When do I know it’s the right time to withdraw the feeding tube from my mom?

Aug 16, 2011

oh dear . that is one hard dessions to make and ure alone in all that .
you said your mom said she s ready to die and u could honor her that . you should not feel like u have killed her , nana ,
my dad has swallowin pblms and the doc did say one day he will have a feeding tube . dad looked at me and said i do not want one . i said ok dad . so he will not have one .
i myself picture myself in thier shoes . oh pluz let me die and live my life peace . i would not want to lay there day after day , night after night , feeling pain and suffering . it is so so sad ,,,
i love my dad so much and i am not ready to see him go off to a better place but it will happen sooner or later . it is hard to let go cuz he is the only parent i have left . life goes on and it keeps a going .
big hugs to u dear . xoxo

stavieb

Aug 17, 2011

There is no way for me to answer your question but I did want to send love and support. It's an impossible decision but look into your heart and maybe the answer will be clearer.

jeannegibbs

Aug 17, 2011

I am certain of one thing, alault3: None of this is your fault. Not the nursing home and not the feeding tube and not the disease. You are making the best decisions you can, in love. She is dying. You have no control over that ultimate outcome. Your decision will only effect the timing, not the outcome. Whatever you decide, you will not be killing her. The disease is doing that.

I know what I would do. I know what I have pledged to do for my husband. I would honor her wishes. But if you decide not to, I would respect that and not question your judgment. This is a highly personal, emotional decision. I am sorry that you are facing it. Do your best and that will be good enough.

Helpful Answer (1)

tigerlily

Aug 17, 2011

That is something I hope I never have to contend with but I think sometimes it is more merciful to let someone go . Just know that our thoughts are with you and we wish that you find peace in whatever choice you make.

NancyH

Aug 17, 2011

After losing my mom this last April to cancer and seeing her starve to death, I know what I'd do. It's a terrible thing to watch someone die of starvation. I know that cancer was at fault for that even happening, but it was malnutrition that killed my mom before the cancer did. If she hadn't been in PAIN, or on hospice then we would've put a feeding tube in, in a heartbeat.

katyanne6

Aug 24, 2011

The point of Hpspice is to die with dignity. Dying of starvation is a peaceful death, not a painful one. If they have reached that point that they can't eat they aren't hungry and don't want to eat anyway. Will never forget a friend dying of cancer and her husband was insisting she eat. She finally told him "I can't eat!" He felt awful and had to admit he wanted her to eat to please him, knowing it would not change the eventual outcome. Her tearful reply helped him see how he was making her feel. Your Hospice should have helped you see this was the natural process and not an experiment in torture for your mom. God bless you for your loss.