My dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. He lives far away with no family nearby. How do I talk him into moving in with me?

You and your dad are at a very delicate point in your lives. He is very aware of the changes going on with his cognition and may very well be fighting with everything in him to hold on to his independence and self-determination. He may perceive moving in with you as giving up all that he holds so dear. Please read Barbara Perman's book "No Easy Move." It is available on Amazon.com. She discusses difficult conversations, the process for assisting with change, and helps her readers explore some options that may be acceptable to the adult child (with concerns about safety and security) and more palatable to the elder with independence still intact. You are wise to start consideration making changes when you and your dad are not in crisis. Good Luck!

I hear you, Naus. It takes creativity to do what must be done sometimes. My husband reminds me I try to reason with unreasonable people, and that is next to impossible. Sometimes we have to take a stand, even when others don't understand. And somtimes our firm stand is very misunderstood by the one we're trying to protect. This can lead to other difficulties. Having walked this way for awhile, I am learning everything the hard way, as no one "trained me" for this position. I'm often accused of for caring: "Well, you're the one who volunteered for this!" (Said sarcastically, of coarse.) Caregiving is not for sissies. We become stronger in the doing, against difficult, and seemingly impossible odds.

Dear zacher, most definately, the mental stimulation, regular exercise and better food will help so much. The dementia will get worse, and acting now instead of later will make it easier on dad and yourself as well. I tried talking my dad into moving close to me for 7 years, and it didn't work, and I had no idea, the amount of damage that had been done to him financially, or the self neglect that took place. So I did the only thing I could do to help dad. You are on the right track in doing what is best for your dad, and people here on this site will give you so much support and compassion in your journey. Wishing you all the best, and prayers to you.

If you are going to be the live in, primary caregiver, please make certain to arrange some time just for you. Statistics indicate that primary, family caregivers of individuals with Alzheimer's Disease experience stress related illnesses at a higher rate and a higher death rate from stress related illnesses. Get some help and get to a support group, spiritual counselor, anyone to whom you can look for support. Some days with your dad will be fulfilling and make you glad you made the decision, others will make you wonder whatever were you thinking. Try to stay in the moment with him, maintain your sense of humor, and again, take care of yourself in all of it. Bless you for your loving hear.

Well zacher, it is not easy to talk a parent into moving in with their child. No matter how confused they get, they still think they can take care of themselves. Put yourself in their shoes and think how you would feel giving up your home and independence. Not good.
And you need to be very sure that you want this move. Believe me it is not only a BIG change for your dad but also a LIFE change for you.
How bad is your dad's mind. Is he a danger to himself and others. If he is not too bad yet you might want to take it real easy. Can you hire an agency to check on him each day? Does he qualify for Meals on Wheels? Is he a veteran? Is he on medicare? Look into Power of Attorney for health and finances. Talk to his doctor and make an appointment so you and your dad can attend together. If he is beginning Alzheimer's he might still have some reasoning power's left. i feel for you because i have been there. My dad lives with me and he has Alzheimer's.

Yes, tread lightly. Each person is different, and each reacts differently to the disease and disease process. My dad got real quirky, with bouts of anger, delusion, and then, catastrophic reactions. Then he got lost while driving, started wandering, and lost all inhibitions, and became innappropriate with women and children, and going in neighbor's mailboxes. He was losing his abilities to handle his finances, and making grave errors. It was heart wrenching to discover. If you haven't seen anything like this, rejoice.

Have you studied up on this disease? There is so much to learn, and it can be a long, long road. Local libraries carry lots of books on this subject, and your local Alzheimer's Association as well. Though it is different for everyone. They often need 24 hour care. This can be very difficult for one person, and can be draining emotionally.

You are brave to consider it, and compassionate to offer assistance. Count the costs, then count them again. Get wise counsel before you move him anywhere. What does he say? It's a terrifying scenario for some. There's lots of threads on this subject, such as: "Regret," "Don't Want Mom to Live With Me Anymore," etc.

How to convince him to move in with you? Depends on many factors. But if he is struggling with communication, remember, it's hard to reason when reason starts to slip. Sometimes you need to trust your instincts, and prayer helps. Take care.

You can't. Put yourself in his position. If he doesn't want to move, he doesn't want to move. Here's what I would do if he were my Dad: Hire a near-by (nearby-to him) to stop in daily to look in on him and care for his needs. Let him be as he is.
I would not want to move in with my child/children so why should he? For YOUR convenience?
If, however, things should get worse. Dementia has a way of increasing itself, and if he cannot, and I mean CANNOT eat, bathe, walk or go potty by himself, then ANOTHER decision can be made, but not until then.

"If he doesn't want to move, he doesn't want to move?" "Let him be as he is?" Some of us do not have that luxury, when it comes to their health and safety, and have limited time to make the right choices, especially if they are out of state, or too far away to check on them. Also, if there is no POA, you cannot force them to pay for in-home help/care. And some of us cannot afford to do the paying for them. This is a tough choice, I too know, I have been there myself. I had to force or rather trick my dad into moving in with me. I told him I was taking him away to my house for the Thanksgiving Holiday. The vacation became longer and longer, and of course there was some resistance. No one can tell you what to do. But just do the very best you can for your dad to keep him safe, and well, and most of all, trust your instincts, they will tell you what is right.

..one of the hardest things in life is to see a loved one ill or unable to care for himself and not be able to provide the care that you would like to give. Sometimes when a situation becomes totally unsafe, a decision can be force.. I also think that finding a local assistance can be helpful, when someone is checking on him, making sure he has food, and that gets any care he can get from them.. also, to install an emergency response system at his place. And maybe have his doctor to explain him that living on his own at his age is not safe..