By Sarah Jane
Mum has a fantastic relationship with her teenage grandson, who lives a ten-minute walk from her rest home. Just like with other families, dementia has complicated their visits a bit, but he manages quite well.
I’ve been meaning to interview him for ages. Below is his take on dementia—what it is and what works when it comes to interacting with his Nanny.
Dementia Is More than Memory Loss
I remember the last holiday we celebrated at Nanny and Granddad’s house before they moved into rest homes. Nanny wouldn't get out of bed for Christmas dinner. It wasn't so much a memory issue as a behavioral change. It was quite disturbing, because she wasn't usually like that.
Learn and Adapt As You Go
I’ve learned to avoid asking questions that Nanny won’t know the answer to. I’ve gotten good at shifting the conversation quickly to distract her from tricky things or topics that upset her. Even if you say something wrong, it’s okay. Just learn from it and try to redirect them. They will likely forget the incident in a short time.
Little Things Can Help
It really helps if I use Nanny’s own phrases to describe things and help her with recalling information. For instance, if I say the name of the café we go to all the time, she doesn't remember it. But if I refer to it as “the one with the steps to the courtyard outside,” she remembers straight away. Try to find small things like this that can simplify and improve communication.
Keep it Light
It’s good to make Nanny feel like she’s not forgetting too much, or if she does forget something, that it's okay. When she can’t remember an event or detail, I act like anyone could forget such a thing and assure her it's not a big deal. Sometimes you have to play down pretty major things.
Lots of Love
I still like spending time with Nanny. We were very close when I was little. I get lots of hugs from her, and she’s very adoring. It’s absurd, but it's also kind of nice. Sometimes I even make things up to amuse the both of us. Is that bad?