How can I protect my children form their Grandfather’s illness while giving the grandfather time to spend with his grandchildren?

Grandfather has Parkinson's, right? Does he also have the dementia that sometimes accompanies Parkinson's?

What aspects of the illness do the kids need protection from?

Kids generally accept whatever they live with as normal. I recall once during a bad storm hearing my grandmother trying to locate my father by phone (loooong before cell phones!) and she described my dad to the store person by saying "he is handicapped -- he only has one eye." I was a young teen and I had never thought of my father in that way! So if grandfather shakes or drools or stumbles, the kids will probably just accept it.

If Grandfather sometimes says or does mean things, that is another matter.

Can you give us a little more detail?

He gets confused at times but doesn't have dementia. One aspect I am talking about are the ambulances that have to be at our home about every three months because he can't breath, or he has chest pain that needs care now because he has A Fib. Another aspect is that their Grandmother gets so upset, I understand her being upset, that she makes comments like Grandpa may not come home this time. I deal with the worry and the crying jags because they don't understand and are scared for their grandpa.

jeannegibbs - Oh, and I forgot to thank you in the last post for wanting to help me.

Oh. I see what you are dealing with. That must be very hard on you, let alone on young children. Grandma is perhaps preparing herself for the worst -- one of these times, Grandpa may not come home. And the worst may happen. When Grandpa leaves in an ambulance, does Grandma go with him? Does she say these upsetting things before they leave, or after she comes back?

When an ambulance has been called, would it be possible to separate the kids from the scene? If there are two parents present could one of you take the kids to their room, explain that Grandpa and Grandma need some privacy now while the helpers are coming, and calmly answer their questions? Yes, this is a sad time. We hope that the helpers can fix Grandpa like they have the other times they came. If you pray as a family, that might be a good thing to do. Or talk about what they like about Grandpa. Tell them how much Grandpa and Grandma love them, what they said when each of them were born, etc. Being with someone who is sad, who acknowledges that this is a serious time, but who isn't overwrought might be calming. Perhaps help them make a picture for each of their grandparents to show their love.

Is the ambulance scary to the kids? Can you find a book about emergency vehicles, and maybe a toy ambulance. Maybe understanding more about why a special van comes and what the helpers can do in it would make it less scary.

I really don't know. I'm grasping at straws here, trying to imagine back when my children were very young. I hope someone who has been in your situation will come along with more experience-based answers.

It sounds like most of the time the kids can interact with their grandparents without trauma, and that is a very good thing.

It is a good thing. I feel blessed most days. There are 2 parets and we do remove them from the situation and talk to them when we can. Most of the time when this happens my husband is at work and Grandma can't communicate effectively with the EMTs. The kids like the EMTs , one of the guys that "helps Grandpa" lives 3 house away from us but they now know that they may lose Grandpa. And, to answer when Grandma says this, its random, its when shes overwhelmed. We even had her say it 2 or 3 days after one of these situations. We love all invovled and want to help the Grandparents that understand what could happen next while protecting our 2 and 5 year old. Thank you for listening, I think that is what I really needed. I have an amazing husband but I hate to put him in a place where he has to listen to me vent about a situation that 90% of the time works well and we all enjoy.