There is legally stopping him and literally stopping him,
Legally, you report him to the DMV. Depending on your state you can do this online. When you provide proof (dates of accidents, reasons, etc) they will send out a letter telling him to come in for a test (this also varies by state). You need to intercept the letter so he never sees it, and allow his license to expire.
Literally, as others have suggested (and hoping either you or someone else is his PoA):
- relocate the cars to a secret place, also hiding the keys. - hiding or cancelling credit and debit cards, checkbooks, etc. - preventing any online access (changing the password, cancelling any new account he opens)
I realize this seems daunting but there is no other way. It will be hard at first and then things will improve. My Uncle killed his own wife in a crash he caused because no one stopped him. Others on this forum have similar stories. You are in the best position to stop him. He will get mad, and you must ignore it and do whatever it takes.
If he gets verbally abusive or physically threatening then don't hesitate to call 911 and report this to the police. This may keep him in check or else they may remove him from your home, depending on how he reacts.
There are no magic wand for this situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Have as many family, friends and neighbors in on this as possible. Make sure they know to never lend their vehicles to him. Ask them to provide rides for his appointments and errands so he doesn't feel stranded. If he manages to get a car and you know he's on the road, call it in to 911 every time.
I've had to end driving privileges for 3 seniors and this year probably going on the 4th. It's never been easy. I wish you success.
Your husband has to be placed, against his will, in either a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or Skilled Nursing care. Do you have POA?
If not, file for guardianship with the court.
See his doctor about medications to calm him down.
Call 911 if he's out of control and have him taken to the ER for a psych hold where they WILL medicate him.
In the meantime, disable the car. Slash the tires. Enterprise WILL rent him a car w/o insurance....they'll just sell him THEIR insurance.
Call the local car rental agencies and tell them your husband's name and that he has dementia and will be coming by to rent a car. DO NOT RENT HIM A CAR.
Cancel all the credit cards and debit cards and have ONE new card of each type reissued in your name ONLY.
Hide the checkbook(s).
Call around until you find an elder care attorney thst DOES handle guardianship and divorce, if that's what you want. But your husband must be placed in managed care of some kind safely before you can leave him otherwise. Speak to the attorney about that too.
If there are 2 cars in the household you take his in to "be repaired" and it never comes back. Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys. You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start. You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car. Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car. This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia. The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
What are you waiting for? For him to kill someone before you take the necessary action? Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later. Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
If he is renting a car so as to get around you keeping your car out of reach, then I suppose the next step is to make renting impossible. He cannot have access to credit cards, and it might be best to take his license and smartphone. (He should carry another form of identification of course). Without a license or using the app, I don’t think a rental agency would rent him a car. I’m not experienced in this, but it seems to me you need to remove the tools that make this possible. I’m really sorry, this must be so difficult.
Cancel the credit cards he’s using. He has to have a credit card to use Uber; I’ve never heard of Uber taking cash. If he has a key fob for the car, open it and remove the battery. He probably won’t figure out what’s wrong with it. He should never be left unsupervised now. If there’s no one to watch and stop him from doing all dangerous things, you MUST place him in memory care. This isn’t only a driving problem. It’s also a problem of what he’ll do next, since he’s lost good judgment and thinking skills.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
I had the same issue with my father On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it good luck
Yes, this is an important step although many people will STILL drive regardless of having a license or not. With dementia, they can do anything and do not have the cognitive abilities to ... know what is going on.
Are you his POA? It is time to go to the DMV and make a report. In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that. You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then. Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets. If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others. I am so very sorry.
I made sure my car was parked behind his so he couldn't back out. When my hubby who had Alz grabbed some hidden keys I didn't know about, He couldn't move it because I was parked behind him He ranted and raved. I did not move my car for three days, I even had to cancel a doctor's appointment. Finally he gave me the set of keys. He did not have keys to my car and never drove it. In a lucid moment, he wanted to give his truck to the grandson. I had that truck gone in less than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
There are many many posts on this forum asking the same question. You can search those and read the responses. A very common problem but very urgent he is stopped from having access. You won't be able to get him to agree to stop so you must take other actions.
Legally, you report him to the DMV. Depending on your state you can do this online. When you provide proof (dates of accidents, reasons, etc) they will send out a letter telling him to come in for a test (this also varies by state). You need to intercept the letter so he never sees it, and allow his license to expire.
Literally, as others have suggested (and hoping either you or someone else is his PoA):
- relocate the cars to a secret place, also hiding the keys.
- hiding or cancelling credit and debit cards, checkbooks, etc.
- preventing any online access (changing the password, cancelling any new account he opens)
I realize this seems daunting but there is no other way. It will be hard at first and then things will improve. My Uncle killed his own wife in a crash he caused because no one stopped him. Others on this forum have similar stories. You are in the best position to stop him. He will get mad, and you must ignore it and do whatever it takes.
If he gets verbally abusive or physically threatening then don't hesitate to call 911 and report this to the police. This may keep him in check or else they may remove him from your home, depending on how he reacts.
There are no magic wand for this situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Have as many family, friends and neighbors in on this as possible. Make sure they know to never lend their vehicles to him. Ask them to provide rides for his appointments and errands so he doesn't feel stranded. If he manages to get a car and you know he's on the road, call it in to 911 every time.
I've had to end driving privileges for 3 seniors and this year probably going on the 4th. It's never been easy. I wish you success.
If not, file for guardianship with the court.
See his doctor about medications to calm him down.
Call 911 if he's out of control and have him taken to the ER for a psych hold where they WILL medicate him.
In the meantime, disable the car. Slash the tires. Enterprise WILL rent him a car w/o insurance....they'll just sell him THEIR insurance.
Call the local car rental agencies and tell them your husband's name and that he has dementia and will be coming by to rent a car. DO NOT RENT HIM A CAR.
Cancel all the credit cards and debit cards and have ONE new card of each type reissued in your name ONLY.
Hide the checkbook(s).
Call around until you find an elder care attorney thst DOES handle guardianship and divorce, if that's what you want. But your husband must be placed in managed care of some kind safely before you can leave him otherwise. Speak to the attorney about that too.
Good luck to you.
Your car you keep secure so that he does not have access to the keys.
You can have a mechanic put a switch on it so that even if he gets the keys the car will not start.
You could also get one of the "Club" locks and put that on the car.
Lock your car, keep the keys with you so that he can not even get into the car. I still wear my keys on a clip that is clipped to my belt loop. I did that so my husband could not take the car.
This is a non negotiable if something were to happen where he damaged property, hurt or killed someone you would be ruined financially especially if there is medical documentation that he has dementia.
The doctor can also inform the Secretary of State (Drivers License Department) that his drivers license should be revoked.
Talk to his doctor about medication for the anger
Someone driving with any of the dementias is no different than someone driving drunk, and they must be stopped sooner than later.
Are you aware that if your husband were to either kill some innocent person or severely injure them and the police were made aware that he has dementia that you and he could be sued for everything you have? And would you be able to live with yourself knowing that you should have stopped him from driving but now he's killed someone? If that isn't enough to scare you into doing something to disable his car of take away his keys, I can't imagine anything will.
Things I’ve seen while taking care of family who had dementia: Eating leaves found on the ground. Emptying the whole pill minder for the week on the place mat and starting to eat all of the pills. Trying to walk out the door at 2 a.m. Waking up in the middle of the night and peeing in inappropriate places.
I know it’s hard to imagine the extent of the damage they can do. I’m sorry you are going through this, but you have to take major steps. Placement would be my choice.
On our next doctor visit I slipped his doctor a note saying
My fathers driving is extremely dangerous, please take his licence away and blame it on his disease
The doctor was very professional keeping me, his caregiver completely out of it
good luck
It is time to go to the DMV and make a report.
In most states he will be called in to do a test. That will be that.
You will need to disable the car or have it safely removed (preferred) until then.
Not only may he be hurt, but he is menace on the streets.
If you cannot accomplish this it may be time for placement in mc for his own protection and for the safety of others.
I am so very sorry.
than 2 hours. My heart aches for you. I wish I had an answer.
There are many many posts on this forum asking the same question. You can search those and read the responses. A very common problem but very urgent he is stopped from having access. You won't be able to get him to agree to stop so you must take other actions.