My mom lives with us and has short-term memory. We're moving in 3-4 months and we haven't told her. Should we be honest and tell her or keep it quiet until the last minute?

My mother also has short term memory problems and I have found it works best not to tell her anything until I have too. I found if I told her she was going somewhere (doctor, visit with another child etc) she would get very anxious and ask me repeatly where she was going. So now I tell her right before so she doesn't have time to fret and work herself into a state. Hope this helps

Yes, it does help. She was with my niece yesterday and Mom told her she knows our house is for sale and we're moving to NC or SC. My niece told her she doesn't know anything. We do have boxes laying around, but tell her we haven't put them in the attic yet from Christmas. So she hasn't come out and actually "ask" us if we're moving.

Pricetag, With my mother-in-law who can't remember any NEW information for more than 5 minutes, not telling her about doctor appts early makes sense. But when you're talking about moving her out of state, then yes I would start telling her. If you start now, and talk about it everyday, then eventually it will become older information and if her dementia is anything like my mil, then she just might remember it. You'll have to constantly repeat yourself about your move to her, but I think it will be worth it.

I would start telling her now. It is going to be hard. She will be upset either way. But the more you tell her the more she might remember. We took mom on vacation and every 5 min she was trying to walk home. She thought it was right across the street. I hope you have better luck with the move than we had on vacation. Good luck.

I guess I'm afraid she'll give us problems about "refusing" to move. We'll be only several hours away from my brother, as well as her grandson. We presently live in Florida, so in Greenville SC we'll have seasonal changes. We're originally from Maryland. I moved her down in Florida 18 years ago. We moved her out of her apt in March and took her car away -- all approved by my sister(lives in Colorado) and brother(lives in Atlanta). Of course Mom was very mad and upset.

Hey PT,

Get excited about it and include her in the plans. She's a big part of moving and might LOVE to be included even if she forgets about it 2 minutes later.

There's no refusing to move... Mom! You think we'd leave without you!?! omg!

The above references to letting her know and it becomes an exciting event to look forward to worked with my mom. rip

lovbob

If it were my mom and she began asking grandkids about moving, for sale signs and boxes - I'd tell her and be sure to tell her that she's going WITH YOU. If she's still sharp enough to put these details together, she's sharp enough to understand - and fear - that she'll be left behind. If she refuses tell her how disappointed you'll be not to have her with you, that you enjoy her and want her to share your new home. Tell her about anything she'll enjoy in the new home - the yard, gardening, her new room and bathroom - anything that will make it attractive. If she's worried about grandkids tell her they'll visit often. Transitions on folks her age are hard so I wish you and her the best.

She told my sister and niece that we treat her like a child. We don't give her a key to the house and do everything for her. Yesterday I had her help me unload the dishwasher and put dishes away. This morning she got her own cereal out with milk. I don't know what else she can do. I'm really afraid to tell her we're moving and she's going with us. I wonder if I should call her Doctor's office and ask the Head Nurse. Everyone's suggestions sound like the right thing to do, "tell" her.

I think the answer to your question is as individual as the person you are concerned about.. I would not tell my dear Mother anything until either we were ON our way, or just about to be there. Any change in her daily routines would cause severe mood swings, anxiety and raise her blood pressure UNNECESSARILY! With a bit of levity I offer some 'modified Shakespeare from Hamlet........

To tell or not to tell, that is the question:
Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outright RAGE,
Or to take arms against a barrage of questions,
And by answering them, end them?
Speak no more, and by silence to say we
End the heartache of a thousand questions!

Acclimating her to a change in location can be done under the guise of a VACATION, have her help "pack" will keep her busy. Order the newspaper for the city you will be moving to, have that around, so the 'move' seems transparent.

Talking about a move that will only create anxiety and make it more stressful for YOU, is not in my estimation a good idea. Only you know what is best.

I found not telling mom any thing about dr appts her house selling was a better idea than telling her. I found when I would tell her ahead of time she would worry all the time about it and con't to ask me what was going on. Of course, everyone is different so you know her best.