How to protect mentally sick Mother from herself and scheming ex-fiance?

Contact Adult Protective Services immediately about the boyfriend. Also contact your county's Public Guardian office to haver your mother declared a conservatee if you are not planning to file for conservatorship. Her medical history gives you a real heads up towards getting her conserved.

As other have stated, being Guardian is a thankless job and requires ALOT from the Guardian. I have been my mother's Guardian for a little over 4 years and wouldn't have it any other way. My Sister's would have already robbed her blind. Yes, it gets tough at times, and I get tired, but God gives me the strength to still do what is right by our Mother. I lost my son suddenly a little over 2 years ago, but still haven't missed a beat in caring for our Mother and paying her bills through the tears and pain. All I have gotten was "I think this is good for you" from some of my siblings. They have no clue what it's like to lose a child, and I don't want them to. My parents knew what they were doing when they decided which child would do what. I am the one that will have no regrets. Good luck and act quickly. Your Mother In-law deserves better than being taken by a leach of a so called fiance or ex. If you don't stop him, he will be back.

Samlam,,,,Thank you for clearing that up! We have a backup at present, but after discussion this weekend, he is changing his back up. Mainly because I "tested" the back up last week. (which some of you thought was not to right). But, I wanted to make sure the backup will take care of my partner, as best as they can. The new back up has been begging us to move closer to them. They drive 8 hours straight thru just to see him for one day...They plan their family vacations around seeing him. (they have 4 children) and do this. The mother of the back up runs a Independent Care Home. The present back up, does not wish to be bothered with the "hard stuff" that goes with being a Trustee. The present back up told me that if I am thinking of leaving to make sure I sell the house first and find a care facility. Wow, she wants a perfect set up when she takes over. That is not possible! So, we are changing my back up this week. Not only that, but my Partner wants to make sure if I were to die, that my children get my share of the estate. Pretty nice guy... But he knows that it is only right that my children receive what I was to get.. As it stands now, the present back up is to get my share...Not to fair when she wants everything done when she takes over...And for goodness sake don't expect her to come and check on him often. After-all, My partner and I cared for her father to the end and she visited once every year for max 2 day, sometimes 2 1/2.. We only chose her due to her being the only DISTANT living relative. We did not think it out. Now we need to change it before it is too late. I am 73 and could die..Right? I want him cared for in a proper way.

Dear OregonGirl - When you do the Irrevocable POA; please remember to appoint a designated back-up should you be unable to fulfill your duties. If I remember correctly, (check with your attorney) a Revocable Trust or POA can be amended by an attorney; revisions to Irrevocable Trusts & POAs must be approved by the court. The laws on that may have changed, or maybe that's just CA.

Maybe this is my head cold talking - but I'm wondering why your husband (her son) isn't taking more of a lead in this. If my son saw this going on; he'd pull the guy aside and have a 'chat' with him. Of course - drawing up a good Trust & POAs etc., with proper appointments, ASAP goes without saying. Sooner the better.

Reading Cher's answer, I realize I need to get the revocable trust changed to a non revocable trust. There comes a time when it is necessary. It stops unscrupulous people from interfering with your mother's wishes... There is a reason a person eliminates someone from the trust (while they are able to).

I would hire an attorney ASAP. I don't think your mother's boyfriend can change anything. I know my Partner's trust can only be changed by him. If he were unable to reason and I changed anything, it would be revoked in a hurry. HOWEVER, the Healthcare power of attorney can be used if your mother's friend can find a doctor to sign a statement that she is unfit to make any decisions for herself.. A doctor does not wish to be involved in a lawsuit, so this decision will be documented by medical records...SEE AN ATTORNEY and bring all documents to him for him to review...Don't wait to create documents until she can no longer sign....

If you haven't had a doctor declared her incompetent yet get that done as soon as possible. Then change the ER point of contact to you and your husband. then get a Lawyer ASAP and file the necessary papers to get that POA and Guardianship. You want an IRREVOCABLE POA. Make sure you are listed at the hospital as Next of Kin as well because it gives you some power for decisions for her while she is there. I would also TELL the hospital that only "FAMILY MEMBERS" and her medical team is to be allowed access to her.

Dear Siren - Getting Guardianship, involves the court system and is VERY time consuming and expensive.

Your MIL is being psychologically bullied by this guy. Sometimes women, like your MIL, can't say 'no' to the men in their lives - but need (and are relieved when given) an excuse. (ie) "I would but I can't because it's in a Trust". And I think by telling you what she has about the relationship and this guy’s intent; it’s a cry for help.

If she’s cooperative - explain to her that you would like to see her protected from possible financial harm and get her to an Elder Law/Trust attorney asap. You can have things put into order in no time for much less than the guardianship route.

Apparently your husband doesn’t know what to do or he’d be more involved. But, as her son - he’s going to HAVE to get involved in a Trust arrangement. Good luck.

I hate to put it this way but in a sense you're lucky about the suicide attempts and hospitalizations -- that will give you a huge hand up towards getting legal control. Other people have to deal with people taking financial advantage of mentally or emotionally vulnerable but have a hard time getting the papers. Use the harsh realities of the situation to take it over, fast.

Speak with an attorney as soon as possible. It really sounds as if this fellow sees $$ and that's all. It's unfortunate but this happens more than we like to think. I hope you can assist before she loses everything.

Good suggestions all, but being in a similar situation I can say your are pretty much SOL unless you are prepared to spend big bucks on a lawyer and go for guardianship/conservator. The lawyer can obtain all necessary medical records needed to petition the court. Will you be satisfied if the court appoints a stranger to be guardian/conservator?
And yah... where DOES your husband stand on this?

Contact the doctors who have treated her at the mental hospital, along with a good attorney who specializes in family law. It would be good if this law practice had medical personnel on staff too. There is a fine line between a person who is "in love" to one who is incompetent, at which time a change in her power of attorney cannot be considered valid if she is incompetent.

Call Adult Protective Services immediately! Tell them this is an emergency situation and that you want a court appointed guardian and conservator put in place now! I suspect you do not know terms of the home sale contract until you do, you should have APS also stop any financial decisions!

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. FAST! Are you on the HIPPA, info list from hospital?

Again, you need a lawyer pronto.

Good luck and let us know how this goes.

If she is still a patient at the hospital, alert them to the boyfriend's behaviour and stress the potential for abuse. That will give you a breathing space. Given your MIL's mental fragility it would be difficult to establish that she has the capacity to give POA to either brother, even if she wanted to; so guardianship it is, but is either man sure he's prepared to take it on?

You mention the four year downward spiral, and you mention wanting to protect her, and you mention b/f's scheme to swindle the inheritance, and you mention that the sister she's planning to move in with is a bit of train-wreck. I don't see any mention of positive ideas from your husband or his brother about what they have tried or might do to help her. If they go for guardianship it means getting seriously involved. I'm just saying.

Get an IRREVOCABLE POA.... ASAP and take control

I should think the suicide attempt should be grounds enough for guardianship. Speak with an attorney and her doctor.