ksue5036

Here's my report on today's therapy session.

That was one powerful therapy session and he let me have extra time because I had a lot extra to unload. I came home and discussed this with my wife. I put in my movie that I forgave my mother for absorbing me into herself like an emotional spouse both as a single mom and then in her second marriage, plus trying her best not to raise me as an all American boy like her ex wanted to. Thus, my confused identity comes from the confused way she raised me plus her using me like an emotional partner/spouse. So, and my wife and I concluded this is why we are both comfortable with our rather non traditional marriage in which we really have some basic role reversals which the home she came from fits with how to tell the truth I was raise part like a gril and part like a boy. My conclusion is my mom was in bondage to something that happened in her life and I forgive her for that. My final conclusion is that I am finally comfortable with how I turned out as my therapist, SIL, and some of my friends have said, I really function more like the wife and the mom in this household which is ok with me and I'm no longer angry at God and mom making me that way. My wife on the other hand does not fit the stereotype feminine submissive wife either which my mother certainly was not. So, as we talked today and she wanted to make sure that I'm ok with all this, our non-traditional role reversal family works for us, we like it and we like how our marriage works plus we recognize that neither of us could have been married to a stereotypical person of the opposite sex because neither of us fits completely those stereotypes. There are things that I do which reflect the lack of intimacy with my dad plus the confused identity with my mother. My wife recognizes that and as long as I stay with the boundaries that I've set with myself, she is fine with it because she understands it. The same thing is true with her as well and I give her some extra space their. Nothing immoral or illegal but a little something that helps each of us with our issues.

Wow, I am looking forward to see my therapist at 1:45 because I've been working through things via editing my 'therapy movie for I realized earlier today that I was objectifying and intellectualizing my emotions instead of dealing with them head on. I'm done and it is past time to go to bed, but I have nothing to accomplish in the am.

Just wanted to share that I got some folks to give me a break and I'm doing better heart wise although still not sleeping very well since the night before my uncle's death.

Last week, I had the most eye opening therapy session of all! My therapist said it would help me to look over the titles of my 'movies' that I've made and see my progress from being so wrapped up in my anger toward mom as well as others to now really working on my own identity apart from them with still needing to address one thing that is at the very core of all of this family of origin mess. Yeah!!! Progress.

I think that I might be on the verge of an anxiety attack because my tachycardia will not calm down.

Thanks for the hugs and ideas and thoughts. I am busy these days for some reason .Less time for internet. That is good I guess.

You're welcome, do you think you will do a contract? Ask me anything if you want, I am here. Good luck, its SOOOOO much work!!!!!
luvmom

Hi, how are you doing? I have not seen you around in a while.

yes ! :)

Karen, I must say that you write with such crystal clear tactfulness with more depth than an iceberg!

Thank you so much. I feel as though I am not alone.
Barb