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My Parent Won’t Shower or Change Clothes. What Should I Do?

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My father has Parkinson's disease and he is in Russia. He has not been formally diagnosed but it is obvious to us all and his doctor wants him to run some tests. He refuses to take a bath and wear clean clothes. He has kidney disease and is partially incontinent but denies it. He wears the same pants and when they are wet, he just hangs them to dry and wears them again. He can barely walk to the bathroom so he has jars filled with urine all around the apartment. He refuses to open windows. My mom is paralyzed from the waist down and needs help but he refuses to let anyone into the apartment. My sister comes to help, but she has a job and a young child so she can only come once every couple of weeks. When she comes, she says the smell is unbearable. I live in the US and only come to visit once a year. We need to get Dad to agree to have someone bath him and wash his clothes. Every time my sister tries to broach the subject he starts yelling that she is not letting him live out his life like he wants to and mom gets a headache and starts crying and it is a bad situation. There are no nursing homes that my parents can go to. My mom cannot even sit up. They NEED to stay at the apartment. There is a lady who could help but how to get Dad to agree? Please help!

My father has Parkinson's disease and he is in Russia. He has not been formally diagnosed but it is obvious to us all and his doctor wants him to run some tests. He refuses to take a bath and wear clean clothes. He has kidney disease and is partially incontinent but denies it. He wears the same pants and when they are wet, he just hangs them to dry and wears them again. He can barely walk to the bathroom so he has jars filled with urine all around the apartment. He refuses to open windows. My mom is paralyzed from the waist down and needs help but he refuses to let anyone into the apartment. My sister comes to help, but she has a job and a young child so she can only come once every couple of weeks. When she comes, she says the smell is unbearable. I live in the US and only come to visit once a year. We need to get Dad to agree to have someone bath him and wash his clothes. Every time my sister tries to broach the subject he starts yelling that she is not letting him live out his life like he wants to and mom gets a headache and starts crying and it is a bad situation. There are no nursing homes that my parents can go to. My mom cannot even sit up. They NEED to stay at the apartment. There is a lady who could help but how to get Dad to agree? Please help!

I grew up with the weekly bath routine and find I don't need to bathe every day the way I did when a young adult. I think that older people do need to sponge bathe. I even make water with bleach and soap and sponge with that. No odors and feel clean after all body sponge. Hair I do in the shower. Change of clothes every other day at least is important. I want to be a hermit and avoid people to avoid illness and doctors. Also, stop feeding older people pharma and let people live and die naturally.

you can instruct the person nicely to please do this now and if we do it together you can be given some help because I am here to help. if they are being rude or non compliant you can inform them of the reasons. The real reasons are its not healthy to be unwashed and it's not clean to be in a room that's dirty and it's not good for you to be in this state. you can let them know others may notice and this wi create a problem because someone will question why it's happening
You must ask them if they care and if they do not leave it. It's not worth it. Let the Dr. handle it.

Why not try a Honor Guard personal care garment? You wear it right in the shower, and can be used to modestly cover while changing clothes. They are sold by Dignity Resource Council.

Baths and showers are no longer a choice. I sponge bathe my daughter when she is in a good mood.

The woman I work for has very poor hygiene. She flat out will refuse to let us wash her clothing, towels, dish towels....everything. Laundry has to be done on the sly so she doesn't go into a rage or begin yelling. She allows us to shower her but has been refusing regular hair washing. she does not use soap to wash her hands and insists on touching with dirty hands all of the food in the house. She is frequently sick and I believe a lot of it has to do with not keeping her hands clean. She becomes very agitated with any suggestions so that part is out. Family hasn't been able to reason with her. My concern is that, if she stayed in the home, we could let certain things slide, but she gets a lot of company and frequently leaves the house for appointments, etc. I am worried that others will think that she is not being well cared for because of her appearance. Well meaning people would not imagine how difficult she is inside the home. Her family knows all of this and we have their full support. She is not that far gone that she doesn't understand that she is declining, but still is unable to see the benefits of keeping herself, her clothing and her home clean. What I have begun to understand is that she is always worried about money. I'm thinking that she equates keeping clean with spending money. Detergents, soap, water, paper towels etc. all cost money and I now believe that she feels she doesn't have the money to "waste" on these things. I was wondering if anyone else had had this experience.

You have one of the hardest situations imaginable when it comes to this issue. Does your father-in-law have an old friend who he might listen to? Likely, since he's this bad, he suffers from depression or a type of dementia - or both. He needs medical care (as you know) but also, as you know, getting him there is the problem. Again, an old friend may be the answer. Someone of his generation could be more to his liking even when it comes to getting him to the doctor. I hope that you can find a solution.
Take care,
Carol

I need some advice. My fil doesn't shower, it is months between baths. He lives with us and the smell gets so strong I don't call him for dinner until after we all eat because it's so bad. I hate doing that. He is a very opinionated and mean old man. He lost his youngest son two years ago, which I know has been hard. He has had six heart attacks and has a pace maker. He drinks every day and doesn't ever want to go do anything unless it's run to the has Station down the street. He cancels his drs appointments all the time and reschedules. I can't make him take better care and he isn't incapable of doing these things. I have no clue what to do. My husband won't talk to him, says he will just get mad and tell at him and worrys that will mess with his heart. My father even tried inviting him out to a local festival his treat with music and beer, right up his alley. He cancelled last minute. I just don't know how to help.

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I have a non-medical home care agency and would like to become a vendor