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Dad drives somewhere everyday. I'm worried about when we have to take his driving away from him. How he's going to feel and how he'll be isolated. To him it's freedom.
Carol Bradley Bursack, Oct 3, 2009
Over the span of two decades author, columnist and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Because of this experience, Bradley Bursack created a portable support group, the book "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories."
That is what's the toughest thing about insisting someone quit driving – the feeling that you are taking away their independence.
Since it sounds like you have time, you should start slowly. If he goes somewhere like a club every Monday, try to get him to let you take him and pick him up for that one thing (or go with another friend, or take senior transportation). Then he can drive the rest of the week. Eventually, he'll see he can still go places. Maybe then you can move to two events a week, and so forth. Obviously, this is if he's still capable of driving at all.
The main thing to that you need to research how he will get where he wants to go if he can't drive and slowly let him know that he will be able to do so. It's hard, and he won't like it.
I tell nearly everyone that they will need the third party help of a doctor or good friend or spiritual leader - someone outside of the family that the person respects. It's easier for an adult to hear this message from someone other than their "kids." That's a general statement, of course, but is nearly always true.
Some people, because they have done everything else and still can't get an elder to quit driving even after they've been tested and shown they can't drive, have gone so far as to disable cars. It can get ugly.
If you have time, start discussing this with him. Go to The Hartford Web site and AARP. They both have good material on helping elders be safer drivers for as long as they can, and help with driving cessation. Good luck with this. Your kind heart shows through.
Carol
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