After moving in with 80-something mom after a divorce she added my name to the house. Four years later the question is how much more stress and anxiety can I take for a few hundred thousand dollars more if I can make it to the end. It looks like another year or two until hospice. It sometimes feels like its going to kill me as we do not get along though I get her good care and she’s in her own home. Do I just give up now or keep going? It’s a very tough call. Will I kick myself if we sell the house to put her in care and then things dont work out for her in a home plus there goes the house which would be helpful. Its very tough.
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I am not sure why I didn’t think clearly when I moved my mother in with us. I thought she was easy to live with but the thing is no one is. Because once you establish your routine it’s hard to change and have someone else around every single day.
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I hate my 84 year old MIL. She is mean, she smells, and she is so selfish. I did it because my husband feels obligated. Thankfully, she mostly keeps to herself except when she comes out to socialize when I have people over. Then the stupid questions start (how much money do you make?) and the same old stories (let me tell you about all of the men I dated). She does NOTHING all day except watch TV. She has no friends and talks on the phone a couple of times a week but that's it. She has grandchildren she may see a few times a year but they have their own lives as grownups with families and jobs. She does not contribute to the household at all. She bought a third of our house but other than that, nothing. She just takes up space and contributes nothing emotionally or intellectually. I used to care but recently I just kind of gave up. I guess I am a horrible person but I really just want her to die. However, I am fairly certain she will live another 10 years at least. I love my husband and am so happy with him but this can be very stressful at times. I am worried about the inevitable decline and what that means for caregiving. Right now she is fairly independent but what does the future hold? In order to stay sane I just try to keep to myself and stay away from her. To anyone considering this living arrangement, it may mean a nicer or larger home but if you are miserable when you are there, what is the point?!
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I don't regret it but it's hard because I absolutely CANNOT STAND the rest of my family. When my mother was in assisted living I didn't have to see them and now they think my house is a hotel and they can come over whenever they want, cancel at the last minute when they say they will come and I've planned the day around it, don't help in any way. I couldn't stand them before and now I really can't--it makes me angry all the time. There is no talking to them either, so don't ask me to try that. They don't contribute financially, with time (they conveniently aren't vaccinated so they can't be with her to give me a break (and they don't care)), they don't call me to ask how it's going....NOTHING. Her birthday is next month and they've planned to have a cake AT MY HOUSE AND TOLD ME WHAT ACTIVITIES THERE WILL BE. OMG. I WANT TO SCREAM. I WANT TO RUN AWAY. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP. The granddaughter telling me what activities I'll have at MY house doesn't even call my mother. Not in a couple of years. The only time she knows we're alive is when it's time for us to give her kids a birthday gift. My siblings are also her children so I try to be fair--let me know when you want to come, and we'll have a convenient time. Just don't come on a Friday night or Sunday, that time's for me. I have a full-time stressful job on top of everything else. I do the cooking, I do the laundry and I get no breaks except for an hour or two I can go out when she's all settled in (her mind is fine--it's a physical disability). They have always been this way. Honestly, when my mom passes I will be happy not to have anything to do with them ever again. I know that sounds awful but, believe me, I have my reasons. In the meantime, my stomach is in knots and I'm always angry. I'm really getting bitter and angry I have to deal with them. I don't mind taking care of my mom. I mind that they don't help with the bad stuff but they want to act all caring and kind when it comes to the good stuff. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. They come and go and do whatever they want and don't think I have the right and the need to do the same. I can't stand it, really. They are a real piece of work. My mom often agrees with me but never says anything about it to them. Never has, never will, which is why they get away with it. Thanks for listening.
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Not a bit. My parents moved in with me in 2019 - they were in their late 70s and my dad had Parkinson's disease. My mom had been caring for him herself, and her health wasn't that great either. My dad made it to his 80th birthday, but then passed away due to issues relating to the Parkinson's.

My mom is still with me, and she has ulcerative colitis, so she's been in the hospital twice now for blood transfusions, and since my dad passed, she's been ... needy, passive but controlling, and hard to motivate. If challenged on anything, she dissolves into angry tears and withdraws for hours/days.

Thankfully, she's continent and mostly self-sufficient; when she feels well, she is really good about taking care of herself, and when she isn't feeling well, she's better at saying so. She has always hated making phone calls or dealing with mail, but she kind of has to now, so the challenge is getting her to take ownership/responsibility for the things she can do and to ask for help to learn how to do things she doesn't know how to do yet.

Easy? Not a bit. At the same time, there have been some wonderful moments interspersed with the other that make me glad I did this for and with them. I'm fortunate in that I don't have a husband or children, so it's not as difficult as it could have been. It was actually harder while my dad was living, because he was more manipulative than my mom, and his bitterness about the PD made him vindictively incontinent....

My own attitude hasn't been consistently cheerful either, which never helps, but at the same time, I'm learning the resilience and attitude adjustments that I need to learn to help me get through the rough parts. Plus, all of this is showing me new ways of handling things with my mom, insights into how she might be feeling (even though she isn't really great at expressing herself), and ways that I can carve out care for myself so that I don't find myself at the end of a really short rope of patience with her.

Tomorrow is likely to be a different day - I'm still working remotely a few days a week because she fell a couple of times, and I didn't want her to fall and I wouldn't find her until I got home. I'm finding that the days she's all on her own can be better or not, depending on what she's found to entertain herself. She's good about not leaving burners on, so she still cooks, etc. The worst thing is she goes grocery shopping like she's buying for an army, and there are only 2 of us here..... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If I had it to do over again, I would have done it sooner.
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Yes. I moved back into the house when my mother and sister died. My father just turned 95. It could be worse but he is so annoying and disgusting. Strange, all the bad habits he had as a younger adult, are magnified 2000 times as an elderly man. Somewhat controlling personality in the form of providing unwanted advice ranging in topics to who should be my friends and I should get married and have my new bride move into this house with us (i'm 58). Constant loud and disgusting throat clearing and then spits it out in a paper towel . He does this at the dinner table.- I work at home I have to wear ear buds with white noise to block it out so I can focus. Sloppiest person ever- its like picking up after a 3 year old. Just leaves half eaten food on the table. Wastebasket has become a foreign concept to him. Puts dentures on with paste at the dinner table then after dinner takes them out to talk while they are in his hand or my other favorite, he just leaves them on the kitchen table. Nosy- he has opened my credit card bills on a few occassions and said it was a mistake. Interesting, this never happened with any other kind of mail. Bedroom smells horrible - odor i cant describe. I feed sorry for the cleaning woman who comes in. Yes I regret it.
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yes :( it has caused an almost divorce between me and my husband (cuz I’m so stressed and my weight has skyrocketed I dont even feel like myself anymore). But we are taking steps to make changes - this forum has been eyeopening and such help and I’ve only been on it 24 hrs or so!!!!!
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My mother lives with me .  She is 90.  Up until last year she could get around fairly well with a cane.  Last October, 2019, she had a colon blockage that resulted in a colostomy.   She has never regained her strength even after PT and everything my husband and I can do at home to help.   I work full time.  My husband is retired.   Thank God for him otherwise she would have to be in a nursing home.   Not to say all are bad but it is just a promise I have always made tp her that I would take care of her . 
She has become very moody..combative at times.  So unlike the her.  Mom was always an introvert.  Very quiet, but compassionate and loving to all those around her. 
Its difficult.  Age 90 with  colostomy  she cant take care of herself properly.   I check on bag every day.  It is hard.  I work close, so if anything happens my husband can call me.   It is uncomfortable for him to deal with which I understand.   I thank God that he is retired and willing watch over her otherwise.
I don't mean to complain.  I Know there are others out there like me.  Just want tp vent maybe?  and I feel guilty saying that?
But I will never regret having her live with me.
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I did not regret it. I wish my mom was still living with me. She passed over at age 95 in 2016.
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GREAT article. I am in this situation myself and it’s hard to not feel guilty for wanting out of the caregiving role. This article makes me feel better that this is such a common experience! Based on my experience though, I would never recommend to ANYONE to have their parents move in!!! It adds SO MUCH stress!
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I kind of had no choice due to health problems so basically the very child in the worst physical shape is the one who has had to deal with everything. I know it has cost me years of my life. My health is even worse and no one ever even asks the caregiver how they are doing. I also know some other caregivers who only lived about six months after their spouse, and one who got cancer while still looking after family member. I would never say to move in unless you KNOW you will be treated with some respect and thoughtfulness. Don't be surprised to find that you are taken for granted by everyone in the family and treated like a maid. I would wish this situation on no one. Everyone in my family seems to think I was put on this earth to look after them. Sorry but had enough!
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The only way out is through: until there is a level of care I can't handle or at the far stages of dementia or at hospice care. That's what I decided but revisiting now my decision because I'm examining my own outcome in all this, a marathon of caring for family members at their end of life stage.
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Absolutely I regret it. I lost my own life, lost years of income I sorely need as a single person with no children, had her destroy the tiny thread of a relationship I had with other family by lying about me to turn them against me, lost my mental and physical health - oh yes, and lost the last chance of a shred of relationship with her, albeit a fantasy in my own mind.

I have a passive/aggressive covert narcissistic mother, so maybe if you have a mother who cares about you and loves you, you'd have a different experience. As you can see by the comments here, those who were loved and treated well and don't have financial issues of their own don't regret it, the rest of us do.

I guess on the plus side, thanks to the internet I was able to finally identify what caused her (and her golden child siblings) behavior towards me. I still haven't stopped believing that I am unloveable, but at least I'm aware that the notion is one that was planted in my brain from earliest days and that possibly I can try to erase it. But you can probably figure that out without uprooting your life by living together. I don't recommend living with the elderly parent at all, if your situation is like mine.
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What happened to my comment?
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I did move in with parents and, the moment I was in, I knew it was a big
mistake. My parents were relatively stable at this point, but they started treating me like a child again. I stayed about. 3-4 mos. & moved out while they were on a trip (yes, I notified them I was doing so). You want to see that your elderly loved ones get the help they need: that ought not to mean having to move in. I said it at 50; I’ll say it again at 82: your life must come first.
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I had made such a promise. In fact, my father and I went to an attorney and had all the legal paperwork drawn up in 2014, when he was still cogent. I had to move back home and in with him two years ago (2016) and have lost 3 jobs as an RN as a result. (he continually woke me repeatedly in the day and afternoon when I needed to sleep). 6 months ago, we started with word salad and vastly increasing confusion. (he has no short term memory.) I find myself getting angry and yelling at him over stupid things. Then of course, feel really bad.

I feel very guilty that I will have to put him in a facility very soon (like within a month) and have decided to take him for inpatient geropsych evaluation at a local hospital.) But that does not make it any easier.
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Hallraspberry1, since you feel that it is the worst decision not to mention all the rest, remember YOU are entitled to a life and sounds like you would not want to alienate your children and miss out on their company, moving out makes a lot of sense. And especially because your mother is "young" at 70 and could live another 10, 20 + years... you need to ask yourself, is this really how you want to spend a good portion of your life?! An assisted living for her would be a. better choice, but if she will not go and will not allow home services NOW , then moving out looks like your best and only option to keep your health and sanity. Good luck to you!!!
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I have lived with my 70 year old mother for 2 years. This has been the worst decision of my life. My mother has become increasingly demanding and child like. (She does not have dementia.) She sleeps 20 hours a day. Refuses to eat unless someone makes her a plate and literally brings it to her. She is very capable of making herself a meal. She BEGS not to be left alone. We all work. She refuses to pay someone to come sit with her when she will be alone claiming she can’t afford it. She can. She is mean spirited and aggressive. I’m at a loss. Ready to move out but I have to deal with her guilt trips. My children can no longer stand to be with her because of her attitude. She lies constantly about everything. Lord, I’m tired! Any advise is appreciated.
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Do not regret caring for my parents then or now . The caregiving to my dad was short 3 months lung cancer and i went to his home . Mom sold her house in Ms. move to Alabama , bought a house here ,my husband & I live with her 11 years before she pass away . I have memories that make me happy & sad but, no regrets . Feel bless & at peace to have had the honor give back to them for ALL the sacrifices they gave to me .
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Lizzie, I am happy that your time with your folks worked, but I will not miss my mother at all. It has been all about her for 93 years. I will miss that she will never understand the the things I would like to talk to her about and share with her, but I've reconciled and have come to terms with that. I will be relieved when my mother passes away. Then I can begin my life.
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cmagnum

Thats easier said than done. Too long to post here but if I had an out I would have taken it months ago.
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why not?
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Burnedout2017

It sounds like your husband is clueless as to what you are going through. Why tell him it is either his dad or you for you are fed up with things as they are?
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I regret it everyday! From the minute I wake up until the second I fall asleep!
(This is the 2nd time, the first time BOTH my MIL AND my FIL lived with us, in my living room until after 3 months of BOTH of them I had had enough and found them an apt and moved them out!)
Now here again my MIL died and hes back.
Our house is small and with my father in law (hubbys dad) living with us and me being a girl, I have no privacy. I cant wash clothes in barely there outfit. I cant take off the clothes Im wearing to throw in the washer. Before work I have to get dressed to go to the laundry room to get my clothes to get RE dressed for work.
We have been having a heck of a time with making food. We like a variety, he will ONLY eats and wants mexican food. This arguement came about last night after him living here for 8 months. I made a big pot of Italian food, this man insisted on pouring Siracha ALL over his food! He told ME it was good that night, the next day I went to heat up his leftovers and he told hubby he didnt want it because “it tastes funny” ughm yah! He told my husband it was “old” even tho I made it the night before. (If he doesnt like something thats his way of getting out of eating it, he says it tastes old”) Hes OLD! Hes 86!
He struggles everyday with the microwave but has a fit when I try to help him because he doesnt want any help! He barks at me “I can do it!” He wants HIS OLD microwave back. Its way smaller and has a dial. So I would have 2 microwaves taking up counter space! NO! He says “I want the microwave in my room” WHAT THE? So he can take food and cook it in his room! NO!
Every time I make something thats not mexican food he says is “weird” and he gives me dirty looks.
My husband dotes over him and lavishes him with ALL the stuff he wants and think he needs (like 4 boxes of different cookies on my table, 3 bags of different chips, just in case he wants something different) I like my table clean with a vase of flowers on it, but with all the cookies and chips theres barely any room for the plates to eat! My refrigerator is so full of drinks for his dad that I can barely put a drink for me in there.
I hear him shuffle out of his room and I feel sick. He talks about everything he watches on the news. Especially who died, whos dying, how they died, why they died and whos going to die!! Then he tells me all the stuff on tv about stories that he gets mixed up because he cant hear and refuses to wear a hearing aid because “ there was an article in the AARP book that said hearing aids can cause cancer” $,.?&@‘&),;!! to you AARP!! Grrrrrr (He believes EVERYTHING he reads or is on tv!! Now he wont even go take a walk because 1 day our ozone was bad so there was a warning to not go outside. So now he wont walk anymore. (I have given up trying to explain it)
I don't watch tv at ALL! I like movies and music the news is too depressing.
I cringe when I hear him in the kitchen. I wont get out of bed because if I do he will ask me to do everything FOR HIM! “Get me this, get me that”
Sorry if Im venting but at 50 something years old Im starting to struggle with high blood pressure (which I never had before he moved in) I dont sleep, I barely eat. I never thought my life would be this way. Me and hubby were alone for over 10 years before FIL moved in.
Do I regret it? You bet your sweet bippy I DO!! Every second of every day!!

(He has 5 kids and we are the only ones who he wants to be with, no one else even offers! But they are loaded with advice!)
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Yes, I regret it. Totally. My mom is narcissistic and always has been. She is 92 and in very good health. She does get unsteady when she turns around too fast or the like, and her vision isn't the best. She came here to visit not quite a year ago from her house/home a few hours away. I thought it was best for her to live here where she has company and I can take her for dr., vision, dental appts. as needed. She has mentioned a couple of times going back to her house to stay and I firmly said that if she wants to do so that that is fine, but she will have to have someone (an aide) to come in and help. Mom has the finances to do so. I even mentioned another option, that she could sell her home and I mine, and we could get another with a better layout with more privacy for her and me both, and then she could have a lot of her belongings with her (because her home and things are "everything" to her)....but of course she didn't want to do that. I lost my husband 20 years ago and have worked in a traveling job on and off over the years since until 4 years ago when I wanted to settle down again and get my own house and have my things from storage back with me. So my things mean something to me, but not like my mother. I am of the mind that if I get to a point where I cannot afford it or health wise need to downsize, I would be fine with a few books, and "some" things. But I have always been of the mind after all that traveling and learning to do without, that I would think Mom would be happier with family for company and to get out and do things some of the time. But no, Mom's things are way more important to her. I might mention here that I am the only one left, brother and father died years ago. I have 3 adult children, one of whom lives with me and we get along so well, and the other 2 not so far away and we get to visit now and then. Mom however is fine to go out to eat, or maybe shopping, but she wants to go nowhere else. In her hometown, she has no one, no social support, and no friends. Her life was about me when I was a child and was there every single second of my life with no breathing room. When I married and moved away, it was all about my dad, until he passed away. As mom aged, she became less able to go on her own (she has a car and license) but did not go to her dr. appts., and needed help with that and grocery shopping. She talks incessantly about herself and her needs, and I told her that if she lives with me I can get her to her different appointments, because luckily my full-time work out of home schedule allows it.
To this day, she does not want to let go of her house and thinks I will end up moving in there to take care of her. And yes it was mentioned in the past by her, she thought I could get a job in her town and live there and cook meals everyday and I would be happy (with no life, but her). I said you don't want me Mom, you want a husband. SO, I definitely in my head "put my foot down" and knew that I would never move in there. But with different comments along the way that is so typical of the narcissist, she truly hoped I would fail and have to live with her. And I am thinking to myself, I never ever will do that even if I have to be homeless. The idea that Mom is ok for me to give things up in my life because of her wants is NOT ok anymore. I had a job overseas that I really loved and gave it up because I thought I needed to "take care of her and be there for her". I have even once mentioned this to her, but her idea is oh that wasn't important, you shouldn't have been there anyway.

When she first came here, she made it very clear to me that she wouldn't stay here if my daughter's boyfriend was here. So I made it clear to her that he and my daughter are currently living together with me and that was that. I said he is the nicest kind of guy you could want around, give the shirt off his back to someone kind of guy. It has been one struggle after another with her, and the most recent was my coming home after going out one night with one of my daughters for dinner and drinks and enjoying the night and coming straight into my room and closed and locked doors and wanted to continue the night out feeling by not talking to her and instead using earplugs and watching movies on my computer. Well, guess who started knocking loudly on my door to see if I was home and was alright (my car was in the driveway... why wouldn't I. be all alright?). But I didn't answer. It was like I wanted to be left alone. Well, next comes banging on my door, followed by calling my phone and leaving voicemail and then walking outside to my sliding glass door, with curtains, trying to peer in and pounding on that door, and then going back to the other door and pounding. My daughter came home about that time and told her I was fine and wanted privacy. Well ever since then, she has sneered, and episodes of running to her room and slamming the door, and just last night, came hanging over the side of my recliner in the living room, asking if I wanted another French fry, I said no, and she tried to insist I take it, and when I said "No, I said I didn't want it", got mad and went to her room and slammed the door.

Yes, I regret taking her in, and this is not over yet. If this acting out continues on, I will take her back to her home and let her live on her own. But, I told her I will not be coming to visit. I do not want to go through her things with her and listen to a story for each and every item that I have heard a thousand times. She is 92, I am 63. It is time for me to have a life, and if she cannot stop living in the past every second, then I am sorry for her, really truly sorry. But now that I have lived with her and understand how sinister narcissism is, I do not choose to live my life with her attempting to manipulate and control me as in the past.

Oh and yes, I would like to date again, but as with my daughter's boyfriend here, Mom made it clear she would not stay with anyone else in the house. She is not interested in my happiness. She thinks she is my everything... omg!
Good.... goodbye, Mom. I have loved you my entire life, but I do not like you in the least and I would never have chosen to be friends with you. So the next time you choose to act out, you will be out.... out back to your own house 3 hours away with hired help. No, I will not miss my mother when she dies. Not at all.... how could I ????? She has never left me alone one minute of my life. When my mother passes away, I will be able to stop my anxiety medication and enjoy the rest of my life.
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NO WAY IN HELL, do I regret being there for my parents. I took care of them for two years and the third year I moved in with them. Honestly it did create a few issues with the husband at first, but he knew it was what I wanted to do for them and he accepted it. I got to know my parents as an adult on adult relationship and I learned things I never knew. we spoke about everything under the sun. yes, there were times mom got under my skin but at the end of the night I went to bed with the memories of the positive not the negatives. my dad was so perfect, and had a great sense of humor. we were laughing all of the time. He talked and talked to me until the dementia took complete control of his mind. mom was a tough cookie but the love shined right thru that and I loved her back.. I lost my parents a short time ago, dad the end of oct and mom three weeks later. I truly understand the negative issues the care taker has to deal with daily but now I also understand how it is to loose someone you love forever. I would give anything to have them back. I miss them so much. I never harped on the negative , I learned to live, love, and learn from them to the very end. to this day I go to bed and thank god every night that he gave the strength to take care of the two of them to the very end.
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I guess my parents did me a favor by dying before they needed long term care (Dad, heart attack at 64, Mom, gall bladder cancer at 80). Then my second husband had a major stroke and died 3 weeks later in free standing hospice at age 72. My first husband, with whom I have no relationship anymore, has Lewy Body Dementia and is in a nursing home as neither of the children were able to quit their jobs and care for him. He has enough savings to last 5 years at the place he is. I am pretty sure my children don't want to care for me, and I could not take my daughters' 2 cats and 5 dogs and the smell. Right now my son has a teenager at home and his wife has A-fib, so that wouldn't work. I am actually in good physical health, but I worry about dementia as I have one ApoE4 gene and am now 80 years old. I have LTC insurance (two policies) and a reasonable income plus savings so my children, who probably wouldn't and couldn't, won't have to do anything but visit as long as I recognize them. My daughter is a nurse, but overweight and not physically strong with a bad knee. She wants full POA if she is going to be medical POA. I am thinking of a trust administered by an attorney so they will not fight over how to spend my money.
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My mom has end stage Alzheimer's and I've been dealing with this stage for nearly 5 years. While a challenge, I truly love my mom and I thank God she is still with me. When she dies, I would not know what to do or how to cope. I cannot imagine my life without my mom. She is a lot of work but she's still my mom and you only have one mom for all eternity. I don't ever want to lose her. NOT EVER.
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Most valuable piece of advice I received before we moved my MIL in with us: Have an exit plan. Decide exactly when you will know that you have had enough. Be specific about which behaviors will necessitate a change of circumstances. Otherwise, you will make every adaptation, decide each new demand "is not so much" and will not really understand that you are stretched too thin, emotionally, physically, financially. My husband and I decided before we moved his mother in with us that we would not longer keep her in our home when she could no longer manage her colostomy, which she had taken care of independently for forty years, and/or when she needed nighttime care which would prevent our getting our own sleep. We had her with us for five years. The first three were quite good. Fortunately, we had all three always had a healthy and affectionate relationship, we had a large home so that we could all get away from one another (my husband and I are retired), and my MIL is usually considerate and grateful. Year four began to be more stressful as her dementia and OCD behaviors became more challenging and we had to begin hiring in-home help--all at our expense, as she had long since run out of savings and only had a small social security income. Year five found us feeling trapped and increasingly resentful. We had new grandchildren we rarely had time to see. MIL fell and broke her arm and needed extensive care and rehab and then paid home care for quite a while as she couldn't feed, dress or toilet herself if we were not home. Shortly after she recovered from that event and our lives returned to a new normal, she fell and broke her hip, and the subsequent surgery, hospitalization with complications, and rehab took a dramatic toll on her cognitive functioning. She came home pretty much unable to manage her own toileting and in danger of falling when she went to the bathroom at night. We were paying for 18 hours of care a day and were still stretched to oversee her care for the other six hours. It became increasingly obvious to us that she was unlikely to make a full recovery from this event--her cognitive decline seemed pretty permanent. Fortunately, we looked at one another and said, "I think we're there" because we had already promised ourselves to change course when her limitations became that limiting to us. It took us four months to find a placement for her--because of her colostomy, most AL places would not take her, and we wanted to avoid a nursing home for as long as we could. We have been paying for additional levels of care for her at an AL near us ($3,200 base plus $1,900 supervised care) for a year. It's not ideal and I fear the facility will soon want to move her to memory care, which will double our costs, but our home life is our own once again. We still see her three or four times a week, but we can go out to dinner and visit our children and grandchildren without extensive planning. We're both glad we were able to have her with us for five years, but it was very hard and was only going to get harder. We're fortunate that we had the resources to have a back-up plan, but I think we might still be trying to make having her here work (We feel guilty every day.) if we hadn't built in an exit plan.

On another note, my younger sister is the primary care provider for my own mother in another state. My mother "lives alone" in her own home, which really means my divorced sister is there six days a week; she often spends nights there after leaving her "real" job. Sometimes my sister thinks of selling her house and moving in with my mother (Mom would love that but won't consider selling her house and moving in with my sister) so she won't have two houses to maintain, but I keep talking her out of it. Even if she only spends a couple of days or nights in her own home, it's a psychological break and she needs that. Every now and then, she and my mother have a blow-up and need a couple of days apart. We're all human. I go down often to give them a week's break from one another. We're all trying to make it work.
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Yes in some ways I do. After being diagnosed with cancer, I thought their demands would subside somewhat. Instead, nothing has changed and the expectations are increasing. My financial position is tenuous at the moment or I’d be gone.
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