tctwall

Tct, I am so very sorry you lost your mother. It hurts a LOT, doesn't it? Your mother was up in years and you were faithful to her for a long time. Just like you, I loved my mother sooo much and I miss her just as much. You made the right decision to place your mother in assisted living , and the fact that she broke her hip two weeks after being placed there confirms it. You needn't feel any guilt, Tct, only peace in your heart for having taken such good care of her and doing right by her. She is thanking you from Heaven now. You know how I said in my post that my mother was angry at me for "trying to run her life"? Well, as she was dying she thanked me in front of her brother for having gotten her and Dad to move into assisted living. I couldn't believe my ears, but she was actually praising me and thanking me, because at that point, as she was dying, she could see that all along I'd had her best interests in mind. She also was giving her younger brother the tip-off that his time would be coming soon, and that moving into a senior community is a good decision and places less of a burden on the adult children. She was passing along this wisdom to him. So again, you were wonderful to your mother. I hope you start to experience healing in your heart. I have found that it does get better in time.

hey there, thanks!

how did we get to the 'you got to go to a place, Mom!' spot?

It is pure survival to get rid of the guilt. I have worked hard to locate a good spot for her, including moving back to Los Angeles from NJ. different mindset out here and the facilities are way cool.
Right now, we're getting ready for a 'lunch date' at the facility I have picked out for her. I told her, what if I drop dead?? You'll be at the mercy of the state!! It's a free lunch, we're out of the house! whaddya nuts?!? thankfully she gets to laughing. It wasn't always like that, believe me.
while writing this message, I have bathed her and done her hair. she's kickin it in my old robe finishing her oj and watching CNN.
I told her that the easier she is to take care of the cheaper it will be!
she also knows that I have to get on with the business of my life and hers, too. I have located a facility that will do respite care or long term, whatever it turns out to be. They get it.
I have worked towards this time for awhile, knowing that Mom had to be cool with the whole thing. She knows that I wouldn't just leave her somewhere. we have worked on the trust issues for a long time. I use the phrase: you're safe and sound a LOT. Whenever I see that 'look' that only says fear. You're safe and sound. that's the only thing that you have to know, you're safe and sound. Want some pizza?

I have worked my ass off taking care of my mom and her interests for over 5 years. Now this is fair to move her to a place where they can deal with the mounting toilet issues and associated stuff I am absolutely over.
this doesn't mean that we can't have a sleep over and I won't show up for dinner because you know I will. the place is 5 minutes from my place and if they'd take me I'd move in there too!

I don't know what state you're in and what the places are like but having researched assisted living/nursing homes in NJ and now in LA, let me tell you, what a difference.
these places are gorgeous and the staff are all devoted to the job as opposed to 'this was all I could get'.

guilt: the gift that keeps on giving!


stay in touch! this is so helpful to me and I thank you. I hope it is working for you too!

ok: off to the free lunch,

Bobbie