My mam is 91yrs she is at present in hospital. Ten weeks ago she was a very active lady who enjoyed life. She had to go into hospital as she was not eating properly for a couple of days and gal stones was diagnosed. During the first 6 days in hospital she was given antibotics and was given bed rest so consequently after that her legs became very swollen and water started to come out of her feet. Her legs became looking like elephant legs. Mam felt like she could not walk because of the weight of the legs. Gradually she managed to walk a little and then discharged from hospital to a rehabilitation unit but then she developed great pain in her back. so she had to go back to hospital where she spent several weeks in bed trying to get her pain management . Gradually mam has just given up she says she wans to die as she will never walk again. She has become very depressed and has twice self harmed herself due to the pain and the feeling of being a burdon on everyone. She feels that she will have to spend the rest of her life lying in bed all day and does not want to do this. Mam just wants to go to sleep and not wake up. The hospital have tried to put her on various medications to lift her mood but so far this has not been a success. She is now refusing her medication, meals and water. She says her quality of life has gone and what she is saying is possibly true. At 91yrs she feels like she has had a great life and just wants to die now. It awful just watching and seeing her.. We try to talk to her but its really sad for everyone to see your mam go from being happy to really sad. The doctors say that her vital signs are very good and its the depression which is causing her to refuse medical and any physio. Hospital side wards are not good for some patients as she is very isolated(she is in a side ward as she also caught MRSA) she spends most of the time just looking at the blank wall in front of her. We got the tv in the room for her you pay 17.50 for three days but its worth it just to take her mind off her condition and the blankness of the room. We are hoping that soon that mams mental condition may be enlightened by ant depressants but I think mam just wants to die. Will she ever walk again-- we dont know as she is so frail now and has not walked for over 4 weeks now. Its just like a slow death of watching her fade away due to her depression and the inability to get up and become more mobile.

Please tell me how many in nursing homes commit suicide - because the PHQ-9 that they are required by law to give now uses YOUR info to support giving it.

When my grandmother became anorexic, her friends and even her doctor told me that it was normal--a normal progression of dying of natural causes. But she wasn't just eating less--she was eating nothing. I knew it was because she was trying to die a passive death, as some have called it. I knew it because she was so depressed, had no interest in living any more, no interest in the things she loved and loved to do, and saw this as the way out. I knew what it was and why she was doing it. I knew she wanted to die. She was always telling me that. But she told no one else these things so I could find no support, and she died.

So what does one do when her loved is clearly depressed but refuses any kind of treatment?