable. I don't want to do this to my children!

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