What should I watch out for in a nursing home?

Thank you for your kind comments. It is so very hard to let go of them. Mom was only ripping magazines and walking around and around in the house. I feel bad that she didn't have much to entertain her. I am hoping that at the facility she can engage in some activities. It will be hard on her as she as never been independent. She is a people person and loves attention. She was a dance instructor and they do have dances there. She has a hip replacement so she won't be jitterbugging like back in the day, when she won contests. I feel better if she likes it there. Im scared for her the first days as I sure it is very confusing. I am protective of her and want the best for her. I just hope that the staff can see a lovely lady who just needs care.

You've had to make a difficult decision but you're doing the right thing for your mom.

My dad was in a nursing home the last 6 months of his life. One thing I learned was that no one could have taken care of his as well as I did. He got my undivided attention everyday. That's not the case in a NH. Your mom will be one among many as my dad was. There are other patients the staff have to tend to.

Another thing I learned was to pick my battles. If my dad complained about the seating arrangements in the dining room that would be a battle I'd choose not to pick. If my dad's meds were changed for some reason that's something I'd choose to address.

Be extra-special nice to the staff and your mom will be the one who benefits. Unfortunately it also goes the other way, complain and hound the staff about stuff all the time and your mom will pay for it. Not that she'd be abused or anything but generally the patients who have families that are nice and appreciative are the patients that get as much attention as possible in a NH.

If you begin to see problems or issues with staff or the treatment of your mom begin to document it. Time, day, staff member, etc. Don't go running to a supervisor every time something goes wrong because you don't want a staff member whom you've just complained about being your mom's aide for the day.

Nursing homes are institutions like hospitals and occasionally infections break out. It's inevitable. Sometimes a certain hallway or wing will be in isolation to prevent the spread of disease. This is necessary. My dad was in a NH for 6 months and this happened once. If your mom is in isolation you can still see her but there will be a cart outside her room where you'll have to don a gown and gloves and a mask. The staff do everything they can to prevent illness from spreading to the well folks but our loved ones health is compromised just because they're elderly. If your mom gets an infection it's not necessarily because the facility is dirty or unsanitary it's because NH's are a breeding ground for infection. You get one resident who has stool under their fingernails and they go to dinner and touch the salt shaker and then your mom picks up the salt shaker.....It happens.

But they have activities suited to their mental capabilities, music and guests. Sometimes there's someone who brings in dogs for the residents to pet. Your mom will be less isolated than she is with you and it will be good for her. And you.

Dear Su, I'm not sure where you are geographically, but my mom, aded 91, post stroke and hip fracture, is in a nh facility in Connecticut. Previously, she had been in Ind Liv for about 2 years and had MRSA twice (maybe poor hand sanitation?) Bit has not had an infection since. The facility picked up pneumonia earlier this winter before she ever coughed; she had a cold recently and they were on it right away with nebulizer treatments and expectorant. I know that not every facility is this good. My brother snd sil live close by and visit several times a week, brief stoo bys; I show show up on weekends and call both mom and facility a coupke times a week. Hope your journey is as smooth as ours has been thus far.