Anyone had success in dealing with a hypochondriac / munchausen parent?

Oh my goodness, I'm crying sitting here because you all understand. My mother is just like this. Today she is at the doctors again. She gets mad when they find nothing wrong with her. She is at the doctor at least once a month. When the phone rings and I see it's her I immediately tense up because she will either be sick (known by the shortness of breath she talks with or with tears but mysteriously disappears in a few minutes) or she is calling to complain about something. Her words are always, I'm such a pain in the a**, I hate to bother you. I go to counseling and this last time all I did was talk about my mother. I love her, but I don't like her behavior. She's lonely....I know. I work and go to school part time, my husband works, my brother works, my sister in law works and all the grandchildren are in school. We all have lives and we talk to her a couple of times a week each. It's not enough for her. I told her to volunteer someplace, nope. I mentioned maybe seeing a counselor...nope. The one time she actually had a problem was a few years back and we didn't believe her until her uterus prolapsed and was hanging out. Kind of hard to put that on. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm starting to resent her, and I don't like it.

castoff,

I have the same problem with my mother. I've never thought of the condtion as Munchausen's. I just figured it was a bid for attention or hypochondria. Her doctor doesn't want to see her anymore. Because she never has any problems.

I used to get upset when I started looking after her 8 years ago, but eventually I realized it was the same old stuff she has put out all my life. My mother is now 92. I figure that if she really has something bad happen like a stroke or heart attack it will be obvious and entirely different from her usual list of complaints. If she's not on the floor struggling to breathe, I ignore her. She can sure get dramatic and sometimes I get hooked but only for a few seconds.

I set my boundaries and stay away from her as much as possible. It's amazing how much she can do for herself when she really wants to.

Are you sure we all don't have the same mother? I could have written each of these messages. My mother has a symptom that anyone could have, then dwells on it. She loves her magic pills. She'll call and make doctor appointments when I'm not in the room. She gets mad at me because I just don't realize how sick she is. She has abstract symptoms that can neither be proved nor disproved. She has terrible itches here and there. Spots on her arms become a rash that happened because someone did something.

When I first came to live here, she was over-medicating. Too much Metformin (diabetes) caused her to feel nauseous and gassy all the time. We spent a lot of time running to the doctor, having MRIs, and other things before I figured out what she was doing. And then there was too much Ativan that made her seem like she had Alzheimer's. Then there was the overdose on the Alzheimer's drug that was terrible -- took a week of my life to get her back on her feet. Thank goodness she finally relinquished control of her drugs to me. She has been much better.

At the present time, we are dealing with something real and not serious -- a basal cell carcinoma on her nose. We have to go to the doctor for radiation therapy three times a week for the next four weeks. One would think that enough, but she called her other doctor to make an appointment about her itching and UTI, which I think is really just incontinence. She has not really grasped that what is really wrong is that she is old now (86) and her body just doesn't work as well as it once did. So something must be wrong that can be fixed.

My biggest concern about all this, besides the abuse of my time, is the cost in Medicare dollars. I believe that if Medicare was a little less free that many of these imaginary illnesses would disappear. It is no wonder that Medicare is hurting the economy so bad. Many elders abuse it. That really bothers me. Medicare shouldn't have to pay for people who only desire attention. It is too big of a drain.

My mum is only 47, I wish she was in her 80s so that all her crap would end with her soon. I know what you're thinking, what a terrible thing to say. My mother has faked broken bones, seizures, hospital visits and cancer numerous times. It stopped when I was 12 and then started again when I was 17. Moving countries she was able to play the same ailments over again. cutting off her hair getting a walker, having seizures in front of her religious friends who would tell me she was having seizure today. in which I would roll my eyes and tell them "that's funny, never in my life has she ever had a seizure in front of me and I live with her, maybe it's you". I have nothing but resentment for that woman, when she talks about her being sick I ignore her. When she pretends to nearly fall over I laugh at her. She doesn't pretend much in front of me anymore because she knows she won't get sympathy from me. Sometimes I just wish she was gone. I went through foster care and sexual abuse because of my mother. because she's selfish. We all want to move back to Canada but she doesn't want to leave England because she will lose her benifits. I kid you not, 10 minutes ago her therapy worker was here and she was screaming a fake cry that would win a 5 year old any oscar. You know that fake cry no tears that is a result of not getting what they want. Well 2 hours of that, the therapy worker is gone and my mum is up playing with the dog making dinner as if it never happened. I fear the day that she drives me insane. I have no choice but to live with her. I'm glad I'm not alone but also sad others have to deal with this. Just ignore it. do not give into them and distance yourself emotionally. that's my only advice.

I think we all have the same parent. When my husband told my mom that her self-centered focus on her health was making me sick she said I was a hateful daughter. My daughter-in-law advised me to disengage so I won't be dragged into the anxiety and darkness with her. She certainly has enough energy in the midst of these health crisis (five ER visits in the past 6 months for nothing) to berate me over the phone. Incidentally she was a physical and emotionally abusive parent to my sister and I and at age 89 nothing has changed except I'm old enough not to want to kill myself because I displeased her.

This all sounds so familiar. I told Mum she needs a hobby because she is hyper-focused on her health, yet she somehow forgets to take her meds or do her physical therapy. Just this morning, I gave Mum her coffee and meds, set up her nebulizer, and went to cook breakfast. I went back 20 minutes later to check on her. She was having some labored breathing (due to COPD), yet hadn't taken her meds or used her nebulizer. I asked her why. She said she forgot. She likes to 'forget'. It gets a rise out of me. Inside my head, I was screaming, "How can you sit there having difficulty breathing and FORGET to do the one thing that would give you relief?" Images of tilting her head back, pushing the pills to the back of her throat and then massaging her throat (the way I do for her dog) swim around in my head.

While this is an old thread, I'm responding since it's had recent activity. Also, I have GOOD news with my situation. I would keep in mind that even though we as family members see these ailments and complaints as fake, contrived, manipulation, and attention seeking, KEEP IN MIND, that those ailments are often the symptoms of DEPRESSION and ANXIETY. They may actually have those ailments, but they are brought on by their depression and anxiety. I have dealt with it for years with my loved one. It's extremely frustrating and can really cause you mental distress trying to cope. It is quite debilitating. It affects the entire family.

FINALLY, my loved one ended up in the ER one more time due to her anxiety and depression. (She's had many trips, just to discover, nothing is actually wrong.) An MRI and other tests ruled out physical causes. FINALLY, she is listening to her Primary, starting on medication and is SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST! She is the one who said she wanted it. The pain has gotten that bad. So, for all of you who are dealing with this, please hold on. I had to gently push, but we got it accomplished.

Hello I just came across this forum and I don't know why i did not look sooner.I am not the only one! I am a 51 year old single mother with a 13 year old daughter. My Mother has lived with us for the past 13 years. She has ALWAYS been a hypochondriac but lately I feel as if i am at the end of my rope. My daughters really do not have a good relationship with her because she has never acted like a grandmother because she is so self absorbed in her so called illnesses. She has never once taken my daughters out anywhere except a grocery store.I try to ignore her but she makes sure everyone in the house can hear her moaning and groaning. When I challenge her she threatens suicide. Just this evening she said she was going to look at a one way ticket to Amsterdam for assisted suicide because she just can't live like this. I am so tired of the cry wolf talk. She is such a negative person and i always try to be positive but it is dragging me down Help!

Right there with you guys!! My dad is 62- and currently in the hospital for the 5th time since dec 24.

I think our parents in their 90's have lived during a time of enormous evolution in modern medicine. As a small child my mom lost her little brother from a childhood illness that would today be easily treated with antibiotics, she herself almost succumbed to diphtheria and presumably suffered through all the childhood illnesses we routinely vaccinate against today. Knowledge of how to prevent common cancers, heart disease, and stroke with lifestyle changes is really a pretty recent thing. Even in the late 70's when my parents had heart problems they were told their cholesterol levels were fine, we didn't yet know to differentiate between LDL, HDL and triglycerides. I can imagine what a miracle it must have seemed to be given a little pill to treat what were once much feared diseases, no wonder they still look to them for miracles today.