What do I do when my mother finds fault with all of the caregivers?

Jun 18, 2009

carmen1tn,
My mom does this sometimes because she wants me not them to take care of her. I have just the opposite problem with one caregiver. She is a nurse and forgets to put mom's meds together, forgets to give her meds or gives the wrong ones. I am terminating her employ and my mother is upset with me because she really likes her. I had the dr. talk to mom about this, maybe it might help if an outsider talks to her. Sometimes they need to hear the facts from someone else. Good luck.
Linda

carmen1tn

Jun 18, 2009

Thanks Linda - as I write my husband is down there reasoning with her about the caregiver. I understand your concern about your Mom and you are doing the right thing - the thing I hate is starting all over with a new caregiver. Since I am a teacher and off for 5 or 6 weeks Mom is hoping I'll stay home. When we got home today she had been especially hateful toward the new girl. She can't do anything right. You are right about hearing the facts from someone else. I may have my doctor talk with her.

TheGrandChick

Jun 18, 2009

Oh, do I know abut this! My grandma doesn't believe she needs caregivers (even though all her family, friends, and doctors agree she does), so she doesn't even try to like them. Occasionally she likes one or two of them, but never the same ones! (That is, on Monday, she'll love the M-F caregiver and hate the weekend daytime person, but on Tuesday, she'll hate the M-F person and only want the weekend nighttime person!) So we can't even try to give in to her, because her opinions change daily, and because she can't/won't accept that even if we got rid of the ones she didn't like every time she complained, she'd still be stuck with new ones!

All of that said...her M-F live-in is taking a two-week vacation starting next week. Time for yet another brand-new caregiver! Wish us luck, and of course good luck to you, Carmen and Linda.

lovingdaughter

Jun 18, 2009

Hey,
I am not getting notifications that you have responded to this question. Strange. I am a retired teacher and I know about the coveted summer vacation time. Don't let her take that time away from you. You deserve it carmen! grand chick- My mom did this too. I told her that she had no choice and that she could make her life miserable or tolerable. I backed off and let the professionals take care of the matter. It worked. She became much nicer when she realized that I wasn't going to give up my life to sit by her side and watch TV all day! Good luck.
Linda

carmen1tn

Jun 18, 2009

Thanks Linda - I needed to hear that. I do feel bad for her but I am also at my wit's end because I know what she is doing is more personality than dementia. I know that this caregiver will probably quit. I get nervous thinking that school will start in 6 weeks or less and I have to have people in place.