My parents want me to quit my job to care for them but I can't afford to. What should I do?

This is what happened to me over 10 years ago. I left a career I loved and now am tied down at home and suffering from caregiver burnout. Don't do it. I feel like my life is over, I have lost several friends because I can't leave the house. THey all go on vacation and out and I can't. I have aged and become very depressed. Save yourself and your family. Don't do it.

Please don't feel guilty about this. You have to work and your parents need to accept that.I realize that may never happen, but remind them and yourself that your are there for them and are willing to help as much as you can. Your child deserves to be a priority. Help them discover the least expensive ways to deal with their health needs even though it means using their nest egg. Use the programs that are mentioned in the previous answer. Is your father a vet? That may open the door for some services. You and your family deserve to have what you need as you try to help your parents, but it also sounds like you really want to help your parents. Frequently, there isn't a perfect situation or solution. I have found that caring and loving matters more than anything and perhaps your parents need to be reminded about that. Do you have siblings? Please stay in touch.Best wishes!

Just say no

It's difficult to still "have a life" while being a responsible caregiver. I have found that maintaining my career helps give me balance and is good for me emotionally. I love my aging parent with all of my heart. However, having been a devoted daughter all of my life, I try to remember that I too deserve the best life I can have while caring for my parent. If I were to give up my career to become a full-time caregiver, I would become so depressed and eventually resentful. This would not make me be the best caregiver I can be. Rather, I would lose myself and sink into a meaningless life. So I try to stay focused on keeping the balance in my own life while being there as much as I can for my parent. As my counselor told me recently, caring for "me" does not mean caring less for my parent.

Thanks to everyone for the comments. Things have gotten much worse now. My mother passed away in January 2011 and now my father is living with me, but he can't even go to the bathroom by himself. He needs constant care and someone to bathe him, feed him, dress him and be near him so he doesn't fall again. He has fallen about 5 times since January, and we are just a few feet away when he does. It has taken so long to find help, and much of the help is second rate. I've lost friends myself because of this and can't devote the necessary time to my family. I actually don't even want to be home. We get away once in a while for the weekend, and I dread going back, and I dread going back to my own beautiful home that my husband and I built ourselves. I've hired people through some agencies and have just about 24 hour care 7 days a week, and I still have to do too much because I can't find good help that isn't lazy. Some help is better than no help so I put up with it so far. I feel for all of you out there in the same position and now I know why there are nursing homes, it is just too disruptive. If my dad could take care of himself and I just had to cook and do light things for him, that would not be a problem at all, but this is like having a child that instead of growing up, will just deteriorate more and more. I am going to end up putting him in a home soon, but that breaks my heart also, but I am the only one taking care of him like many of you out there, and it is just too much for one person. Keep praying for guidance!!

If they are truly unable to care for themselves it is time for them to go to an assisted living place where they can still live together but have care. Do not give up your job. You can't afford it ...mentally, physically or emotionally. We let Dad move in with us when he no longer could live in a assisted living as his dementia became so bad he didn't know where he was and became scared. It was a nursing home or here. The nursing home was 7000 a month or free if they have Medicaid. If he becomes to the point where we are unable to care for him he will go to VA nursing home which is 5000 a month or based on your income.

Your parents are manipulating you; sad to say. My mother is more and more manipulating to my sister and I. We need to set boundaries on what I/you "can" do quitting your life is not an option. If @ all possible slowly bring a person in their home to help with shopping Dr.apts, etc..and tell them you will be their to help also. Weve done this she's not happy, but she needs to know we love them ....Like a child needs rules in affect.
My dad died in 2009 from ALZ. mom has Primary Progressive aphasia,with signs of dementia. It of course sucks. But we can't do anything more than we can do for mom/dad,I have 2 adult children @ home,they are my priority 1, mom is 2 I guess I find you and I at the bottom. You and I have to be assertive.

I am sorry to hear about your mother. I am in a simular case the only difference is my father has 3 other children who are not willing to sacrifice their life to help him. I know that it was our parents choice to have us but they stopped their lives to raise us, so why when they need us most do we turn our backs on them and say im not giving up my life for them? They took care of us while we were incapable to do it now is the time to show how much you appreciate your parents and take care of them when they cant do it themselves. I am a single mom who had my son at a young age and I gave up my youth to raise my son right, it would kill me if he didnt do the same thing for me when im old and cant take care of myself. My advise is before you do anything think of how you would feel if your child just put you away in a nursing home. I know all situations are diferent and it all depends on that situation on what you should do, so at the end of the day it all depends on what you choose is best for you and your father. Im sorry to say the "friends" you lost because of this weren't true friends cause I know most of my friends are by my side helping me out with my father. I have been taking care of my dad for almost 9 years and not one of my friends have left my side because i couldnt hang with them or go out. Instead they would come with me to take care of my dad or take care of him on days I couldn't. You dont need to do this alone I am sure you have good friends that will help if not you could always talk to me.

Angiema, You are truly blessed to have such good and available friends. I sure wish that was the case in my situation.

My mom lived in another state, so when she moved in with us and now in assisted living, none of her friends were, or are, available.

We also moved 7 years ago to another town. All of my friends now either work full-time out of the house or are full-time moms. No one but me is able to visit and take care of my mom's needs. Even though she is in assisted living, I am visiting every other day and on the off days shopping for the things she needs and wants.

My point is that most of us live in a very mobile society today. Kudos to you for having a close circle of friends that are able, and most importantly available, to help you. I don't think that I am in the minority in this situation.