I found that adding a few cups of apple cider vinegar to a bath greatly helps to encourage the Alzheimer's patient to get into the bath tub, with much less fussing. Maybe the water is more soothing with the addition of apple cider vinegar (it might soften the water somewhat)? Please note that apple cider vinegar must be used, and not white vinegar. This patient stopped complaining almost immediately when immersed in a warm bath mixed with apple cider vinegar - however, he did complain mightily when he had to take a shower. It seemed as if the spray bothered him quite a bit.

My husband has not showered in 2 years. He is very stubborn about any hygiene at all. He says he washes up, but he has a terrible odor which he has passed on to his chair He likes to sit in, so stinks up the whole house. He is able to get a home care person through the VA, but he refuses anyone coming in to help.

Jesus! your mom forgets to bathe and now you have to stick her in an care facility? I notice a trend around here with sticking your parents in a facility away from you because you can't handle the issues with an elderly parent. How do you think the parent will feel? They raised you from infancy to your teen/20s and you can't care for them for the few years they need you as they lose their faculties? You deal with it like a grown up.

My dad has dementia and the thing for him is afraid of falling although he can get agitated..when the word bathe comes up...

My husband is 63 has TBI and refuses to bathe or shower more than once a week. It’s a point of contention. Plus he’s either all or nothing with his hair...either lets it grow shaggy all year, or just buzz cuts it. It’s like he is afraid of the barber or says it’s a “waste of money” to fuss over his hair.

There are bath wipes out there that can be used to take a bath without having to get under or into running water. They do a great job and keep the person smelling sweet. And a lot easier to convince someone to use if they refused to get into a shower.

My 75 year old friend has not shaved or cut his hair in 4 months. Should I be worried about him? He says he wants to look like that.

What do I do if I'm living with my soon to be wife, have done for some years now, but her father will not bathe or even wipe himself when going to the toilet.

I've tried talking to him till I've burst into tears because of how awful I felt in asking him to have a shower once a day to stop the house car and anywhere he occupies stinking like a used nappy.

He refuses to eat how the dietician tells him to. He even shouts his wife from the other room to make him a sandwich and fetch his beer because he's lying on the floor watching TV in his own filth.

It's reaching breaking point in our relationship because no one will actually say clean yourself or we leave, or you get a carer in to bathe you.

The house has been remodeled to suit him with walk in shower and stair lift and even as far as replacing 4 stair lifts because they have all buckled under his weight now they have even bricked up one for in the house and knocked a hole for another door so they can put ANOTHER stair lift in that supposedly won't break this time.

And frankly the in home assistance has made him even lazier. The only exercise he got was climbing the stairs. Now the most he gets in walking from one room to the other or the car.

All the time my partner and I have to live in the same house as him and zero consideration for us.

It's like he assumes everyone around him is his carer/there to service his needs.

His hygiene is non existent.
He talks with his mouth full spattering food everywhere wipes his hands on clean towels...
I saw him eat an entire leg of lamb once... Not even kidding. The whole leg.

It's driving me to a mental breakdown again.

GREAT INFORMATION. My mom hates shower days at her memory care home and I hate the stress it causes her. I agonize more than she does. This article was helpful to know how common the problem is and that we just have to do the best we can.

If your love one won't bathe, there are products out there that will help. Comfort Bath is one of them. Each package will clean the whole body and leave them fresh smelling and skin soft. You can have them remove one piece of clothing at a time. Have clean stuff to swap out with and toss what just came off into the laundry. I have a mental problem when it comes to being under water (shower/bath) so I use this. I stay very clean and smell good. And I don't end up with a panic attack in the process.

My father has Parkinson's disease and he is in Russia. He has not been formally diagnosed but it is obvious to us all and his doctor wants him to run some tests. He refuses to take a bath and wear clean clothes. He has kidney disease and is partially incontinent but denies it. He wears the same pants and when they are wet, he just hangs them to dry and wears them again. He can barely walk to the bathroom so he has jars filled with urine all around the apartment. He refuses to open windows. My mom is paralyzed from the waist down and needs help but he refuses to let anyone into the apartment. My sister comes to help, but she has a job and a young child so she can only come once every couple of weeks. When she comes, she says the smell is unbearable. I live in the US and only come to visit once a year. We need to get Dad to agree to have someone bath him and wash his clothes. Every time my sister tries to broach the subject he starts yelling that she is not letting him live out his life like he wants to and mom gets a headache and starts crying and it is a bad situation. There are no nursing homes that my parents can go to. My mom cannot even sit up. They NEED to stay at the apartment. There is a lady who could help but how to get Dad to agree? Please help!

I grew up with the weekly bath routine and find I don't need to bathe every day the way I did when a young adult. I think that older people do need to sponge bathe. I even make water with bleach and soap and sponge with that. No odors and feel clean after all body sponge. Hair I do in the shower. Change of clothes every other day at least is important. I want to be a hermit and avoid people to avoid illness and doctors. Also, stop feeding older people pharma and let people live and die naturally.

you can instruct the person nicely to please do this now and if we do it together you can be given some help because I am here to help. if they are being rude or non compliant you can inform them of the reasons. The real reasons are its not healthy to be unwashed and it's not clean to be in a room that's dirty and it's not good for you to be in this state. you can let them know others may notice and this wi create a problem because someone will question why it's happening
You must ask them if they care and if they do not leave it. It's not worth it. Let the Dr. handle it.

Baths and showers are no longer a choice. I sponge bathe my daughter when she is in a good mood.

The woman I work for has very poor hygiene. She flat out will refuse to let us wash her clothing, towels, dish towels....everything. Laundry has to be done on the sly so she doesn't go into a rage or begin yelling. She allows us to shower her but has been refusing regular hair washing. she does not use soap to wash her hands and insists on touching with dirty hands all of the food in the house. She is frequently sick and I believe a lot of it has to do with not keeping her hands clean. She becomes very agitated with any suggestions so that part is out. Family hasn't been able to reason with her. My concern is that, if she stayed in the home, we could let certain things slide, but she gets a lot of company and frequently leaves the house for appointments, etc. I am worried that others will think that she is not being well cared for because of her appearance. Well meaning people would not imagine how difficult she is inside the home. Her family knows all of this and we have their full support. She is not that far gone that she doesn't understand that she is declining, but still is unable to see the benefits of keeping herself, her clothing and her home clean. What I have begun to understand is that she is always worried about money. I'm thinking that she equates keeping clean with spending money. Detergents, soap, water, paper towels etc. all cost money and I now believe that she feels she doesn't have the money to "waste" on these things. I was wondering if anyone else had had this experience.

You have one of the hardest situations imaginable when it comes to this issue. Does your father-in-law have an old friend who he might listen to? Likely, since he's this bad, he suffers from depression or a type of dementia - or both. He needs medical care (as you know) but also, as you know, getting him there is the problem. Again, an old friend may be the answer. Someone of his generation could be more to his liking even when it comes to getting him to the doctor. I hope that you can find a solution.
Take care,
Carol

I need some advice. My fil doesn't shower, it is months between baths. He lives with us and the smell gets so strong I don't call him for dinner until after we all eat because it's so bad. I hate doing that. He is a very opinionated and mean old man. He lost his youngest son two years ago, which I know has been hard. He has had six heart attacks and has a pace maker. He drinks every day and doesn't ever want to go do anything unless it's run to the has Station down the street. He cancels his drs appointments all the time and reschedules. I can't make him take better care and he isn't incapable of doing these things. I have no clue what to do. My husband won't talk to him, says he will just get mad and tell at him and worrys that will mess with his heart. My father even tried inviting him out to a local festival his treat with music and beer, right up his alley. He cancelled last minute. I just don't know how to help.

My mother has Alzheimer's, everytime I tell her to take a bath and change clothes and wash her soiled clothes, she becomes so agitated. How can I encourage to take a bath and change fresh clothes?

Once I figured out it was fear of falling I could adjust for that. Later, when my mother did not like the water falling on her, I installed a handheld shower unit. When she could no longer step into the tub and I was only showering her twice a week, I called it "spa day," and that she liked. When she was finally bed bound and totally incontinent, my mother was cleaned all the time. But we (aids and I) still called morning ablutions, "spa treatment" because she also got smeared with coconut oil which really helped her skin retain its integrity! And she loved the sttention.

I can identify because we went through the same with Mom. (not bathing or washing, long nails, not eating, fighting us about everything) Sadly, its the dementia and you can't change it, and you won't win arguing. Hopefully you could move him to a memory care unit? Sometimes medication can help, at least with the aggression, but we never found anything to get Mom to cooperate.

i am the sole caregiver and my dad lives alone, but near by, however, I work full time and have a family too. my dad clearly has (un-diagnosed) dimentia and is completely uncooperative in everyday living tasks. no bathing, wont even put ON clothes (just his boxers and a tshirt) and will not change them. he keeps his house at close to 90 degrees and insists its cold. he eats once a day even though I bring him food or fix him food... he wont eat it till hes good and ready, or sometimes not at all. he has no energy to even sit in his chair. he lays down all day only getting up to use the restroom or his food. he has long finger and toe nails, long hair and wont shave his face. and refuses to go to a doctor.

when i bring it up he gets mad and says "please don't do this to me"
Ive called social services and they said theres nothing they can do since he has food in the house, is monitored regularly, and is not in any immediate danger. They did send someone for a welfare check and he didnt answer the door, so it didnt help at all. he doesnt like people or strangers coming to the house.

Mom (just turned 96) has had home care aides for 3 years now. She's fussy about having a daily shower and nightly wash-up, but there are some CNAs to which she is sometimes resitant (fill-ins). Bathing is a very personal activity, so even when I'm visiting Mom, I have the CNA for three hours in the morning to help her with showering, dressing, and eating breakfast. It gives me time to go out for a walk or run, maybe run errands. I know when she stops caring that it will be a sign she's going downhill, rather staying at a somewhat constant mental state. Agencies usually require a minimum of 2 hours per visit, but even if you can only afford a few times a week, it will be well worth the expense and peace of mind for you and your loved one.

This is a very old thread but still an important one. The important part here is washing not bathing or showering although that would be nice and your approach will depend on your loves ones' state of health. I use the word health rather than cognition.
Get identical sets of clothes for those who refuse to change. Don't worry if they sleep in them, what does it really matter as long as you can get them off every few days. Do the actual washing of the body while they are wearing a large robe. You can reach up underneath it perfectly well and they can wash their own private parts, They are not exposed to cold drafts which even in a warm bathroom can feel like ice with a small breeze.
Never have the patient stand naked, keep that robe on while they step into the shower or tub. It does not feel as naked once you sit down or the water is running and you can't actually see your body. If they won't tolerate water then fill a large plastic bowl with water as hot as your hand will and it and place this in the tub or shower and use this to do the actual washing never actually removing the robe. A caregiver washing from behind is not as intrusive as doing it from the front. If all this fails try buying some of those bathing aids that you warm in the microwave and don't need to rinse. It does not matter how you get your loved one cleaned up. They may fight the bathroom but agree to a sponge down in their bedroom or the kitchen. Hospitals often use non rinsing liquid soap that they just add to the washbowl. Be careful with bottles of liquid soap because they stand around in the bathroom and feel ice cold on the skin.
If you have the luxury of a bath aide and the loved one for what ever reason won't have anything to do with him/her introduce them slowly. Do something like having them come in on the pretext of socializing and serve something messy. Prep the Aide and have her offer to get a cloth to wash face and hands. Thats it do nothing more and if there is still no co-operation just have the Aide wash her own hands which will be non threatening. Even pretend the Aide is the just to clean till Mom gets used to the visits.
No advice on inter racial relations I am afraid. This may always be a problem as so many Aides start their careers in this low paying job while they work their way through nursing school. I personally have observed highly trained Drs and Nurses in their country of origin working as Aides and housekeeps while they work towards being licensed in the USA which can take many months to even years. There is also often a language barrier if the worker does not have good English skills.
So there is a great deal more to getting Mom to take a bath than a little persuasion or treats at the end of it. You have to think out side the box and stay ahead of the competition (Mom)

Decrease of smell is important to remember. My husband has little sense of smell. Once in a while he'll sniff the air and say he smells cigarettes. Neither of us have ever smoked, no one has come in the house smoking, and no one is walking on the street smoking.

Perhaps while he's showering you can sneak in and replace the clothes he took off with clean ones.

My husband only bathes when he has an appointment, and not always then. He'll go two weeks, and fortunately I still have the sense of smell and I will tell him he needs to bathe. So far, he trusts me to remind him.

Dad does actually shower every morning. It's just that for almost 3 years, soap and shampoo are not included. He does take his clothes off and on by himself but it's always the same dirty, poop-stained clothes. I finally had him tested to confirm that he has frontal temporal degeneration but they won't do anything! He wants no help, and nobody will give him help against his will. So, pretend you're not repulsed by how he looks and hold your breath. That's my life.

This article helped me understand the commonplace nature of this issue, as well as validating the my approach I have been taking with my husband, who is 20 years older - don't nag, compromise my own standards. The author helped me by suggesting I also take into account the possible influence of decreased sense of smell and dementia. Thank you!

My Mom used to tell my Grandfather (who was very frugal with money) that the water is running and his bill is going up he better get in that shower lol..worked every time. My Aunt would tell my grandfather they were going somewhere special (McDonald's he loved that place) and he'd take a shower to go there. It must be very frustrating to be older and get tired. Everyone needs a little excitement, encouragement and something to look forward to.

wife fell down and had a concussion had surgery and is not
herself