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We are in crisis. How do I tell my dad we are moving him to assisted living?

Asked by deletemyaccount  |  Jan 16, 2012

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Dad is 88. He can barely walk & we have a dr appt scheduled in 2 days. His decline started at Christmas. My sister lives thousands of miles away and I am an hour away from my dad. W are bringing him to live with us for now.My sis & I are working together to care for dad. My husband is wonderful, kind & helpful.

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Sand56

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Jan 16, 2012

My thoughts are with you and I feel compelled to share our story as it is so similar to the challenge that you and your family face. My 88 year old father has moderate dementia, difficulty with his gate, (this is commene falls and serious injury. He

 
 

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geewiz

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Jan 16, 2012

It may be easier than you expect! My Mom was showing signs of dementia about a year ago. After using companions part time, I arranged for 24/7 care. Two months later, she fell and was hospitalized, then did rehab. Rather than move her back to her home, I told her the doctor wanted her to get more practice walking. She was taken to an ALF that specializes in memory care residents. That was several months ago. She has NEVER asked me about her own place or when she was going home. She did ask a family member one evening (sun downing time) . Only once in several months has made it easier than I'd ever hoped. Since you are bringing him to your place, I'd try to make it an adventure/visit/vacation. I believe we can respect our seniors as individuals while helping them to make a transition for which they really can't be a decision maker.

Best of luck, he is probably more ready than you realize. Keep us posted.

 
 

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OnlyDaughter16

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Jan 17, 2012

I agree with eqw07305, it may be easier than you expect. Make the explanation to your Dad simple. Pick an answer that your Dad will accept easily. Something like - Dad the doctor prescribed some physical therapy to strengthen his legs. Do not try to explain that he can not live alone etc - that will definitely make him upset. If he is confused - just keep repeating the same acceptable answer and always assure him this is only temporary until the doctor says his legs are strong. We found this type of explanation very effective for my mom, as she didn't question something the doctor said and she was able to accept a physical problem rather than any implication she had dementia. Hope that helps.

 
 

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deletemyaccount

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Jan 17, 2012

Thank you all for your advice, I was feeling so helpless. He has difficulty walking, so that will be a good explanation. It's nice to know there is a community here to help.

 
 

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