Who takes care of my husband and I when our family lives far away and we are starting to need help?

My heart goes out to you! You say you live too far from family....Are they aware of your situation? Maybe they don't know just how bad things are, and need to know? My husband and I moved his mother (84) near us last fall, 6 months after her husband passed away, and after she fell and broke her arms. She did not want to move, but really had no choice. She has settled into an independent senior apartment a mile from us, and really loves it. She can see her six grandchildren more often now. We were 900 miles apart before this, and we could see her only once or twice a year at most (because she could not travel, and we didn't have enough vacation time or money to go).

If your family knows about your situation and cannot help, perhaps you should make some calls to find out what services are available in your area. Most cities have senior services information, and they can steer you in the right direction. You could also look into independent or assisted living. You certainly have your plate full! Independent living might not be a good fit, given both your health limitations. Assisted living is NOT a nursing home, you know. It is very similar to an independent apartment, but you have the benefit of meals, assistance with bathing, medications, etc. and that sounds like it could be good for your husband....

I am so sorry for what you're going through. My own mother passed away at 59, over 15 years ago. My elderly mother-in-law's needs are getting increasingly more complicated, so we are looking into assisted living for her in the near future. Change is hard, but please do reach out and find out what is available. If not family, then the change in housing may be in order. Another option is home health care. Depends upon your budget, of course, but there are people who can come in and help on a daily basis.

I wish you the best as you navigate your path on this journey....Blessings.

JPB has some good points and specifically about communication. If family knew the severity of your situation would any come to your aid. Relocation for you or them could happen. Nothing is impossible.
Yes there is home health care and also church members (I have one for my mom) and also I found (we live in a small town) some other people who would LOVE to spend time with my mom. I just have to convince mom it is a good idea. So I am the one to make phone calls.
My mom was moved to independent living just six weeks after my dad's death but with her house here and me available we moved back into it in March. It is a good move as mom and dad spent time here. So far mom has no major health issues. Her cognition is low but doc says that may be due to thyroid. So when mom feels down about forgetting we blame it on the thyroid ... helps her mood, she lightens up.
Family, friends, church, community, and also there are those taking classes for caregiving, social work, gerontology etc in the colleges/universities who need "units" for community work. You could contact them.
Keep posting as well, networking on this site is good.
Peg

Hello Grandma Carol, If you have health insurance you can go see you and your husbands primary doctors or get an appointment setup with a Geriatric doctor who specializes in caring for the elderly. Many times this type of Doctor will give you the support you need for your Insurance Company to setup care or help that is available for you. Now days there are also company's that specifically help with Elder Care Management, these company's are good at letting you know what services are available to you that you qualify for. They can give you directions in setting up services or help set them up for you. Since you can use the computer I would "google" your zip code and Elder Care Management and go from there. If you feel that this is to much for you to handle on your own by all means call your children and let them know you need help.

This is the situation that requires LTC insurance. Hopefully you have some financial means ( not physical) for which you and your husband can be cared.
You don't need family near-by. You need them only to place you once and have a
contact with the Independent Living Facility or Assisted Living Facility. Your husband will probably need this type of care first. At age 69, you will not, unless there is some underlying serious health problem that you may have.

1st suggestion--people limit your answers to 150 and get to the point. My mom's doctor referred her to Advantage Care--an assisted living private care organization funded entirely by MEDICADE and Heartland--a certified nursing program funded entirely by MEDICARE. I am looking for an honest LTC insurance to purchase if anyone out there has a positive experience with any.

I apologize if I was too wordy in my first reply. I am new here. I also felt that GrandmaCarol was looking for some comfort and reassurance, as well as practical help. I will try to be more concise in the future, but I will continue to offer prayers and virtual hugs!

If anyone has ever read the poem, Is There Life After Birth, or has access to it, I'd appreciate your help in finding it again.
It was read to me after my husband died.

This is what I found when I goggled. Hope it is what you are looking for. Peg

Is There Life After Birth?

By levent

They had been in the dark.
Two embryos, in a mothers womb…
they had been waiting together ignorant of everything, in a watery cradle…
They had put their arms around each other and slept just in that way…
Weeks had passed and the twins had grown up.
Their hands and feet had become clear.
Soon their eyes came to light,
Both of them had realised what was happening around them…
What a comfort, what a dependable world it had been
Heat, wet, full with love
“Such a wonderful world we live in” they had said “…Thankfully”

Then time had gone by and they explored around.
They had gone further into a dark world and a source of life.
Then they had become aware of the cord that was feeding them
They had thanked their mother who called them into being with that cord.
Then an arguing had begun on existence:
“Where did we come from? How do we exist?” …they had asked
“It is our mom” …one of twins had said. “She created us”
“How could you know this? You have never seen your mom” …the other had protested.
“Maybe she is only in our mind. Belief in a Mother is a thing that we made-up just because it puts us at ease”

This discussion continues on for a while.
They had begun kicking when they didn’t fit into womb.
They had had ears and fingers now.
They had understood that the end of the road is close
This wonderful life will come to an end, in good time.
Darkness journey will pull them towards another land

“We are moving towards our life’s end” one of twins had whispered.
The other one had insisted “I don’t want to go away. I am not ready to leave this life yet”
“But things that are fated to happen are destined; pray, maybe there is a life after birth”
The pessimist one had asked:
“This cord will be cut someday. What will happen to us then?”
The optimist one had answered this with a poem:
“Many of those leaving – seem happy with the place where they went – many years passed – nobody returned from that journey”

And one fine day the ground started to shake, walls began to close in.
The twins had understood the expected day had come by insufferable pains.
They had hugged each other for the last time with their puckered arms
And they had cried together saying “our life is ending”
A hand -which they supposed was that of the angel of death-, had cut their cord
They had been pulled into another land through the dark corridor

Sometimes when writing a longer response than preferred by another we are working through issues and also another person can glean what they need from the lengthy answer. Just because someone posts a longer than 150 word response does not mean I have to read it. If I have time I do as that's respect; if I am in a rush I glance through it and revisit it later.

If you area has an Elder Care service, call them. They can help set you up with a service that will come in and provice some of the care you need, or at least give you suggestions of who to call. Also, as one person mentioned, ask your doctor or healthcare service. There's also an organization (and other's like it) called "Home Instead" that you can hire to assist you if nothing else is available. I'm currently in the process of having to set up something for my mother because, though she lives with me, I work full-time, and she requires someone with her. Good luck!