You need to become his Power of Attorney first.
Then keep a log of all your hours, even paperwork and doctor appointments, and mileage.
My mothers probate attorney told me, to pay myself $50.00/hour, as that is a basic "layperson" charge in Connecticut. My attorney thought $25.00 was right.

With everything I have done including becoming trustee, and handling everything including cruel unhelpful, family, that were mad, they no longer could control her bank account, I opted for the higher amount.
After all, she allowed my greedy sister in Florida, to berate her into paying her rent on the beach for eternity, and she took my name off the insurance policy.
Everyone got a million dollars. I got to be trustee and make sure they all got it, while I was paid hourly, for doing the emotionally draining part.
I also pay myself in small amounts, twice a year, so I do not get whacked with tax.
Pay yourself, and NEVER feel bad about it. Most draining work you will ever do. There is no gratitude either.
My mother died in 2012, and until my son is 25, I am still the trustee, making sure his education is paid for and that her taxes are done, since the house was finally sold.
Good luck to you~

I am caring for MY Dad with Dementia......I would like more information and or a support group on caring for someone with dementia..... and financially is there a way to get paid while I do this..

Hello, my name is Michael I met these friend of mine when I was 15 the mom (Helen) was in her late 70s mid 80s and she past when she hit 90. She left a will to her son (Richard) who's is about 60-65 now and the past few month I have Ben unemployed an he has let me go with out paying rent for 6 months. I was wondering what it would take to work for state to be his care taker and get caught up on rent. Any suggestions any one?

doinwhatsright, is your Father on Medicaid now? If so, discuss his needs with his case worker. If he is approved for household help and/or personal care, you could be the one paid for it. This probably won't compare to the amount you would be giving up quitting your job, but it is at least something. Best to find out what is available before actually quitting.

Also, it really sounds like Dad must stop driving, whether you can be his fulltime caregiver or not. Find out what kind of transportation is available in your area for those with handicaps. Of course he wants to go visit his wife. He needs a way to do that without driving!

StoicMan- im not sure what you mean by a cash gift. My mom is 84 and is in stage 4 of Alzheimer's/Dementia and is in a facility for this horrible disease. My dad is on a very limited budget and is legally blind in one eye and can't see out the other but refuses to give up driving to go see mom so I feel for his safety and other motorists I need to take over his care- he is very independent but is willing for me to quit my job to care for him. But I cant live on nothing and am going to school - in my last semester.

I believe you can receive a cash gift of about $11,000. Spend all the assets on your parents. It belongs to them. Pressuring them, even lightly, to preserve their assets for anyone else is wrong. They are old, vulnerable and they have already sacrificed for their children.

I am new to this and I am thankful I have found this site. I have not quit my job to care for dad but am considering this option after the first of the year. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Have siblings but none want to step up to plate so I am.

maebellish, I have a cousin who gets paid to take care of his disabled wife. To begin with the program she was on was paying more for the caregiver she had during the day than her husband was making. It made sense all around for her husband to take the caregiver job! Not all programs are that logical, but many are. Is your ex-husband on any kind of aid program now? If so, the place to start is to talk to his case worker. If not, then the place to start is seeing if he qualifies for any programs. One way to start is to call social services in his county and ask for a needs assessment. If he qualifies for certain services and you can perform those services chances are good you can get paid. For example, if he qualifies for physical therapy and you are not a physical therapist you wouldn't qualify for that work, but if he qualifies for homemaking services or an aid or companion so many hours a week you might be able to get paid for that.

Good luck to you!

I have a situation that I've been in for about the past 33 years ,and I'm wondering if you could help me. My ex- husband is paranoid schizphrenic. I married him in 1981. He was in between episodes so I didn't know. In about 1988 we divorced but he still lived with us for years then would take off and disappear living in the streets, then come back. He showed up at my door about 12 years ago (this is the longest stretch he has stayed since he was younger and he'll be here till he dies, he's too old to live in the street) his family wouldn't let him stay with them,. He wouldn't take medication, as usual , and it was a nightmare. Forgive my crassness ( I'm 62 now, tired from stress and just get to the point) . We live in a small town, and he would walk through it laughing and talking to himself, it was really hard on my son and me. I finally convinced him this time that he had to get social security and take his meds ,or he'd have to leave (I couldn't stand it anymore.I promise, I'm not a cruel woman) it took for ever, but it finally happened. The pills that they have for mental illness now are marvelous. If he takes it ,you can hardly tell that he has something wrong with him. Unfortunately, people here ,remember the spectacle, and it still can be a problem that way, but, not having to sneak his meds in his mashed potatoes every night , and ,argue and argue about taking the meds, and all that again was a huge help. We pool our reasouces now. I get social security and I have a little guest cottage I just started renting out. he gives me 900 a month(the renter found out that he was mentally ill and went ballistic and decided ( and she thought he was just bipolar-that's what I tell people) that he had been in her room and all this nonsense(a neighbor couldn't wait to tell her - same one that asked me to take her in). She appoligized to me later and said she was hormonal .But all my neighbors heard about it... We had taken care of her son for years before she moved in , took him for long walks ,baby sat for free, took good care of him ,he's mentally slow-no one else had the patience for him. I took foster kids in for a while, I was so happy to have a life again and have someone to dote over. He ruined that. He decided he didn't want anyone living here but me. It's my house my mother left me. I had to get a mortgage on the house. I feel like I'm starting over like a kid, but I'm too tired. I don't want to sound greedy, but Is their anything I could get for taking care of him. I can't do foster care anymore, I can't get a job, I don't want to leave him alone in the house for too long. He isn't horrible, but he doesn't have enough sense to not let the dog scratch the woodwork, Lets it poop in the house -- stuff like that... He isn't creepy or perverted or anything like that. He was above the average intelligence for most of his life but now he is loosing that. Maybe it's the meds. Anyway, you get the picture of my life. Someone has to give him his meds every morning and evening. I test him ( I'm alway worrying that I'll die first) but , after a few days he quits taking them. I don't want to sound greedy, but is there any program that would pay me to take care of him. I want to pay my house off again before I die. I want to leave it to my son. We've been through alot together and I want him to have that house when I die. Do I sound out of line.Thank you for your time.

I am in a similar situation. My dad is 84 and he bought a house for both of us to live in while I take care of him. currently I do not work as we moved out of state & I quit my job to care for him. He gets Soc Security payments and has all the Medicare insurance. Will he still qualify for SSI benefits and help with bills and be considered low income? And if I do the caregiving, will I get paid out of his income or is there another program that pays me? Plus with just buying this house, is there any programs that will help reduce the payments or help pay it off in case something happens to him? I have a Durable POA for him (have had for 20 yrs since Mom passed) and wonder if this is a legal document. It was signed by him & notarized. I would like to go back to work if I can find a job but worry about Dad. Any info you could provide would be appreciated.

it did help some but the question I have is, my mom does have dementia, short-term memory loss...she deeded her home into my name 1 yr and 9 months ago...if she has to be put in a nursing home is there any way of not losing her home...she has medicare, UMWA insurance and she draws $2,128.88 per month....

I'm venting. There was so much my mother could have done to make my life easier. She could have unloaded a lot of her personal items. She could have taken better care of her home. She put all her damn genealogy files in perfect order. Her financial paperwork all in a willy nilly paper bags. She used an attorney that was older then she is and now I'm left cleaning up his booboos.

My mother has Parkinson's diesease. The mental, physical and financial strain she puts on me is unreal.

It was a true pain in the butt, to get her to do her will, trust, durable power of attorney, living and finally a DNR. I think she has that "fairy tale" mentality that if I don't do these things I just will never die.

I know there is a provision in her trust that I can be paid what another company could be paid managing her assests. I guess it's1% of her total asset. Does anyone know how far forward you can push that. Also, what is the deal on reimbursement for gas.

Anybody else so weary that they wish the person you are taking care of would just pass on so they could get their life back. ( I know I'm not the only one)

Oh, gosh. I feel I am in the same boat. If my husband didn't have a job, I don't know what we'd do. It sounds like I can't legally get paid by Mom even if she wants to? I don't have money for an attorney, either, but Mom has some. I wihs I didn't have to involve an attorney, but I may have tol. I quit my job to care for her 5 years ago, and then she wanted to live with my sister, and I could never get another one at my age. So here I am. Mom is back, and I don't know what to do. I don't even have POA unless she is considered incapacitated by two doctors. Oy vey.

Hi there is a waiver program for aging people that do not need respite or nursing home care, it is done through the welfare dept all you have to do is apply, it is based usually on the person's income and household situation, i.e if they live alone.I find some states are more open to give assistance.Like here in pa where i am at it took me 3 months actually 6, to get my mom care, supplies etc, I was very fortunate and blessed that my daughter's aunt owns her own agency out her home and has been able to provide care for my mom. I also get paid on the weekend to watch her. It is a good proram so everyone should look into it merry xmas and nu yr

If your loved one cannot afford to pay someone (you) to take care of them, perhaps they would be eligible for Medicaid. If so, then a case worker would determine how much in-home help they qualify for at what skill level. Generally family members can qualify to provide some of that help, and get paid for it. For example, if 2 visits a week from a nurse are approved, a family member can't provide that (unless the family member is a nurse). If 32 hours a week of a personal care attendant are approved, a family member might be qualified for that, perhaps with some training. My disabled brother is provided housekeeping services for my mother, paid for through a Medicaid program. Care is not generally approved for 24 hours a day, because at that point a nursing home is more cost effective.

hi i wanted to no would i be able to take care of my grandma cause shes 80 years old and cant really do much i love caring and takin care of elderly people i took care of my boyfriend he suffer from 4 stage cancer he was only 45 and i was with him to the end and found out his older sister had breast cancer and now shes a surviver i help her so i wanted to no how can or where can i go to help my grandma !

Very timely information. I will follow this conversation.

Can someone tell me where on here or the form on here to fill out to get financial assistance for caring for my Grandmother whom has throat cancer?

A caregivers contract is perfectly legal, I have one but the money comes from the patient and wont go to the siblings who do not help in the end, as it should be, go get free advice from a lawyer, good luck.

According you cannot get paid to take care of an elderly parent with a POA form. The only thing that you are allowed to do is reimburse yourself for expenses.

Jess, as far as I know she cant unless its your grandmothers money and they make out a caregivers contract.

ok i have some questions.. my mom is currently taking care of my grandmother and she did'nt know if she could paid for this? we live in illinois, and we have no way to go away,any advice would be great email me at
thank you

my husbands daughter runs a nursing service called Florence Nursing Service and she wil not even help I have had a corneal transplant and have messed it up lifting and pulling on my husband and her taking our monney and leaving $5.09 in the bank for groceries I need another trrnsplant and she will not help out. She just wants to take every thing we owne and she has taken just about every tning I brought from Tx and it seems the courts are on her side. There must be help out there some place Jaunita

my attorney drew it up, it explains everything I do in explicit details on many pages and as the POA you can sign it instead of her for yourself. You can look up the normal pay for your area. Normal is almost 1000 a week, good luck, I am in the same boat here, moms in late stage dementia, incontinent, cannot walk or talk. Please sing to your Mom, they listen from a different part of the brain and love it, You;ll be surprised how they wil start to hum the tunes!!

Where can we get a caregivers contract ? My husband and I had to leave our home and our job in Seattle Washington to come down to Georgia to care for my 91 year old mother with Dementia . She has to have 24/7 care , wears diapers and diapers have to be changed . We still have bills coming in and I cannot care for my mother by myself so my husband has to help me , can we pay ourselves since I am POA out of her V.A. attendance and aids funds .

I've taken care of my 91 year old Mom for 8 years. Can I get paid in New York City?

Thank you for your comment. When my mom made her will and made me her POA, her lawyer warned us about Mom paying me to take care of things when Mom didn't want to or couldn't do it anymore. After reading your comment, I will definitely seek our a lawyer who knows about caregiver contracts. Right now I run all my mom's errands for her, arrange all her doctor appointments and take her to them, spend at least 3 full days with her a week doing inside chores and keeping her company. We don't have any kind of contract for that kind of care. She gives me money when she can, but I have it in a special account in case she needs it back some day or the state comes after it.

lyoung, NOT TRUE, the lookback is different if you have a caregivers contract! You can certainly get paid and NEVER pay it back. I paid a laywer and this is true, its caregiving, its a legitimate expense IF your Mom cannot be alone. The law is not blind to this, where are you getting your information, You can get $5,000 a month, half the cost of a nursing home for taking care of your parent. You have to get to a lawyer asap. any questions, email me.

It's true that the laws here are made to protect and very small number of elderly from being taken advantage of. I take care of my mom, but if she pays me, I might have to give all that money back. If Mom goes into a nursing home, and if she runs out of money to pay for it, Medicaid will enforce something called the "look back" law. This law was made to keep elderly parents from giving all their possessions to their children in order to keep the state from getting them if the parents end up in a nursing home. Nursing home bills are very expensive! I understand why Medicaid needs this protection, but it discourages family members like myself from taking care of my mom instead of putting her in a nursing home. She could pay me much less than the nursing home would cost her, but the law is blind to that. I would keep her until I had to call in Hospice, and she would never need Medicaid assistance, but she can't pay me. If she became more than I could deal with, and she had to go into a nursing home, and if she ran out of money while there, Medicaid would look 5 years at least back at her financial situation, and want the money I got from her even though I actually saved them paying for her for many years. If you are a good person, you will be treated as if you are a bad one, and there's nothing to be done about it. That's the way the law works.

I am so confused...I live in New Mexico and my father is on oxygen and various meds for chronic lung problems. He is not able to care for himself. I am responsible for ensuring he has his medications, getting them and his groceries and a good chunk of his living expenses. My husband and I have had to move in with him with-in the last 5 years to help him.
I don't know whom to contact or what to apply for to get financial assistance for being his care giver. Can anyone point me in the right direction...reading through all of this has confused me even more...
Thank you much!