Carol, when you’re in the throes of caregiving from both sides and the number who needed help, it becomes part of your routine. Besides you were exhausted from worry and lack of sleep so going through the motions waiting for the next event to occur. So staying even when your sister visited was just part of that routine. Although my sis-in-love insisted on my getting a break when she visited once a month. You know, I didn’t want to because she didn’t have to deal with her mom after her visits. My SIL didn’t think following her mom’s routine was fun so tried to do other things. More work for me so maybe that’s why you didn’t leave? Thank you for sharing your experience with those of us who are/were carers. You’re incredible.

Problem our family had was one parent, age 90, with severe cardiac and renal failure, constantly falling and urine/bowel incontinent with wound care needed and numerous medications taken 4 times daily. He was a big guy that I, the eldest daughter at age 70, could not lift to get him on the commode, change diapers, empty the commode, rinse, repeat. Someone needed to be there 24/7 just to take care of him.
And then there was mom, who has dementia and no memory capabilities. She could not help out at all, was prone to falling herself and needed constant supervision as well. So my brother and I took turns, he left his wife at home and stayed overnight. I took the days while brother went to work, running their business that provided money for the parents. This didn't last more than 3-4 months and neither of us could continue.
We moved them into assisted living with dad receiving "hospice at home" services. He died after about 5 months. Mom had to be moved into memory care immediately since she could not be left on her own. I can't imagine what I'd do if I had young kids or a job on top of this. The paid job would be impossible. So what do people do if they need money from a paid job on which to live? How do they manage health insurance without a job?

As a caregiver of my parents, brother on disability, and one child in college and one child and a grandchild living with me, my mother declared I was a Club Sandwich. And I was working full time in addition to the caregiving. I definitely have PCSD. Post Caregiver Stress Disorder, or Post Club Sandwich Disorder. And my brother on disability has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer so I will likely be doing a new round of more intense caregiving of him and he lives on the opposite side of the state from me.

The Sandwich Generation will likely have to work to a much later age than their parents did and will have less retirement security. There won't be much retirement for the Sandwich Generation, for a variety of reasons. Good Luck to all.

It's incredibly challenging balancing kids and parents. Each needs so much time, love, and energy, there is often nothing left for ourselves. The best advice I can give for others like me is to reach out for help. Thankfully my husband found an excellent agency that uses ClearCare homecare solutions. It's an easy to use software system that lets me keep an eye on my mom's daily care. She can remain in her own home, and I can log into ClearCare's website anytime to make sure she's been given her meals and medication on time. What a lifesaver this has been.