I made the decision to move my husband to a nursing home, what now?

Getting past the guilt is the easier part-my Father's in your position with my Mom-we know it's the only option left-Dads' health is declining rapidly as he trys to do it all..Moms been very resistant to the idea that she&Dad need this.So now rather than lie to her about why she has to go to a nursing-home,Dads' decided to wait and see if she'll come 'round on her own.Unfortunately she gets very angry and combative with him to the point where she gets her way-99%of the time.I'm afraid she'll have a fall or something..have to go to a hospital and then staight to the N.H.
So knowing(that)this IS the BEST option for your loved one should ease your guilt some-I wish you the best:)

Donna, I am so sorry about your hubby. My husband and I just celebrated our 38th anniversary, and he also is a truck driver. Although he is NOT long haul ( he's LTL) I can not imagine seeing the man I've been with since I was 15years old, get so sick so fast, that alone is daunting. I have to ask myself if the roles were reversed what would I tell him to do with me? I would tell him that he needed help and that if in his judgment thought there was no other option but to put me in a nursing home, then I would trust him. So, give yourself permission to do this thing with a clean conscious. After all these years traveling together, raising kids together, loving each other your husband has got to have 'hands on' experience of knowing that you can be trusted. Doesn't mean he has to like it though, but not all decisions are going to be fun. So take a deep breath and tell yourself you're doing the right thing, and that you would trust him if the roles were reversed and NOT make him feel guilty either. You're supposed to have each others back right? Then this can be his way of having yours too.

Better check out that guilt that you say you have before you make the move. Is it possible to let him come home after he has been admitted?
Is it also possible for you to change your mind later...I mean three months from now? six months? How 'bout six weeks? Did you try added help in the house? Fast forward to the day of his death.....how will you handle this decision that you are making now?

Take him to dinner there. They are happy to do that for you. They usually will even let him come to some activites. This is so he can see it is not horrible and to become familiar with the place and people. That helped my mom a great deal.
You also can have him stay for a respite, as in staying a month to try it out. That is a daily charge and covers everything. Then you can set up the long term if you wish.

We have to put my mother in a nursing home and are trying to get her to get more testing to see if a Dr can diagnosis her to help us. We at this time are at a loss. She has more bad days than good.

Perhaps you migh try an Adult Daycare at first. Allowing him to socialize with others in similar medical or physical conditions. He will begin transitioning from home as much, then the permanent or temporary stay at the NH. Talk to him and get Power of Attorney over his healthcre, so that you will remain in total control over every decision regarding his healthcare. You may decide to take him out periodically from time to time for awhile. The Dr has made a recommendation, however, don't wait until the courts get involved or medical evaluations become a legal entity to involuntarily commit him, it will not be pleasant, nor in your control at that time. Try making his move a gradual one and don't forget to visit often and tell ALL his friends, family and acquaintences so that they can keep him company regularly. This will foster his environment and not make him sad or miss the life he has built. Once you give him all the support you can possible offer, making him as comfortable as you can, etc., the guilt will go away.

If it's the right decision, keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing, Donna. Guilt comes from a place where we think or doubt whatever we may be doing, or have done. Others have shared great ideas with you that will help you and your hubby ease into the change, rather than take a head-on plunge. However you choose to go about it, have confidence that you are on the right path. It has to be the right path if you can no longer manage to keep up with your husband's care. What you're saying is you need help. That is always the right thing to do when we get to that point. It still will be emotionally draining for both of you. There's no getting around the difficult emotions for some of us when that day comes. All the more reason that you need to ditch the guilt. Your decision is a normal life transition. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable with your husband by letting him know that you love him and want the best care for him. It's going to be hard, but it may help to keep it real.

I thank everyone for all the suggestions, some are usable, thanks
Friends? we dont have any, we have been over the road truckdrivers for all the years we have been together until he was forced off the road by the diabetes and doctor. The last 5 years I have worked in house and cared for him, my job was 50 miles away so the previous lifestyle and job location were not conducive to making friends. I recently moved him into the city for closer medical help and because we lost the house, the last 8 months have been a living nightmare.The company I worked for shut the doors bouncing paychecks 3 days before christmas, Jim had been hospitalized in Nov, Dec, again in Jan 10 for halucinations, I have been hospitalized 3 times since Nov for pnuemonia and stress.
We live on his tiny social security check, I am trying to work from home for another trucking company but it is commission only and not going well.
Most of the great suggestions will require funds, I am struggling to just put food on the table and pay for his medications. The kids do what they can but they are not much better off, our son is in college and working full time, our daughter has a 1 1/2 year old and another on the way, her hubby is working his tail off and trying to get into the military.
When I was working outside the home, I did everything in my power to keep home and work seperated, I did not discuss my personal issues at work, not the place for it.
We were told in 1990 he probably had 5 years to live, he was off work for 3 years from a trucking accident and the doctors had him on 28 different medications, he was a zombie, one day he said "if I'm going to die, I at least want to be awake for part of time" he quit all the meds and was able to return to work within 6 months. Amazing how the doctors had over medicated him to the point they were killing him. He still had some medical issues we dealt with thru new doctors and natural remedies until December 6 years ago when his diabetes and neuropathy sidelined him permanently.
During the last 5-6 years he has developed treamors, had 1 eye removed, lost all sight in the other, developed alzheimers, the neuropathy has taken all feeling from both hands and feet, the fancy medical test gave % of loss at 89% in hands and 97% in feet. He has had the hospitalizations for chasing butterflies and talking to his mom (she passed away when he was 17, he is 65 now) and seeing trucks parking in the bathroom.
I cant leave him alone and it is a huge production to make all the arrangements needed just so I can go to the store.
Our life together has been just that together, 24/7 for over 25 years living in a truck working together.
I really do appreciate the suggestions thank you all for letting me vent

I can see why you said there's no way you can keep up with his care at home. You are definitely doing the right thing, Donna! You are amazing. Don't forget how strong you are and have been regardless of how you may be feeling right now. When he is in a nursing home, you will be able to take a deep breath and better start taking care of yourself and balancing your life. You need to, and, you deserve it.

God Bless you, You do deserve a break. Please take care of you and let them take care of him. Then when you visit you both can enjoy it.
Thinking of you
Nita