I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
So sorry to hear that .
You are very good about taking care of yourself , you go to the doctors regularly .
This could be just a temporary hiccup.
Sometimes your body decides it needs different blood pressure meds , or a different dose .
And change of season , hot out , dehydration , increase in activity can change things.
My Dad had that happen , BP low , sweating low potassium in the summers, and I realized he had to back off a bit on his diuretic in the summer times . That’s the pill that makes you pee and can make your potassium low .
Try not to jump to conclusions.
Keep us posted .
((((Hugs)))
Tired. Not much sleep, taking BP frequently, low potassium, low heart rate, BP dropping, etc. heart monitor on. EKG, just loads of tests. No eating or drinking, on IV drip.
They don’t know what exactly is going on. Yesterday when I was fixing my lunch, I got dizzy.
DH was working at home. He said that I was leaning on counter, too weak to stand up so he helped me lie on the kitchen floor. Started sweating badly. Couldn’t move for a while.
DH called my doctor and she told him that I needed to get to the ER for evaluation.
Thinking so much about my brother that I lost not long ago from heart disease. He was 72. I am 68.
I want to go home.
If we don't vent, we will blow and that is not healthy for us or our loved ones. So find anything, not drugs, alcohol or food, they just cause more pressure on ourselves, and release that pressure and take care of yourselves starting today!
He is 12 yrs younger than me. I pretty much raised him. Then when I left at 21, I remember thinking how can I leave him with my dad, and was worried. My dad was very angry, but new better around me. When I had kids mom would often ask me if one of them could spend the night, I new that was code for dads getting grumpy, and he would always keep his cool around my kids. I told him early on , he will never see them if his anger came out around my children.
I always felt guilt for leaving my brother, then when dad passed I heard a lot of horror stories, late night emergency room visits, for "falling"
Even though I know I was just a young adult, I think my one and only regret is leaving, that sweet little boy , that I practically raised. In the hands of someone that could turn into a monster
That guilt I didn't realize I even had is what keeps me in this mess. I'll work on it! Thanks 🙏 👍
Breaking stuff sounds a lot more fun.
I agree .
The alliteration “ Rage Room “ makes it catchy .
But it’s a controlled smash room .
The thought of those hatchet throwing places to me is scary . You throw hatchets at a target on a wall I think , like playing darts . There is one by me that is BYOB. That’s a bad combination , booze and hatchets.
Controlled anger can be therapeutic
I did it a few times after particularly bad days with my mother.
You smash it you throw it away . It put closure on the day .
I would like to try the smash room for fun .
And I should really clarify my last post . I don’t think I ever approached the emotion of “ Rage “ . It was more anger , sadness , grief and stress, depression .
Rage is more violent , loss of control .
I was very in control when I decided to take an item to the garage to smash a few times . I had read it can be calming .
So try not to beat yourself up over this. We all know what that kind of stress does to are health.
Also I'm with you there on wanting to just let things go. I'm tired of anger, I don't want to be mad or annoyed or angry anymore. I'm learning that art, but it takes practice. I've let go to a high school friend, that likes to remind me of my dyslexia. I let go of a friend that is way to negative and butts into my life. Ive been learning to let go of my anger towards people in my family. I'm learning that skill but I'm a work in progress.
Ana, it's probably a healthy way to vent are anger.
Hubby and I play hockey. It burns off stress. And some cookies.
Your dad sounds like an amazing man. Many people are not so lucky.
You were lucky to have parents like that .
Instead of dealing with a narcissist ( diagnosed by the way ) mother who chose you to be her slave caregiver from a young age .
My rage during caregiving was mostly over my own failure to realize sooner that I should have broken free from Mom’s grip much earlier in my life . By the time I realized , it was too late. Mom was an old widow with dementia .
I don’t have rage for others either .
Caregiver rage can be rage because of the stress , grief , exhaustion , etc of the situation . It does not have to be directed at a specific person .
Finding outlets for stress , anger , rage , prevents people from taking it out on others .
I think I never had a whole lot of anger in me. I have known many times when I could not understand, when I was curious, when I wished I had answers or understanding, but I cannot remember a lot about anger. Not ever. And I guess that means I lived a really lucky life, then. I remember when my second marriage failed, a man I was so in love with, and someone asked my Dad why I wasn't angry. And he said "The kid doesn't love many people, but once she loves them she isn't able to stop that".
Loved that man, who, even when I was in my 50s, called me "the kid". He was such a QUIET man, gentle, and so into "observing". Fascinated with others, but not "partaking" and mostly observing.
I think if there is such a thing, he was a very OLD SOUL. Very advanced. Very without judgement of others. Always said "most people are just trying to take care of themselves and those they love". Would excuse wrong-doing (to my mind) way too often with that.
Rage? There is so much I cannot understand. But rage? I can't understand that either. I guess --were I attacked-- were one I LOVED attacked, THEN I could understand blind rage to hit back. Automatically.
It is a fascinating question.
I don't really need to beat anything.
I just long to understand.
Id love to go
Sounds like a blast actually
I highly recommend taking something you no longer want and taking it out to the garage or outside and smashing it .
Put it in a trash bag first .
I recognized it right away !
I am/was ( depending on the day )
one of those that feels responsible for EVERYTHING .
That’s how I ended up caregiving !!
Try not to think of the worst case scenario.
She said--this psychologist "You can take all the people in the entire world and divide them up into two lines.
One line thinks they are responsible FOR EVERYTHING
and the other line thinks they are responsible for NOTHING. I am going to figure which line you go into, but will tell you that the line with those who think they are responsible for EVERYTHING???
THEY are the easiest ones to treat".
I never forgot her. She shook me up and she shook up my world. She taught me so much and helped me to heal.
OK, so I don't KNOW who knocked who over here.
But the doc and I aren't going dancing any time soon.
And I do hope to hear he's OK. For all I know he could have stoked out right there before the bouquets.
LORDY!!!!!!
N. says they are probably consulting their attorney and the cops will be at the door soon. He is trying to keep the mood light; I will continue to garden and hope I will hear. Otherwise this is something I have to let go of without knowing. I should have taken the number myself. Like I said, it was an overall mess.
If the doc says he tripped maybe that’s the reason you bumped shoulders .
Don’t look to fabricate self blame .
Take his statement that he tripped at face value .
They really do sound like people that would most definitely get back to you. I'm sure they know how concerned you are. I think your partner may be right.
My DD said to me "Mom, did you ever think he could have bumped into YOU" and honestly I never did, but he could have. I guess the many cameras would tell if they could tell ANYTHING in those crowds; I doubt they could. He said to the guard "I tripped and fell" and I said "I think I felt out shoulders bump and I saw him go down. I honestly don't know.
Worrisome to me is that the exceptionally KIND KIND daughter who took my number promised to send me a text today telling me he is OK and it is 1 pm and I don't have it. I know she would not forget about this. And that means me think he could be hospitalized, could be hurt. I think if I don't hear ANYTHING by tonight I will have to think that my partner N. is correct that in all the hullabaloo she wrote down the number wrong. She did the first time and then went to put it in again.
I would feel so reassured to think he is OK, because honestly it is about all I can think about regarding this visit. I have pictures I haven't even downloaded to my Facebook and have instead just downloaded some pictures others took.
Alas.
I will let you all know if I hear anything. The truth is it is no place for old folks like us, but the other truth is that with the flower exhibit most of us who GO are OLD.