lhardebeck

Hey babygirl! I just wanted to check in and let you know I was thinking about you. I hope your holidays were quiet? lol I dont know what would have been the best thing......I am glad you have your daughter...I dont know what I would have done without mine. I am hanging in there, get teary every once in awhile. Missin mom and going thru the crazy stuff she left me to go thru......I swear she had every check stub and every paper for the last 40 years .....I have been watching that TV show "hoarders" and am determined to NOT leave my kids a mess like that! Did you get down to see your sister? Hope you are being good to yourself...take care and keep in touch! much love, mary

Just thinking of you and sending you a hug.

Hello everyone. Its been a while. Honestly I thought I posted this update but NOW i am begining to forget things.
Momz has been back to the home about 1 week and a day.
After experiencing horriffic hallucinations last Wednesday ( I thought I had posted it) she has had none since. I think it was due to the stress. She went back with no struggle...she wanted to get "treatment"..then out of o where she thought I was locked outside in bad weather ...and caused such a deal, the nurse called me at 12 am to talk to her and assure her I was ok...later that night/morning she saw a man trying to enter her room with a shotgun...but a guardian angel guarded her door the rest of that night and protected her( I PRAYED SOOOOOOOOO MUCH DURING THAT HOUR!)
But the next morning she saw maggots ( gross) all in her tv and her things...told the nurse...and was frantic. They even saw that she tried to throw water on the tv, to get rid of them!!! thank God she wasnt hurt!!!!

As you can imagine I bawled for days!!!!
I was so devestated that this is happening to her.

Now a week later...she enjoyed a weekend with me and her cats...we had a fine time.

Now shes seeing only problems, doesnt like it ( when she did before) and wants to go home!
No matter what I say, no matter how many times...its been 2 days of I wanna go home!....She gets angry and tries to order me...we argue... I settle her down...she threatens me...and its the same dance again.

She says they arent doing anything for her. I just wanted her out of her house...i dont want her around( we live together).

But honestly...I did need a break. With her around is emotionally draining...and as I said before she can be very verbally abusive...BUT FOR SOME REASON MY HEART FORGETS ALL OF MY PAIN AND IS Willing to to go back to hell , inorder to see her satisfied again.
She tells me " i WANNA GO BACK TO MY HOME...i dont wanna be here all my life, I wanna be where I can be happy"
and guys I want her to be... I am soooooooo torn.
AM I BEING SELFISH?

And the doc that saw her today, the phycologist....did exactly what I asked them not to do.... prescribe NAMENDA for her. This stuff made her more angry, irritable, and combative...and they go and prescibe it!

This makes me wanna take her out! There has been other things to happen...( Like some employee relaxing in her room over the weekend....and watching her tv, using her things....I REPORTED THIS TO THE ADMINSTRATOR!)
but I am trying to be open to things not being perfect ( cause stuff aint always perfect right?)....but I am so unsure now...unsure of the home, unsure of my intentions were unselfish, unsure to keep her there or not...help.

i agree with you absolutely! some things u can spill it all out on this website. And some things best kept in private. Now for the hard, practical day to day decisions that HAS TO BE DONE, the "damn if you do, damn if you don't" situation applies, I salute you. Don't bother about others, if you think deep in your heart that what you are doing is for the best interest of everyone, including you and the ones you're caregiving -- then DO IT. no guilt feelings!

After all, I always say to everyone (friends, neighbors, acquaintances, especially my mom's sisters, brother, nieces & nephews who seem to always have the opinion but has no guts in doing the actual dirty tedious job of caregiving), i almost always want to tell them to f____ off!

they're very good in suggesting but ran away when u let them become the captain of the ship! it hurst. but i learned my lessons well, I stopped complaining, I stop telling them updates, and best of all I do the decisions, execute day to day tasks for my mom, myself being the breadwinner and only child, and the boss around the house. No guilt feelings, no need to explain to anyone). my worst critics finally learned to shut up and sort of respected me for handling my own affairs quietly and efficiently.

This website helps, cuz I see a lot of others in the same boat. Hugs & cheers to all of us.

I think it's important that we support each other on this site. There's no need for shaming one another. We all go through bad stuff. I'm here for you lhardebeck. Bless you always. :)

Thank you for agreeing with me.
I just don't feel that it is something to laugh about even if their Moms have been mean in the past, I find it disgusting to make fun. The poor souls can't help it.

Hi Linda,

You're so sweet! Thank you for your hug. My mother doesn't qualify for a NH yet, b/c it's mostly her brain that's messed right now. Though she also has COPD, and old-age-itis, as well. Feel sorry for your girlfriend.

When I look at the picture of you and your dad, I think of mine. I think mine escaped my mom through Alzheimer's. Wonder how I'll escape?

Thanks for your care and support! Hugs and more back to you for all you do, and thanks for being such an angel and a blessing!

Anne

I was just thinkin how blessed we are to love our dads,taking care of someone is rough enough,but I couldn't imagine it if I was resentful of him as some of the others are of there loved ones.I do not think I WOULD HAVE HAD THE SAME LOYALITY.

I should feel free now,but I'm still getting over the last 10 years.The legal battles doesn't help anything. It is almost like coming out of war and trying to fit in society again. The whole world has changed in the last ten years., I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. I spoiled my dad also.I would do anything for him as he would me and I miss him alot. Lawyers thrive on conflict in a family,thats how they get rich and thats the stage I am in now. Maybe after the lawyers and IRS are done with me, I can think of starting anew.

I was taking care of 2 men,Jeff has passed away with cancer,my dad passed away last,it has been along and hard road that only a few seem to understand. I am now trying to learn how to take care of myself which is foriegn to me.After reading some of these clips, I SHOULD BE DANCIN' AROUND SINGING