Does anyone else feel like their life is disappearing in an effort to take care of their aging parent?

that's funny you said that... I just about had a nervous breakdown today feeling the same exact way!!

I know what you are going through. My 86 year old mom has lived with my husband & I since 2003, we had been only married 3 1/2 years at that time. I was able to continue working until 2007. She became pretty much bedridden & in diapers, so I had to quit my job of 16 years as a veterinary technician. We couldn't get away much at all without putting her in a home which is very expensive. She just had a another near death experience which put her in the hospital then a nursing home rehab facility. We had a nice 2 month break, but now she's back home on Hospice Care and she needs even more care since she now legally blind & can't always feed herself.
Is your mom ill enough to seek Hospice Care, if so you get 5 days of Respite Care at least once a month and a volunteer to sit with her 4 hours per week or sometimes more..

Thanks for the info. Mom is not ill enough for hospice. she uses a walker to get around but needs help bathing, dressing, preparing meals etc. I take care of the home, bills, petcare, meal prep, shopping, just everything. When I am at work I have a caretakers stay with her during the day but she is never happy with them She has gone through 5 different caretakers since last November.

She gets mad at me and tells me to get out her house. I can't afford to move out because I can't afford to hire the caretakers she needs if I were to move out. She treats me like hired help. She never sees or understands that I have sacrificed my entire life to care for her.

I get very depressed because I know the situation will only get worse as her disease progresses. I know I have days ahead that will be like yours. I tried going to a counselor and all she can tell me is that I have to treat her as an irrational 3 year old. She may be childlike in her behavior but you can't respond to her like you would a child.

Thanks again for your info.

I know exactly how you feel. My life has been put on hold indefinitely. I sometimes feel so quilty, because I get resentful from being so confined, but then at other times I feel so blessed that I am able to repay my mother in some way for everything she did for me. I think all these feelings are normal. The worst ones are when I get all sorry for myself and just sit in my pity pool all day. I don't know how long you've been the caregiver for your mom, but I can tell you that time helps a lot. I have adapted to the confinement with time and you can actually get a lot done with the extra time. One thing is sure, I know that I will never regret taking care of my parents when they needed me.

I agree I know it!- I know it very well. I sympathize with all of you. We are all in the same boat. Glad that there's this website I can vent my angst and frustration. I am sandwiched & torn at all sides. Let's just pray that God Almighty will provide the relieve for all of us exhausted & depleted financially caregivers. He is the real and only lasting answer to this predicament.

I have just found this site and have to admit that it is a relief to read that I am not alone.My mother is ambulatory, but between mini-strokes that continue to take away more of her cognitive abilities, her ongoing physical issues (colostomy, no thyroid, high BP, etc) and the continual resistance and arguements she puts forward, I often feel stressed and exhausted. I love her, but I just wish this time would come to an end. The only piece of advice that I feel I can offer is first I have found stretching exercises, listening to music (via ipod) and reading when she is asleep to provide small islands of relief. I also try to not focus too much on the caregiving situation and just tell myself to keep my efforts in "auto pilot"...meaning keep moving forward. This keeps my energy levels from becoming too depleted or my mood too depressed. We are all in a situation that we have little control over, therefore I work on trying to not let the feelings of being overwhelmed take over. My matra has become "it is what it is".

Wow! I was shaking my head "yes" to your statement, when I read more on your situation and the others. I must admit I feel guilty now since I don't seem to have near all the demands that you all seem to! I can still empathize though. My Mom still lives in Assisted Living, but in the last few years the couple of times I have tried to travel even a couple of hrs away, I have been called back for some crises or another. I am finding it hard to deal with the resentment I feel for other family members that won't help and who were able to go to my recent brother-in-law's funeral in another state. Noone questioned whether I could go since my "job" is to take care of Mom. It's true that I wouldn't have felt comfortable going and leaving her for that long (I still do alot for her on a pretty daily basis), but the fact that it was assumed was hurtful. My Mom is still one of my very best friend's and I treasure the time I still have with her at 89. She is still sweet and appreciative fortunately most of the time. But lately, I have had a few good "pity parties" and then feel much guilt afterward since I know that my time with her is drawing to a close. Guess I'm definately feeling the whole "sandwich generation" thing since the needs of myself, my husband and my 20-something children are secondary right now. Thank goodness I've finally found a place that I feel comfortable venting! To all of you who are full-time caregivers, I'm in awe of you and am hoping to learn thru your selfless examples!

I am new to the site in searching for other people that feel like I do. I take care of my 84 year old mother at her home full time. She has alzheimers. I go in circles all day with my feelings, at first I feel sorry for her, then I am galed I can take care of her for all she has done for me and my chdren. This is how I can pay her back. Then I hit the resentful stage earlier and earlier each day as her illness progresses. I hardly ever get out of the house and am feeling alot of depression latly where I just want to run away from it all. My brother lives very far away and tells me if we put her somewhere we will lose everything. So I feel obligated to keep her at home, which in reality I really want too but the constant questions all day the same ones, unable for her to understand anything you say etc. Is driving me crazy, she never wants to go to sleep and certain sleeping pills make things worse. If I want to talk on the phone my only outlet, I hear I wish you would come in my room and talk to me, but in reality I do talk to her all day she does not remember and she will stand outside my bedroom door and stare at me and get mad and angry like I am to drop everything all day long for her! I will stop now I am sure I sound childish about some of my stuff, and hopefully by going to this site and talking to others and finding a support group, it will help all my feelings or at least learn to cope better and know I am not alone, I have been doing this for about two years or so and prob waited to long for suport, but its not getting easier for me. Thanks

Thank you for your comments and feedback. I too feel the pressure of being a caregiver for mom. It is challenging most of the time. I do what I can. The problem is that my own health isn't the greatest. My doctor wants me to really take care of myself. Otherwise, I won't be able to care for mom or anyone else.

Me again My mother too, has a colostomy that she refused how to learn to change it so that is my responsibliity and you never know when one might burst. I have to give her all her meds she has no idea which ones to take. Can not remember how to use any kitchen appliances except the toaster. Never gets dressed for the day says she does nt feel like it. She is a very depressing person to be aroung all day. I have notices tho when I keep my site of God and keep my faith strong my life does go much better, I to have pitty parties instead of trusting God first that there is a reason I am here, I just not sure what all of it is yet, except to make me more humble and lean on him more. But a good sleeping pill for my mom that won't make her crazy wwould be nice any suggestions out there. Thanks again. And for the belivers out there please pray for me.