I can so relate to not liking a parent. I'm an only child, so everything rests on me. I've filed for guardianship because she can longer responsibly maintain her household bills or manage her health care decisions in a reliable manner. She thinks I'm trying to take her money, but I just want her to leave me alone, period.

Neglecting yourself doesn't give you breast cancer. Maybe you will find out about it later than if you were regularly getting check ups, but that's not why you got breast cancer.

I sat here, at the age of 62 last night, the night of Father's Day and 7 years after his death and was talking to the air at my dad after looking at all the wonderful memorials people put on Facebook. My father had vascular dementia but could control it around the nursing home staff but not me. He always was a narcissist and had a horrific temper but I believe loved me until I started formulating my own opinions in my late teens. The last Father's Day I bought and sent him a radio and CD player to play his CDs and he yelled at me screaming that his landlady's daughter gave better presents than I ever did and he threw my gift into the garbage can! I yelled at the air last night that I was really pissed, I do not wish him a "Happy" Father's Day and he treated his only caretaker, me like garbage. Why did he hate me so much till his dying day. Everyone believed him as he was as sweet as pie to them, not me. I did read your book and have connected with you over FB before, but this is still bothering me. Why do they hate and abuse the ones they are supposed to love. I am an only child also.

I came upon this when I googled how to be a caregiver to a parent you don't like. I feel like I've finally found people who know how I feel - the raw truth! So many similar stories that, to be honest, I laughed till I cried! First time I've laughed in years! Gallows humor sure, but still a better drug than xanex. I can't get off the toilet one day - go get me a laxitive the next. Go to the store and get me two bananas. This isn't a real hurrycane go get me a real one. I've lived too damn long so I'm going to start smoking again to speed things up. Well, it worked but not as he planned. Now he's on oxygen for the rest of his life and has declined mentally so he's crazy and mean. I want to run away. When I found out he was being released from rehab to go back home I wanted to die. I'm 60 years old with other serious family troubles, separation from husband, only child dropped out of college, etc., but I spend all of my time serving someone who takes out every frustration on me and acts like I exist to serve him. My health is going down the tubes. I've gone from being a healthy person who went to the gym five days a week to a lumbering arthritic wreck. Plus , I'm now going crazy myself. Serinity now! It's like childbirth, being forced to endure the unbearable. Only, instead of the reward of a baby you get years and years of the same soul crushing life. I was even plotting how to afford assisted living and if he lives two more years he will get my social security check! That's the only way to supplement his social security when the money from selling his house runs out! Im looking into assisted suicide when I get old and troublesome . I won't do this to my child. Sorry to go on and on. Thanks for the belly laugh.

Very thankful for this site- I see myself in all posts. Caring for my elderly mother x 6 mos who was showing signs of decline so I've moved her in with me. Well , she now seems to have rallied!!! She was never abusive to me as a child and took care of me physically but very very minimal emotional availability. Her personality traits ( some narcissistic coloring) that irritated me thru out my life seem exacerbated . I feel tethered to my home like a goat to a tree. I cycle b/w resentment and guilt and try to remind myself daily that as difficult as it is for me how must it be for her??? Helps temporarily. The number one take away for me is I do not want to live into my 90s not for myself and definitely do not want my kids to have to deal with this. Thank you all for sharing hope you eventually get some relief and can enjoy life once again.

How do I deal with a mother who was abusive emotionally and physically when I was growing up but I’ve not seen for 20 years and Now has health problems. SHe has no money never thought about life insurance etc. or prescription insurance. Was recently hospitalized and diagnosed with atrial fib relation and I have spent over $600 helping her with her medication and she was very nice at first and now that she had a cardioversion and is feeling better she is starting to be verbally abusive to me again. I feel very burned out and Hurt because I spent a lot of money and time to try to help her be well and now that she is feeling better she starting to be verbally abusive again and I don’t know what to do about those. I have been trying to do the right thing by helping her but I am feeling very sad and upset.

Absolutely - it may not be the right thing. It can be very damaging to care for a parent who as been and still is abusive. Pauline Boss, a psychologist, recommends that adult children who have been abused do not do hands on caregiving. I could not possibly ever care for my borderline personality disorder, narcissistic mother. I do distance caregiving and that is difficult enough.

I was with you until you said caring for them was "doing the right thing." it's a choice to take care of one's elderly abusive parent. It may not be the right thing. And that's ok.

I care for my 94-year-old mother-in-law. She is part owner of our house and has lived with us for 30 years. For most of that time, I worked outside the home and she would take care of our children. My kids are now grown and Mom is becoming increasingly incapable physically. I'm now retired and taking care of her while my husband continues to work so we can pay the bills. I have been her caregiver for 2 years and I hate it. It's not that she's mean, but she always complains or wants to tell me what to do. I hate being tethered to the house. There are many mornings when Mom is sleeping in and I stand in her doorway watching to see if she is still breathing, hoping that she has died during the night. There are so many times that I have to fight the urge to physically harm her. Often, It's my outsized respect for forensic pathologists that keeps me from doing anything terrible.

My story..a mother who passed from Alzheimers last year.. at 78.. a father who is 81 who cannot understand he needs move on and sell his house.. is trying.. but no offers at his price.. doesnt want to leave.. has always been difficult.. has no relationship with my siblings..fought with the one sister who was living with him.. now she is leaving.. He has trouble walking due to neuropathy,,IM convinced he has dementia.. depression is a diabetic..and has Afib..
has lied and been deceptive freq.. which has got him into the financial situation he is in now.. I am the power of attorney and executor.
He is chauvenistic.. and belittling..seems to have no respect for women.. and had three daughters.,
I tired of dealing with his crap..wont even let me sell stuff from his home because I wouldnt get enough for it.. would be giving it away.. almost like he is not living ina reality based world
my mother..was self centered and they fed off each other.
im exhausted from dealing with them alone. I have anothersibling.. the oldest sister.. no where to be found.my parents always helped her.. but she is non existent through this.
if any thing. I need prayers

My mother lives with my sister. She is 90 and has everything wrong with her. She was a great mom when I was a kid, then she turned mean when I grew up. She pits my sister, brother and I against one another all the time. Nothing pleases here and you can't do enough for her. She is always saying things to me that make me feel very guilty, like "I know you don't want to be around me", and things like that. I'm 60 now and the guilt I feel for not having loving feelings for her is horrible. I just don't want to be around her. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin when I have to stay with her if my sister is out of town. And the trouble she causes between me and my sister is just unbearable. We fight all the time because I don't help her more with mom, and come see her more. Bad fights. I just can't help it. I don't want her to die, because I know I will miss the mom I used to have, but at the same time, I wish she would pass so all the angst and anxiety will go away.

Maybe not first, but high on the list.

"Oftentimes caregivers need to be reminded to put their own health first..."

If caregivers did this, they wouldn't be taking care of difficult elders at all.

I have two young children and my husband to care for as I'm a SAHM. For two years I've also had my elderly father who can't even make his own cup of coffee or bathe himself and does nothing but smell terrible, have terrible hygiene, and watch loud, violent tv all day and refuse to wear the headphones we bought him. I'm the youngest of four siblings but the other three are never seen or heard from. My father was a terrible father. He ignored me through my teenage years and I ended up homeless. He never inquired into my life or sought to help with anything or to give me any guidance other than "don't get pregnant." Now I have to care for him right when I'm wanting to have my third child. But I can't handle a son, preschooler, baby, husband, and dependent father, because I have no family assistance. If I wait much longer I'll pass my child-bearing years. Im giving up a career and more children to spend my 30s caring for a father who never bothered to care for me.

I have a mother that started not eating its off and on....so she was placed in rehabilitation then 3 weeks later longterm care ...one day i came their and she was crying confused do i started feeling guilty and then found out their is in home care where medicaid will pay for aide to come to my house as im preparing im wondering can i really handle this again .i have also had times where she wouldnt take her meds if she pist because she wants to go back home .but dr out there said she needs around the clock care ...and every time i see her rest home its difficult i suppose to transfer her home in 30 days

Texas gal, I feel that I know exactly how you feel. I feel such guilt when I hear how lucky I am and that it could be so much worse. Yes, to both. But that doesn't mean it's easy. I am a stepdaughter, only child, and dealing with a mother who really never showed me compassion. My memories are more about doing housework and doing it again because I didn't do it right. I had to eat everything on my plate, whether I liked it or not and now have to deal with someone who complains about everything she eats. I suffer from only-child syndrome...don't talk back, be respectful, etc. So now that she lives with me and has moderate dementia, when her passive-aggressive side shows its self, I tend to just shut down. But worst of all, I just don't have any compassion for her. She refuses to move into a retirement community, even though we have a gorgeous one that she can well afford. I feel angry over having to give up my retirement years to deal with this, and I too, sometimes find myself just wishing this would just be over. Then the guilt sets in again. (Sigh). Just know you are not alone. And, I too, appreciate being able to vent without being judged.

Texasgirl... I hear you... (we mirror each other quite a bit)... Believe me you're not alone... This site has been my God Send for many years now... It's extremely difficult to say the least. Keep strong, keep going out... definiely keep your job... the outside helps sounds like a great idea....

: "You are teaching your children how they will probably take care of you someday. So plan for good Karma!" How about never having kids yourself because you didn't want to pass on the abuse you grew up with? No way will I.ever subject myself to her evil in my own hands me! 15 years of it was more than enough before I ran away to get away from her. There is plenty of karma and she can face her own....I would never allow her toxic narcissist personality to poison my life ever again. Doing the right thing can also mean moving far far away....

Readying through these I realize I'm not alone. And I have it somewhat better than some of these caregivers but I am facing extreme burnout. I work full-time, fully support myself as I'm single and mom has moved back in with me again. She is 90 and thankfully still very independent and can drive. She's NEVER been happy - and I have many memories of her berating me, criticizing me and treating very different than she would a total stranger. People thank we are so lucky to have our parents and I keep struggling with the guilt of just wanting this to be over. We have lived together off and on for 17 years! (NOT counting the years from birth to 18 when I moved out). I'm 56 so that is a lot of my life I've given up being her errand girl taking her shopping, and to the doctor, being her companion, and/or whipping post when she's mad at the world and takes it out on me, and I'm tired of trying to obtain her approval. I've reached the moment where I don't care what she says about me. I know I'm an awesome, caring person who deserves a life of my own. She's always tried to control me and never even told me she loved me until I pointed all this out in along letter (after a huge fight). She has done some really nasting things to me - been very emotionally abusive. I thought with age she seemed to mellow and started showing more respect for me and even telling she is proud of my accomplishments etc. I have 2 brothers - neither help out hardly at all. One lives 10 minutes from my house - it's been 6 weeks....nothing. No visit - a call here and there. I truly think my family thinks I'm Superwoman and can handle all of this on my own. The resentment is growing and I pray I can make it through this without going crazy myself. I recently got to go out with friends and enjoy a normal day with people my own age - it felt amazing!!! At the moment she is mad at me after I basically challenged her acting very crotchety towards me - for no reason. She said I yelled at her...ahhhhh no - you cannot hear and I have to repeat everything to you. And nothing I do is enough - so I have taken a time out. I'm not sure what I'm going to do in the future but I now know that NO ONE wants to deal with aging relatives! So I plan to seek help outside as I refuse to give up my job - I need to hang onto my home which is paid for. God Bless all you caretakers out there. Thankful for this site and it allowing me to vent without being told I'm lucky I still have my mom, and how amazing she is, etc., etc., etc. Or it could be worse..yea really? It could be worse but I'm freaking tired emotionally, and lately physically!

Well, I am not a day to day caregiver, but I'm the person Mom reaches out to when things go wrong. I felt like I was always second fiddle to my younger brother, who was so cute, so smart, just everything. Now I won academic honors and all, but yeah I had the crooked teeth, the messed up nose, and was overweight. I was the butt of all the jokes. My dad died when I was just entering my teens; we had more in common than I do with my mom - the same interests. She has since that time played the role of the young widow, life was so hard,she had to do it all. In reality, yes she was the only parent around, but she did not have to go to work (she was the typical stay at home mom), did not have to worry about money, but she was controlling. We could never do things right, so she did do a lot of the yardwork. When she would spend money on us, we still hear about it to this day. Everything in her world is tit for tat. She would help us move - any relative, because again she's very controlling. She did a lot of the work, but we never heard the end of it. The last time I moved into my new house, I did not want her help. She cried and cried. Finally, I went to get her (she lives over 4 hours away). Nothing I did was right, of course. Now, she is much older, and any time she has any sort of malady, which hasn't been anything life threatening - just stuff that happens when you get older, it is endless drama. No one has ever been as sick, hurt as bad. The past weekend I visited as she was crying on the phone. Constipated first - which I get constipated every time I visit her now (just a tad anxious), then her hemorrhoids were "acting up". She wouldn't even get out of bed when I got there; I got one of those plastic sitz baths (after asking her if she thought she'd use it). Oh don't pressure me, don't yell at me. I just was saying let's try it, so you won't hurt. Yelling and crying at me. I went into another room. I even looked at her rear, and honestly, it didn't look that bad. Good thing I'm not squeamish as she was pooping and farting as I looked. I cleaned up stuff, after she spilled the sitz bath all over the bathroom. I did laundry, made meals, ran errands. We tried every home remedy I had found and researched online. I think she expected that I had a magic wand to cure it. She does whine a lot and I made the mistake of saying something about her whining. Not a good move, more tears. I drove back home and she was all aloof when I called, then said oh I'm so lonely when you leave, as the guilt trip started up. Spoke with her yesterday and she was all upbeat. Today she calls me while I am at work multiple times, crying and saying what a horrible day she had, how rotten I was. I didn't put the bath towels in the right laundry basket, I didn't clean out the fridge, I didn't pull back the shower curtain the way it should be. Then I heard how she was pooping non stop; I am sure she took more laxatives as she said she felt bloated. (I'd also told her if the hemorrhoid didn't ease up within a week or so, she'd need to go to the doctor as it could be something else. Nope, that wasn't going to happen - doesn't like her doctor as he doesn't fall all over her with sympathy and knows she's all about the drama. Plus her medical book (from 1991) said it goes away. Nothing for the doctor to do). She had to clean up herself multiple times, and I'm just rotten for not having her live with me. A year or so ago, she started telling me how selfish I was to go and buy a house without her seeing it, plus we were going to buy one together - that was her plan. Her "dream" was for us to live together. Never, ever did she ever say that to me. Maybe I blocked it from memory, but no way no how. She would stay with me sometimes during the winter for a couple of weeks, and we'd really fight. I'd make up stories that I had to go into work just to leave my own house/apartment. She now says oh we got along so well. Nope. People thought I had pink eye because I had been crying so hard. She came to my house one time, complaining how cold the bedroom was; it's upstairs and it's always hot upstairs. She slept with her coat on, and saying how my house looked like a "honky tonk" (her way of saying a whorehouse). That was her last visit to my home. She also ruined furniture and an appliance, to which she said 'oh well'. She took it upon herself to rearrange things, too. When I told her why she had not been invited back, she said no I never did that, then I was rotten she never thought she'd have a daughter like me. Like every other week we go through this; she's up and sunny, then it's back to I'm rotten, I'm the worst ever. Oh and I bought a two story house (I live in a large metro area, so ranch homes are not plentiful plus more expensive) as part of my evil plot to keep her away. Yeah, I'm just the devil. My brother, the prince, runs errands for her as he lives in the same area. A friend told me after I replayed the last 40 years, she's definitely envious of you, you're independent, she wants to control you, she cannot. Now she did provide support when I was in college, but it was something my dad had said they were going to do - pay for college. My dad inherited securities from his parents; mom basically has lived off that income (in addition to Soc Security). She always distanced herself from his family (his siblings) as she thought she was better I think. She also had issues with her own family (who are all gone). I recognized the theme of me, me, me. Not sure she's NPD, but definitely traits, along with bipolar. You're either on her side or not. And I read in a book where it said someone's face 'clouded over' and boy I got that reference. If she gets mad, her entire facial structure changes; she will also pout when angry and does some passive aggressive moves - like we should know whey she's angry or upset. She called today - to my cell phone, as there were top execs of the company in our office. I was going to say I can't speak now - but I know she'd say well I am your #1 priority - tell them that! I was speechless when she was talking one time about dad dying so young. How bad it'd been for her. Not for us, for her. I then said well what about dad, wasn't it bad for him? Nope. He had it easy. He didn't have to work like I did. I was the one cheated. I almost said how selfish can you possibly be? She has a good 40 years more of life than he did; not my problem she chose to live as a bitter person. I told her that once - that she was taking things out on me (basically I am her whipping post) because she was old, bitter, and life hadn't turned out the way she planned. That went over like a lead weight. I did call a few times after I got off work tonight, to which there was no answer. Typical as she is now pouting. She was going on "why me, why does this happen to me, I always am worrying about the other people, I have helped everyone". Like I said earlier yeah there's help, but help with very strong strings attached. She does have a few friends left, but she presents herself totally different with them, unless she feels they've done her wrong. Then she cuts them off, sometimes with no explanation, just does not return calls. I never know what persona I'm going to encounter when I call or visit. I even suggested that she could maybe go into a senior living place close to where I live. Nope, she's not going into no nursing home! Today she said because I chose to live elsewhere (ok there are no jobs in my hometown) and not to invite her to live with me, then tough I would have to go there more often. That's not happening. I'm seriously thinking it will be several months before I even think of returning. I feel badly, but I do not deserve to be treated badly when I bust my butt doing stuff for her when there; as a friend said today, whatever you do will never be enough - she's got a real grudge with you. If things would improve, I'd think about having her for a very short visit. I was thinking that maybe it'd appease her a bit - and keep it short. I doubt she'd want to live here as she's lived her whole life in one town, and to her that town is the best place ever (around 100k population, nothing special at all). She doesn't do well with change, so again, I think she'd say no way could I live here. I would also try to lay out some guidelines ahead of time. Thanks for letting me vent. It helps a lot. I know you all understand.

Jess... I was thinking also along those lines... And, for all those that commented.

Heart, great blog. I found myself wondering how old her parents were and if her tune would change if they started needing care.

Interesting read...nextavenue

I've thought similar things, JessieBelle. My mom has complained it's not much of a life, and I have to agree. Some people do well as they age, though. My mother-in-law is two months older than my mom, and she is active. She drives. She has a great memory. She's curious about politics and is better informed than just about everyone else I know about it. She tends to her roses. She cooks, reads, socializes with her kids, grandkids, sisters and other in-laws. Then there's my mom, who sits around and complains all day and just goes to the bathroom and eats and occasionally does a word puzzle and smokes. She would have contacts and friends, except whenever she was unhappy (much of her life) her approach was to move or cast people from her life. So now she's nearly 80 with a strained relationship with her daughter and decades' worth of family and friends who she tossed from her life.
I don't know why some people, the light goes out, but sometimes it just can't be much of a life. I hope if I make it to 80 or whatever I can still enjoy movies or books or little things in life, and not turn into a grumpy old vegetable nursing grudges! I don't want to be the person who just eats and pees and poops all day.

It's another day. I think of how the last 10% of my life has been going through the same routine each day. Again today I am worried about that dirty, dirty bedroom of my mother's. She covers it with blankets so the cold air can't blow through the "cracks in the floor." She has old shoes and clothes stuffed about. She won't get rid of them, even though she can't wear them. It's impossible to clean, but I know I really should try. How did it ever come down to this?

My mother's life is really the life of a zombie. There is really no life left in her. She walks back and forth to the bathroom all day. She does cook her own breakfast right now and does a bit of laundry. But that is all. And I know that doctors and my care are the only things keeping her alive. I wonder how it has ever come down to this.

As families and as society we really do need to work to solve the problem of elder care. We can't shorten lives, but we also can't expect people in the future to continue doing what we are doing. Traditionally families have taken care of their elders, but traditionally elders haven't needed extensive care for 10-20 years. Modern medicine has created a huge problem that we're not prepared to handle. When you're in the middle of it, you wonder why in the world you're donating your life to someone so they can walk back and forth to the bathroom all day. And you are really stuck because they might fall. But then you have to wonder, so what if they fall? Goodness, medications and we are the only things propping them up. It just makes no sense at all.

And then they're mean to us?? If someone did for me a small fraction of what we do for our parent, I would never be able to say thank you enough.

Heart2Heart, basket of gold. I looked it up, and it says it's not always ideal in humid climates, so it may not work well in Michigan, but it's pretty. And seems related to Alyssums, which are so pretty and smell so good. I'll have to keep an eye open nonetheless...
JessieBelle: The Thomas poem, I always thought it was about seeing life through to the end, too. I need to go re-read it now, and mull over the details, but I never saw it was being angry about the end, or trying to be bitter at the end.
As for Mother's Day, I was having a panic attack Saturday en route to my mom. I found an old Xanax and took half of it, just in case. Turns out the visit went OK. Did a bit of shopping and took her to a diner she likes, and the sun was out, which seems to influence her moods. A snowy, overcast day, and she acts like a tantrum-prone toddler, but with the sun and it being pleasant out, it reflected her mood. I was grateful that she wasn't angry.
She brought up the power of attorney stuff, and I told her I have nothing to do with it. I get no money, I handle no bills, etc. The attorney is in charge of it all. End of story. She said she was happy to resolve it. (For now, I'm thinking...)
Of course she then called me the next day and said it was a good day and reiterated she was happy to resolve that issue because she didn't want to start up a bunch of lawsuits and have me put in jail. OK. Whatever! I'm sure she'll want to sue again, and I say go for it. It doesn't take a lot to see there are problems with her. She'd be in court for five minutes -- if she could even take anything that far -- and she can't even carry a clear thought or hear what people say, so ... whatever. Let her daydream. Some people fantasize about getting away to Aruba or buying a dream house. She fantasizes about revenge.

I had the same mom as most of you. My mother had narcissistic personality but had two sides. One was what no one else saw behind closed doors with her family and another face she put on elsewhere. In 60 years she never said one kind, nurturing or loving thing to say to me. No recognition of the many achievements I worked hard for. She was also extremely physically abusive until I was 55 and she raised her hand to hit me and I put her up against a wall and told her if she ever did that again first I would rip her arm out of the socket and secondly I would have her arrested for assault. At 30 I moved 1500 miles away to get as far away as I could. I came back to Dallas 25 years later thinking I SHOULD to be here if she needed me in her final years. Huge mistake. Last year she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I took care of her until the day she died and was also taking care of my longtime boyfriend who was severely handicapped from a TBI and had dementia at 56. He had become a nasty, miserable and abusive person because of his illness too. So I was taking care of two ungrateful narcissists each of them hurling venom at me constantly. I'm not sure how I managed to refrain from putting a bullet in my head. Probably only because of the grace of God.
You would think that if someone was on their death bed you might spend sometime with them remembering the past good times (not many of those) or telling each other you loved them or exchange a few kind remarks but not from MY mom. Three days before she passed I brought her cane in (she only used it when she was not at home - and she was never going to use it again) that she had left in my car. I hung it on the doorknob where she usually put it but hung it on the right side of the doorknob instead of the left side like she liked it. She started screaming for me to get my sorry ass over there and hang it the right way. I simply said "Does it really matter?" Then she yelled "I swear to God I will never ask you to do another thing for me for the rest of my life!!!" REALLY!!!! I said "I would take that back if I were you." Of course she refused until I reminder her who had the morphine and dilaudin. When she passed I was so relieved that that source of torment was over for me. But the joke was on me. While cleaning out her house I realized there was not ONE single photograph of me anywhere. Tons of pics of my sister who had not spoken to my mom in over 20 years but no documentation of my life existed. I am trying to put 60 years of hatred behind me but I don't think you ever REALLY recover from being treated with such disregard. I have never been to the cemetery where both of my parents now reside and I will never go. Why put myself through that? To dredge up memories of an unloving and abusive mom and a father who never stood up for or defended his children. No thanks. I'm gonna let sleeping dogs . . .
No matter how much you try you can't change them and trying to figure out where things went wrong is just wasted energy. Don't expect something miraculous will happen at the end of their lives. It won't. Having said that I bought a big bottle of white wine to break open and drink on Mothers Day. I'm the mother to a two year old rescued Great Dane/ Sherperd who loves me unconditionally. For now that's good enough reason to celebrate!!!!!! God bless all you survivors out there. You are in good company on this site.

I wish that this was posted years ago. I am still dealing with the repercussions from caring for my mom. I do not feel any guilt about her but I do with my own family.

This headline fits my situation and my Mom to a tee. She has lots of milk but very little honey. A hard worker, who doesn't complain about that, but constantly berates my dad, even before he unfortunately got dementia, and criticizes us kids ( except our only brother) even when we cook or clean or otherwise try to help her and Dad. He now has dementia and she has arthritis which is painful when overworked particularly in her legs.It took some time for Mom to accept our help with the work and interacting with Dad. We suggested home care for Dad's care, cooking, cleaning to supplement our help. but she refused. Now she's recovering from bypass surgery. We've willingly been with her and Dad 24/7 thru surgery and recovering at home. Mom is now moving aruond well, and is astounded that she has very little arthritic pai neven tho she does state it's because she isn't working right now.Now that we're thru the main crisis we can leave themalone together for a few hours and need to plan for us kids getting back to our own families and lives. However, we are back to square one. We still want to be there to help take care of them, drive to appts. help with finances etc. as before the surgery but if now is not the time to bring in some hired help, I don't know when it will be. Continues with same refusal. Anhy suggestions?

I'm soooooo glad you got out today Jess... And, glad your mother is in a better mood. Yes, I understand about walking on eggshells... Don't you just love the high high's and low low's we go through?... I don't think that does our heart and soul any good...