Mom is 88 years old and can't walk except with a walker. She lives in her house alone. Won't move even if she could afford to. I feel responsible for fixing her problems since she has no one else except my brother who won't do much, He takes her to the doctor or once in a while will get her something from the drugstore. Here are a few examples: Mom put her robe in the hamper to be washed. Then couldn't find the other robe (she can't wear nightgowns). Its winter in Maryland and she is always cold. Won't turn up heart cause of cost. So she went to bed wearing a shirt and underpants until the woman who washes the clothes washed the robe. I told her I'd buy another robe, get it hemed and mail to her. I live 1 1/2 hours away and won't drive the beltway. Then she is upset that she doesn't have many stamps left and she has bills to pay. Brother won't come over for a while and she needs stamps. I go buy her stamps and mail them right away. Bit upset that the stamps might be lost in mail, they were once before. Anxious until she calls and said stamps arrived. Then dishwasher won't work. She has COPD and is hard for her to have to wash dishes by hand. Woman who helps mom by washing clothes won't do it, brother won't was dishes. So she has to she says. She won't leave dishes in sink and do a little at a time. I'm worried that she will have physical problem, get sick, something. She won't buy new dishwasher until brother researches it and picks dishwasher he wants her to get. He has personality disorder and she is co-dependent with him. I'm thinking should I drive over and measure the dishwasher and buy one and come back when it is delivered. That means upset and difficult mom and yelling brother each visit. And mom telling me she has to live with brother not me. He will keep complaining and drive her crazy about me buying dishwasher. He stays at her place three or four days a week. I could go on and on. The stress is really getting to me.
Some folks on here have parents who they WISH would stay safe and use the walker - or do whatever small chores they can do. I don't see why Mom can't stand at the sink with the walker in front or in back of her and do the dishes. it sounds like brother, though he sets limits on what he's willing to do that seem unreasonable to us working gals...but he's basically got her back too. If you are terribly worried about her falling, get a Lifeline.
My Dad had been fussing over the fact he needed a haircut. Two or three weeks isn't going to make a difference. It's not like he's going to speak in front of Congress or anything. We'll get to it once there is an opening in our schedule.
Good heavens, Hadnuff, your brother won't wash dishes? Goodness, he won't drown :P
Now if brother and the aide both agree it does not work, and it is over 8 years old, just make a phone call and get it replaced. Simple. Done.
"I don't have stamps to pay bills" is not a "problem" of the same magnitude as "my front window is broken and cold air is rushing in". So the first thing to do is determine the urgency of the problem. Match the urgency of the response to the urgency of the problem. Some things might require a 911 call. Some just a soothing reassurance. It sounds to me like the responses you describe are very appropriate. Not having a robe to sleep in for a few days might seem like a crisis to Mom, but you are presumably more stable and less anxious, so saying soothing things and sending her another robe is a very nice response. Just don't let it engulf you emotionally. It is just a garment to sleep in. No Big Deal.
Stamps arriving or not should not be a big matter of anxiety for you. You did what you could do, and, oh well, we'll see what happens. If brother can't be bothered to drop of some stamps, then brother should really not expect to have a say in now "problems" are resolved. Setting her bills up on autopay makes good sense. My bank offers that for free.
These kinds of things are going to continue to come up. That is life. You are handling them well now, and I suspect you will continue to. You need to relax your own anxiety level. Mom sleeping in a shirt for a few days, Mom washing dishes by hand or dishes piling up in the sink, stamps in the mail, all these things are not worth the emotional energy you are investing in them.
You are doing fine! Congratulations.
Setting = something