I am the youngest of 10 children. I lost a sister and my father a few years later. I was living in another state and had to get back to my job. I did go through strange emotional changes, get depressed, then feel alright again. I finally thought I had over come my grief because it has been a decades ago. Well, my mother remarried and my step father got terminal cancer. I came back home and have been there ever since 2005. My mother was having a very hard time dealing with my step father`s death, so I quit my job and came back home to be with her. She worked until 2007 and retired. Then came the diagnosis. My mother was in the early stages of alzheimers. As the years passed, it progressed and I became her constant caregiver. She kept falling and breaking her hip and femur bones. They operated and she could still walk with a walker. This was the way it was for several years, then she fell again and the doctor informed us they could not operate because of her advanced age, so off to the nursing home. I and my siblings who traveled from both coasts visited her daily. I knew the truth but didn`t want to admit she would never come home again. At least I could visit her. Well, she went into the nursing home in August and died in October 2017. I`m literally grief stricken and it`s actually painful. My stomach feels like I swallowed rocks. Not only this, but I had to put my beloved dog down on October 1st, then mom dies the 19th. Now I`m grief stricken and alone in the house. I don`t know how to proceed. I rarely leave the house. I know God works in mysterious ways but this was a double whammy ! I`m crying all the time and look 100 years old. Grief is something you have to work through but I feel stuck, depressed and alone. You know alot of people say the funeral and wake are the easy part. How true ! It`s because you are surrounded by loved ones and supporting one another. A week after the funeral and everyone is gone, that is when it hits. I loved my mother and dog more than anything. My whole life has changed in a matter of weeks. I sob uncontrollably. I`m nobody`s little boy anymore. I have well meaning friends but I don`t want to see anyone. I don`t even want to shower. I know this isn`t healthy but I don`t feel I have any options. I actually feel sick but the world still goes on.
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Bringing this back to the top for those grieving the loss of a loved one. Recommend "15 Things I Wish I'd Known About Grief" by TerynObrien.
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This is a helpful place. I doubt my problem can be easily solved, if ever. I cared for my husband through a year of terminal cancer. We had been running a very successful business. He had to be my priority. The business ceased. I became his full time everything, nurse, mother etc. After he died, I had to sort out the mess. We owned several homes, they were all in mortgage default and had to go. At the end, I was left with my furniture. That's it. I believe I have never physically recovered. Ten years have passed. Many health problems including a heart attack. I now have a modest home with no mortgage which is great. My issue now is, my energy has never returned. I am susceptible to whatever illness is going around. Still not able to fully function due to lack of energy. I am taking special care of myself now. I want to see improvement. I have tried pushing myself to do things. It just causes extreme fatigue. I don't expect anyone to have the answer. I am 65 now.
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peace of mind and reality
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its quite true,yes these are somebody""s shoes but we can imagine the effects from simple visualisation...
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The city I live in has bereavement classes at the local mortuary. You may want to check around for something like that with the mortuaries or churches. Good luck to you!!!
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We are living in Central Florida, Lake Co. My husband is bringing mom to live with us, but she needs a retreat type place to help her with her grief at the loss of her husband last June. Can anyone recommend a retreat/recovery place that can help her with this grief?
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My love,of 37 years,[March/2/2011,was our anniversary].Died,4/10/2011.I was by his side,telling him my love for him ,reassuring him,that he was so much loved by our 5,children.he had,that horrible disease.Parkinson.I was lucky enough,to be at his side to catch his last breath.Ineed him so very much.He was not only my love,but friend,lover and so much more.To had being his caregiver for these past years,was an honor.I have a great family,of course they tell me time will have to pass,so for now all ,I want is to be alone,dont get me wrong,but i want to cry,shout,it feels so ,YOU ALL UNDERSTAND.MyMOM passed less then 4 months ago,iwas her caregiver also.MOMhad dimentia.THANKS,FOR PUTTING WITH ME.Sorry,for all your losses.GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
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Hi everyone!!! I haven't been on for a very long time. Even after a year and a half, I too, am still having difficulties dealing with guilt. I know that I did my very best, but even still, I feel that things were unfinished with my Dad.
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I just recently joined this site, due to being my Mother's caregiver. Last May my Dad passed away at the age of 83. My Mom was sick with ALzheimers and lung issues. At one point they were both sick but in different hospitals.When my dad passed away, I had to take care of mom and never really got to grieve for my Dad. On March 18th, my Mom went very peacefully to heaven and I feel as if I lost them both at the same time. I kept mom in her home right till the end. I kissed her goodnight and told her I loved her and she said"Love you too." She passed in her sleep before morning. I am feeling so guilty for the mean things I said to mom when I was so nervous and frustrated. I try to tell myself I did the best I could for her but I am having a hard time dealing with it.
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I lost my mother on December 28, 2007. My sister and I were both at her bedside when she peacefully crossed over. She had Alzheimer's so we "lost" her long before we lost her physical presence. I feel blessed to have been able to spend those last hours with her ... caressing her ... telling her how much I loved her ... telling her what a great mom she had been to me. She laid in her bed, with her glazed eyes focused upward, and "talked" to all her long, lost relatives that had gone on before her. Our Hospice nurse was wonderful, too. And the follow up we received from Hospice was great as well.
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roxie , i remmy 21 yrs ago when i lost my mother , i was seeing my mom everywhere i went .
i pulled up in a drive thru bank and sat there waiting for my turn , i saw a older woman walking and when she turned her head to look at me , she looks so much like my mom !!!! i started to get teary eyes , i know my moms dead cuz i watch her die in front of my eyes , and theres this woman looking alot like my mom , i got so teary eyes and it was my turn to go up to the window , i handed this clerk my deposit slip and looked inside the window i saw a guy lookin straight at me , he told me to smile ! then i smiled for him , thinking damn he knew i was feeling sad , i must looks like sh!t . then i realized that it was a messages from mom . she wanted me to smile cuz shes in a heavenly better place to be !
that kinda of perked me up ,
im still down in the dump tho , i do miss my mom and always will . 21 yrs passin by , i miss my mom . life does goes on ....
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This article is what I was looking for....Thank You....
I lost my mother July2 of this year....We had a wonderful relationship because I think "it was just us" no father, no siblings.....We leaned on each other and was always there for each other..."I hope I was"
I also got to be there for her last breathe with my husband, and my 3 adult children....They say it is a priviledge...I do agree.....I got to see that she went peacefully.....she was in my home for four years....so now the process of grieving i do not like at all....I miss her so much....we use to talk when she was able about two years ago she starting losing her memory....she did not know me the last year....Everything in the world around me reminds me of her....I see imagines in my brain of her....
They say the first year is the hardest....and its only been 6 weeks....Some of my days are good...no tears when thinking of her and that is most of the time...other days it starts as soon as i get up.....its hard to close my eyes at night all i see is her.....
This has been a very bad week......
Thanks for letting me vent....
I will keep you all in my prayers....
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He is fine I truly believe that. no more suffering and I know he would want you to be happy. We each have a personal journey and sometimes as mothers we forget that our children aren't ours they still belong to God . God Bless you and keep you in his hands continue your faith and believe what the Lords says it was not written just for people in those days it was written for us to. "HUG" neon
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Dear smlync, God bless you. How beautiful that you were able to be with your son for his last breath. I am sure that he is okay. Just ask him for a sign, and you shall receive one. I was chosen by my Dad to be the one to hear the very last beat of his heart. I asked him for a sign to let me know that he is happy, that I needed to know this. I did this while alone, of course. And at that very moment that I asked, I saw a shooting star. I know this was him telling me that he is happy where he is, and that I need not worry about him. Good luck to you. The pain of losing someone dear I have found, never goes away, we just learn to deal with it in time.
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i lost my son to colon cancer one year ago i to got the privege to hold his hand to his last breath. i get by with the help of my faith but i am not as tough as everyone thinks sometimes the pain i have in my heart seems it will never go away i miss him more than ever just wish i knew he was okay?
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You sweetie pie! Happy Birthday to you! You enjoy your day, and take care, and don't sweat the small stuff. :)
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Thank you kind sister
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Dear Neon, happy birthday to you! May God bless you!
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well naus like I tell my son the needs have to come before the wants you take care i am enjoying my birthday haven't been at but 20 min and already so many thoughtful gifts nd wished I am truly blessed. Have a good day and geturdun
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Thank you Neon, you are so thoughtful. I hope all is going well with you, and Mom. I know you have so much to deal with too, and all of the other lovely caregivers on this site. Even though I have been away much of the time, you are all still in my heart and prayers, and I think of you all often. I have just been busy, taking care of business and family, so many "have to do's" and not enough "want to do's". Love and hugs to you all. :)
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Hi Austin and Naus. so good to see you both post. Austin you are doing just what you are supposed to be doing. For years after I lost my son I thought I had to do well for others and it took me a long time to start dealing with my feelings my how I have grown, its 27 years and I still cry and do a lot of what ifs but I think that is the nature of our grief, I do know he is in a better place and just happened to acheive getting to that higher relm before the rest of us. God Bless you.

Naus. You are so sweet, I feel the same about my Dad he passed almost 3 years ago but I am so thankful it was my hand he was holding and my tears he felt and my eyes he looked into when he took his last breathe. I still cry about him and girls you do know you can cry without shedding tears, its the love in your heart and the hole that is there when they leave . But it will be okay I know both my son and my Dad would still want me to be happy.

And... I am still taking care of mother and that is quite another story.

Take care and have a blessed day!
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This article is beautiful!! Thank you, this was helpful to me. Having lost my Dad just less than three months ago, this article brought tears to my eyes. I feel more normal now, feeling exactly what Linda Drake has written about. Even though losing my Dad was traumatic and horribly sad for me, I feel priviledged to have been the one chosen by him, to be by his side, and to be the one to hear the very last beat of his heart. And just recently have opened myself up, and received a spiritual sign that he has crossed over, and is happy. Even so, I cry still everyday, because I miss him so very much.
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Austin, good to hear you are doing what you need to take care of you. Hope your stress level has changed, from dealing with the caregiving, to taking care of yourself. Lots to do, but now you can do it all for you. That has to be an adjustment for you, no doubt. Hope the details get easier for you as you become accustomed to everything, solo. We can't please everyone, and not everyone will understand. Glad to hear you have a good support system in place. Take care!
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I think everyone grives differently- I lost my husband almost 4 months ago and most people think I am doing well because when they ask me how I am doing I say ok but am overwhelmed with all the details of dealing with the paperwork that comes up but it is important for me to be independent-and I do have a strong church family and also being his caregiver for so many years was very hard but I am sure others think I should be more upset but I am dealing with it as I need to and do not become concerned how others think I should feel or act.
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