How do I prepare for my elderly parent coming to live with me today?

Hang in there the best you can. God provides the strenght for us. Some days are harder than others but if your mom has no dementia it won't be that bad. The things that make caregiving hard are when they can't take care of themselves. A couple suggestions that work for me right now: Meals on Wheels. this is a godsend as they bring mom her meals and I know she is being checked on and also fed on a daily basis. The meals are great and nourishing and very helpful when you are working full time. Plus, if you don't feel like making dinner after a long day of work, you mom has something to eat. I leave my mom things like jello and fruit cups, mini bagels and cream cheese, yogurt and single portion items that she can snack on during the day. The second thing we just did was install security cameras inside the house and we can monitor her during the day at work to see that all is ok. This is great peace of mind to see that she is ok during the day especially if she were to fall or something when no one is home. The most rewarding thing is the realtionship you will develop with your mom when she comes with you. Count yourself lucky to be able to have that. If it ever gets to the point that you need assistance there is a great deal available for the elderly so don't fret. And if she deteriorates over the years and you have to put her in a facility even though you promised you won't, don't beat yourself up about it. Things change and I promised my mom the same thing. However my mom has dementia and if it gets to a point that she can no longer function during the day or it affects my family or my health than that is something that has to be considered. Take one day at a time and you will be fine. This is a great forum for advice. Anything that might come up for caregiving can always be answered here. Good luck and keep us posted on your new journey. God Bless!

bonnieadams - my heart is breaking for you because I have been exactly where you are 2 1/2 yrs go. I WEPT when I left my house for the last time before I brought my mother home.I KNEW what I was giving up to bring her to my home, but I had promised to never let her go to a NH - and I am a woman of my word. Someone on this forum reminded me once that these promises we make to our parents are made with our emotions - not with our logic. (Its a bit like promising your fella you'll wait for him when he goes off to college), but the reality is that people and circumstances change over time and that keeping that promise might result in doing harm to yourself.

You have a job you love. I assume you NEED to work. Ask yourself what will happen if your caregiving for Mom makes this impossible. This happened to me

I gave up a 52K a year job to care for Mom. 21/2 yrs later Mom is gone (she died at home mid September) and I am without insurance and basically unemployable - no one is lining up to hire someone of my age (55). I am overquaified and too expensive.

I don't regret bringing my Mom here, but the truth is it left me financially devastated with little hope of recovery, and in poor physical health and with no health insurance to assist me. Knowing this, if I had it to do over again I would have moved heaven and earth to find another way to take care of Mom and myself.
There are far too many of us on this forum in your same situation. Some are still juggling the full time work and caring for Mom. Come on back and find the thread with support givers that will work best for you.

I take care of my Mother at her home. It is usually a good thing. I had a good job and home and possessions. I gave them all up to come and take care of her. Willingly! Sometimes it is hard to live by that decision. I am now almost 59. I do not feel I can get a good job any more. No insurance, no income. I am basically stuck. I have all I need. I cannot complain. But, I think other people have expectations of me getting a job and running Mom to the doctors, her clubs and her meetings. I do not have the energy to do all that any longer. I wish I did. If she hired a caretaker they would have to be paid. If she would have to go to the doctors, her help would be paid. I am tired of feeling guilty for living with my mother and feel like I am being judged. If you value your mother, give her your time and love. It is hard living like a daugher and not an adult. I try to take it one day at a time. Counselors are good to a point; they are human and counsel out of their experience or out of other peoples input. We sometimes need some objective thinking but ultimately we have to make our own decisions and live with them. Do what you can live with. That is just my two cents.

Good luck to you. Inhale quit saying, "I don't have a life," like it's a mistake that I have the situation I have, like life is supposed to be some "other" way. Odd as t sounds, it really, REALLY helped me quit arguing with reality and just be with life as it comes. There is less stress for me as a result. I'm about ten weeks into having my Dad move in. I've found that what also helps is not treating him like a guest. Just like I was fine saying "no" or "not now" to the kids when they were kids, I'm learning ti say that now. You love and good vibes!

I applaud you tremendously, I took my Mom home with me almost 4 years ago and when you sit by your Moms bed at night tucking her in, you will feel so at ease and wonderful! Its tough, sure it is, but so rewarding, so worth it! I used care.com and found help while I was working fulltime. I just retired due to Moms funding that ran out but I still have help here to give me breaks. She has enough SS so I get help now, its wonderful. Email anytime, you must be a wonderful person to do this , sacraficing, and doing it out of pure love.
Luvmom

Maybe a caregiver can help you...I am ready to help...just contact me my email add...jeanelumayno@yahoo.com...I am graduate of Nursing course and i am a registered nurse here in Philippines...