My mom thinks I owe her because I am alive and was born...how true is this?

What is your mom looking for from you?

Your mom is not your obligation! You were not asked to be brought into this world. That was her choice. You take care of her because you are a good person. What about all the other family members who have "skipped town"? Wow, I hate these guilt trips. Don't listen! And I don't want to hear about your duty to care for your parents from others who don't understand the history of some of our families. You know what a great person you are and so do those of us who have shared our stories. You have my full support and I am glad to call you a friend!!!!!
Linda

Your mom is free to think whatever she wants, right? Just like we are. The choice comes in what you think about that. How you act or react to what she (or anyone else) thinks? You do what feels best and right for you. And let her be free to think and say and feel what she wants. The less you fight her (or anyone), the less you argue, the less you allow someone to make you feel a certain way you don't want to feel, the less they will. We can never change other people by telling them how we wish they were or how we want them to be. We can only change how they treat us by how we are - how we act - the words, actions, expressions, and tones we use. When she says that, don't respond. Tell her you have to check on something on the stove or use the bathroom or whatever - leave that space for a moment so you don't get involved in having to hear those hurtful words. She'll get the hint eventually. If she wants you near her, with her, she'll know not to say those things that upset you. I love that song "live like you were dying" because it is a splash of ocean water on a sun-warmed face - waking us up to the reality that all we all have is THIS moment. In a split second THINGS - EVERYTHING - ANYTHING can change. Let your mom say and do and be. You are responsible for yourself and if it is in your heart to love her and accept her and care for her unconditionally, then that is what you will do. You can only change yourself and how you choose to act, react, think, be.

I love that song to I use it on MY space. You are to honor your mother that is all God says as for owing her anything no you do not did she ever feel like she owed you something just because she brought you into this world? Probably not! Don't let her push your buttons but don't shut down either. or you will end up like some of our deadbeat siblings. Listen to this

He who does nothing accomplishes everything

Do not react when you do you plug into her energy just think and than respon if you have to sometimes I just don't say anything I just think much.\, Good luck to you

Caregiver 101, I couldn't have said it better. I agree with you. It's hard to re-program yourself and sometimes that is what we have to do. I am trying, despite my guilt and other feelings, to act and not adrgue or try to convince otherwise. I love my mother and I care for her in my home. I wouldn't have it any other way but I have had to change and give me the same kind of care I give everyone else. My friend said that if I treated my friends the way I treat myself I wouldn't have any.

Hang in there Lost Soul.

Wow! Carmen, are you being too hard on yourself? Your Mom is so fortunate that you love and care for her. We're all on the learning curve, here. Grace. Peace. You have more friends and people who can relate than you know. But sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, so we're told. Bless you. Aren't we all just doing the best we can? Have any arrived at perfection, save one?!

Why do mom's do this sort of thing to their children? It's as if the main reason they even have babies is to have someone to tell you owe men and look after me when I get old or some go so far as to make the child live their entire lives at home which is a miserable way to exist. I've heard of mothers who have told their children, why do you want to or need to get married for we can meet all your needs.

If you are still at her home, get out and get a life. If she's in your home, it sounds like she needs to get out and get a life. How are her demands impacting the rest of your life?

Thats how both my parents were as long as I did what they told me and paid them every week everything was okay but the minute I wanted a life of my own life turned to hell. My mother in law went so far to say to a person she didn't have to ride a bus for them to go shopping thats why she had me sorry lady you didn't give birth to me but I did take care of her when she neded it. Just do what you know you are capable of and still have a life and even then there will be uprises. and when you can't handle it anymore than they have to go to the nursing home, I know there are some who are not so good but if you pop in as I did all during the week on no specific time or day they will get better treatment.

Do not respond when she says things menat to hurt or obligate you.
Ignore those remarks completely. Take the conversation in a different direction, as if she's never made the hurtful remarks.
Alternatively, get up and leave pleasantly, with or without giving
her a reason for your departure. She will know what you're doing.
Sort of like training a pet: do not reward negative or attention-getting behaviors by showing anger, dismay, sadness, etc.

IF YOU COULD GO THROUGH WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH YOU WOULD JUST SMILE AND SAY YEP I LOVE YOU MOM BUT I HAVE A LIFE. I HAVE GIVEN AND GIVEN TO MY FAMILY, MOM, DISABLED BROTHER AND 2 MONTHS AGO, GUESS WHAT, I WAS TURNED IN TO ADULT PROTECTIVE FOR ABUSING MY MOTHER. NOT PHYSICALLY MENTALLY. SHE HAS SHORT TERM MEMORY AND HAD PHONE CALLS TO BE AT DOCTORS OFFICE. SHE COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE SHE WAS TO BE GOING. AND SHE HAD MICE IN HER HOUSE CAUSE SHE LEAVES FOOD OUT. I TOOK PHONE OUT OF HER ROOM AND SAID MOM IF YOU CAN REMEMBER WHO CALLED OR WHERE TO GO I WILL TAKE THE PHONE CALLS. AND I AM FACING CHARGES. SO IF I COULD DO IT OVER. I WOULD HIRE HELP, SPEND HER MONEY AND LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THE GUILT. ENJOY LIFE IT IS SHORT.