What are some good things to remember when trying to find an assisted living facility?

Hi. My mom and dad have been living in an Assisted Living apt. complex for three years, and now I can't imagine them living on their own. They are tended to several times a day by people who seem to honestly care about them. I think that's what I feared the most--that their needs would be met by people who only did their jobs because they were paid to do them.

But what bothers me is that my mom, who has dementia, now would rather stay there than go out to dinner when I visit, would rather stay there so she won't miss getting her pills or her shower or whatever when one of "the girls" is due to be doing something for her at a certain time.
I never saw my mom dependent on anyone, and now she is.

It's way better than a nursing home, by far better than that. Those places terrify me. But if my mom--or when my mom--no longer knows who we are and no longer has the vaguest notion of her life, that has to be considered. I guess.

I hope you find a good place like my mom and dad did.
Flowerglass

We moved my grandmother to an Assisted Living apartment 2 years ago. It was initially a tough decision. Our entire family had the same concerns having heard horrors of nursing homes. It was the right choice to move her but it wasn't easy for her to accept. Whenever I visit I think how I'd like to live there and I couldn't understand why she seemed to be hiding in her apartment and not participating in all the wonderful programs and activities. Then I started thinking about. She's embarrassed of being old and needing assistance. After 2 years she is now participating more and making friends. It takes time to adjust to new things (old dog, new tricks). I now take comfort that our decision to move her to assisted living, and the care and interaction she is receiving there, is keeping her out of a nursing home. Our big concern is that she has limited financial resources and it is only a matter of time before she (we) can no longer afford to keep her in assisted living. We've been told Medicaid will cover a nursing home that is 4 times more expensive, but will not cover assisted living.

Have you tried the ElderCare locator? Its a great resource...
www.eldercare.gov/Eldercare/Public/Home.asp

Dear Caring4alice,

Call senior services or your local social security office and get the real facts about Medicaid. My husband is on a waiting list for the Memory Care unit of an assisted living facility for which Medicaid will pay all but $450 per month. We live in Oregon which has a very generous system.

My message is, don't take the work of others who are not in a position to know the real facts.

Good luck.

Sunny28,
First of all, it takes a lot of courage to take the step to place your mother! It is a hard decision but a necessary one. I took care of my mom for 6 years but I was a trained caregiver and knew what to do. I also work in an Assisted Living Facility and have a degree in Gerontology. My advice to you is to place her before her dementia gets worse. She does not need a dementia unit yet and will do well in assisted living. It does take adjustment time. I don't know how your finances are but Sunrise Senior Living (where I work in Maryland) has very high standards for their caregiving staff and has assisted living and a dementia unit in the same residence. This way they could stay in the same place where everyone knows them as their dementia gets worse. Look for a facility that has both levels. Also, tour a few and watch how the staff relates to the residents. Look for residents that look (or smell) dirty, and if you can, ask a few residents if they like it there. There are also great group homes. The Dept. of Aging or the Alzheimers Asso. has lots of resources to help you find the right place. I think there is a website through the counites that will provide you with facility rating scales, like how many regulations they failed in inspection, etc.
Hope that helps!
Gina

There is a big difference is assisted care places my friends mother who was in her 90's was in one and was only checked on once a day-my feeling is you need to be chose on that is close by so you or someone can check on them often to see what is going on and you do have to calmly address any problems I did have to make a fuss because when my husband became unresponsive during PT they waited too long to get a nurse until the third time I raised cain now they take him to the nurses station and this nursing home had a problem with dehydration of as told to me by other family members after me called our states board of health things changed

I am an LPN Charge nurse on a "special care" unit within a longterm care facility. I am seriously considering opening a home for memory care residents because I feel in the "facility" setting the residents can't get the one on one care that they need and deserve because the staff is too busy. I have found that it isn't that the staff doesn't care,it's just that the ratio of staff to resident is way out of alignment. One my unit there is 1 nurse, 2 CNAs and 22-24 residents with differing degrees of dementia and physical needs. In my opinion, it is virtually impossible to give each resident the attention they should be getting and the attention the admissions offfice has promised the family. But when it comes to staffing, it's all about the money the facility can save instead of the quality care the residents receive - but that is just my opinion.
Mary

As for where my parents live, in Assisted Living, I honestly have no complaints. But they're still able to drive and act in their own best interests and so aren't as dependant on the caregivers and aides as some people are.
If my parents were unable to stand up for themselves or completely dependant on the staff, that would be different.