As POA for my 76-year-old mother with dementia do I have the right to stop her from getting married?

Not sure about the simple answer to your question - state laws could vary, or it could be case to case; as a guardian you would more likely have the absolute say so on it. You might want to consider letting her do it, if you can be sure it is all kosher financially. It might bring them both some happiness. Check with an eldercare attorney or at least the facility social worker to find out any effects on benefits or any other concerns. Most ALF and even skilled nursing facilities will arrange for husband and wife to share a room, sometimes with substantial cost savings also. If nothing else she should have semi-private room rate without the usual worries about getting along with one room mate after another. But, if the relationship seems abusive or not a healthy, friendly and supportive one in any way, you would at least want to involve some facility staff in helping assess it and guide the decisions and planning to deal with it in the best way possible.

The "short answer" is no you can't, unless she has been deemed incompetent by at least two physicians.

Does the nursing home know? They may not like it either. They might help with the declaration of incompetence. Also, maybe you could arrange a ceremony that is lovely but not legal?

Pre-NUP

How about setting up a "fake" wedding with no "real" papers signed? Let them think they are getting married as they did when they were younger. In your mother's mind she may "think" she is 30 years old again and this is the love of her life. She may not realize she is 76, as you know with Dementia and ALZ, she is going back in years. I would ask the facility their thoughts and see if you can't set up a "fake" wedding along with the Groom's family. Have you spoken to them? What do they say?
Keep in touch, would like to know how this is solved.
Blessings,
Bridget

My question is, why would you want to stop her, aside from her being not really able to use good judgement? Do you question the intent of the intended husband? Is the purpose for happiness? Is there some financial equation going on on his part? As a family member, I would wonder about the financial consequences to everyone in the will, if there is a will. Other than that, let her have some happiness if she can find a way with dementia.

If she marries, both new spouses have created legal consequences for a host of issues, not the least being inheritance rights. Further, facilities like your mom's are potential sources of STDs and other health issues. Whatever happens, get a pre-nup. But if legal competency is an issue, then the protections may not be adequate. Love may be all around, but so too are many practical and legal issues. What does her gentleman friend's family say? Will assets be joint? Tax filing joint? Supplementary insurance status? Life insurance and account benficiaries?

Get help and heed the details.

--Michael Froman

Unless a court deems her incompetent and assigns a guardian, the answer is no. Further, just a diagnosis of dementia is not in and of itself justification for obtaining guardianship -- you have to prove an inability for your mother to handle her own affairs, not just make bad decisions that you don't agree with.

If you are truly concerned about this and want to stop her, your first step would be to file a guardianship petition with the clerk of the court in the county in which your mother has residence. The process then involves getting depositions and testimony from people who are able to tell the court about her condition. This would include physicians, caregivers, family members, and professional advisors. Your mother -- or her attorney -- has the right to cross-examine these individuals. The court may also appoint a guardian ad litegem to represent the court before the court (if that makes sense).

Depending on the state you live in, the guardianship process could take anywhere from 3 months to 1 year. If thisis something that is happening quickly, you would want to apply for a temporary, emergency guardianship.

Unless she is legally declared incompetent and unless you get guardianship, it would be her decision.Main consideration is financial. How do each of them pay for living facility?? Self-pay or government assist??If married would she be liable for the added cost of his expenses if he couldn't pay ,etc. Also, if either has to go to nursing home with higher level of care, would the other then be liable for those expenses? Even with pre-nup saying individually responsible for own expense, I'm sure any facility would use whatever means to recover cost of care of either. Pension/health benefits from former husband might stop.
Address the financial to protect her interests.
She deserves to be happy, so a "fake" wedding might work out best.

I think the idea of a fake wedding the best solution. It will avoid financial and legal difficulties and allow both of them to be happy. I was wondering....how do you get around the issue of a marriage certificate after the wedding--if using a qualified minister/JP--which will make the union legal?