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"I Promised My Parents I'd Never Put Them in a Nursing Home"


The plan was to have my brother and his wife and son move into my moms home to care for her. My mom thought that was a good idea to keep her in her home as long as possible. From the moment they moved in she did nothing but accuses everyone of stealing form her. She is so angry with us, we know it is the disease however it is getting harder and harder to assist her. She even throws tantrums, pulling her hair and crying "I just to be like I use to be" once she calms downs she tells us how she is happy we are helping her. My brother's wife has since moved out because my was really mean to her. My brother is still there at night, however the situation is not fare to him and his family. My brother and I have to work getting outside help is not going to go over well with mom because, she doesn't trust anyone coming into her house...she is becoming a danger to herself. We, don't know what our next step is....

I'm sorry that it's so hard but that is normal. I've found that many professionals are shocked when it comes to their own family members. No matter how compassionate the professional is, education can't prepare the person for what it's like from the other side. Best wishes.

Reality is often very different from how we think things will progress. Even a long career in healthcare hasn't entirely prepared me to make these decisions for my mom.

I move my mom in with me and she has caused a lot of chaos bullies my young children and lies behind my back about how she's being treated here I don't know what to do to protect myself from her lies or protect my kids from her abuse what do I do how do I get her out of here

Saddaughter1 - You would be wise to start your own thread if you want to maximize responses. This thread is 8 years old and most members probably aren't reading it anymore.

Also, a bit more information would help. Are you taking care of your father without your siblings' help, and are they assuming you'll go on doing it until your father dies regardless of the amount of care he needs? What do you think their reasoning is?

I have my dad's POA and truly believe it is time for an assisted living facility due to dementia and poor health. However, my 2 siblings who live out of state vehemently disagree with me. HELP!

BlueEyedAngel - your fiancé's dad should be somewhere he gets 24x7 care & it isn't you!!! You have three young children and work various hours - I think it is time you guys move to your own place and focus on your family.

Move fiancé's dad someplace he has round the clock help & continue to visit him and look out for him - but someone else has the 'hands on'

Good luck

My fiancé and I have been taking care of his 89 year old dad for 5 years. January of this year he fell and broke his back he is going blind has macular degeneration we talked to the staff and doctors they told us he needs 24hr care he's wheelchair bound he's wearing diapers now he's incontinent we have 3 kids who are in school my fiancé works night shift 6 days a week so we are thinking of keeping him there longer his other kids don't offer to help and his older daughter is no good she's verbally abusive and a drunk she won't leave us alone and the stress on my fiancé is to much in 2014 I was 2 months pregnant but lost the baby because I picked up my father in law when he fell. She just wants us to bring him home so she can keep asking him for money she only come around and causes trouble and steals from us. My fiancé is to the point of packing our things and leaving. I'm sorry but we can't take care of him like that I am not going to get yelled at cursed at or kicked out or pooped on or peed on anymore. Do you think it's wrong

ChrisA, you said "Have nurses live in their home. Have two nurses per parent. They will get immediate care. Make their home pay for their in home care. "

Just how much equity are you assuming most seniors have in their homes? It would take a huge amount of equity in a home to provide four nurses round the clock for any amount of time. Your idea makes sense if the parents have millions of dollars in equity tied up in their home which can be accessed through a reverse mortgage or whatever, but almost nobody has that. A lot of seniors tap into their home equity to cover their expenses long before they start requiring nursing care. And most retirees' homes are just not worth that much.


i had to put dad in a residential home its killing me i now have to sell thisa house to pay for fees i know hes well cared for but im so upset