When will my older brother step up the plate and help me care for our 85-year-old father?

Does he respond and do what is needed when you DO call? If so, I think maybe you just live with that and try to be as specific as you can about what you need from him.....but if you're just venting about having to point out the obvious to your bro., I affirm that. It's absolutely frustrating.

You probably can't.There always seems to be 1 person in a family that does not get it,due to different reasons.Either talk w/ them & draw them a picture of what you need& see,or just skip them from the beginning.If they don't get it,they only frustrate you.He also is a guy,which doesn't help.Most
men are clueless.

Never, I have finally given up on my 9 brothers and sisters. Mom was there for everyone of them when they needed help, but the same old story I stepped up to help her and everyone else stepped back. I have tried emails, phonecalls etc, nothing its like to most of them there mother doesn't exist. Sorry that's the way it works sometimes. Come to terms with the fact that you may be doing this alone.

with your father being 85, that means your brother is perhaps 60. When you just write it, you think, oh a 20-year-old deadbeat. But this is a 60-year-old deadbeat, like my three sisters. Grown women, grandmothers all.

Anyway, there may be some transformational experience you could inject into the situation. Seeing the movie "The Savages" might pry open something, perhaps some poem. That movie just out on DVD, "The Single Man," is such a movie, though not about caregiving a parent. But caring about life. Oh, the new "Toy Story 3" movie has a "stick together" scene that will bring you to your knees weeping.

Almost anyone would run to the aid of someone in an accident to help them. But when one is dying over the period of several years, this same person runs the other way.

Shallow. (My prime insult.)

In my experience--Although there was another sibling, I seemed to have been the chosen one that stepepd up to the plate...This is quite a common occurance in families, unfortunately. And there can be a host of reasons why your brother is NOT sharing the responsibilits. I personally think what you need to do is to have a family meeting-or a meeting with your broter-on the phone or even better in person..and iron this all out. You may be very suprised to hear the reasoning behind the matter of Not sharing-the caregiving responsililities. A lot of understanding, and possibly less resentment will come out of all this.. The sooner you do this the better off everyone will be.
Good lick on your careging journey~
Hap

What does your father think of him? Is your dad supportive of you?

I spoke to my 56 yr old brother the other day and told him what I would like him to do such as give me a break once in a while and his response was "Well then I guess I'll JUST have to go over there and stay with them if you need me to." Maybe I am being too picky but I feel that Mom did not just birth to me and why do I have to call, why can't he stop over once in a while to say hi. My parents love him alot and do understand that he is not perfect and has some faults but according to Dad " He's a hard working man and has his own family to take care of!" OK I will do my part and hopefully he will wake up and smell the coffee. Thanks to all of you for the support. I really appreciate. Hugs to all of you!!!

dmvgirl is right....NEVER....do your best...hopefully he'll have an epiphany and changes....good luck

You can only ask and if not help maybe money to hire help but usually it will not help but since he is not in the picture he better not fuss any decisions you make as time goes buy.

If there is any way to get your dad to ask him, I would have that happen. This is what I do with my mom: when she needed help with her yard work I told her to call all of the kids and ask or I would send over the person who does my neighbor's lawn to give an estimate. She chose the later. Suddenly siblings weren't getting the birthday checks because mom had this new expense. Does your dad live with you?