Why do I feel so isolated from my family, friends, and life caring for my mom?

Jontur, you are not alone. Alot of ones here have or are going thru this feeling of isolation. I personally feel this way. I found this site and let me tell you it has helped. I have connected with others who understand exactly what is going on and understand my feelings. This in itself has helped alot with my overwhelming feelings of being alone. Its such ashame when you have other siblings that won't help. But that is their problem and in the end they will have to deal with the guilt. You are a wonderful human-being to look after your mother and daughter, allowing them the quality of life to remain at home. Don't ever feel that you have to choose. Just learn to prioritize your caregiving between the two. Some days will be hard, honestly. But think as positive as possible. Pat yourself on the back. You will get strength from a higher power to make it thru each day. Come back here often to vent. No one will judge you. We are all in this together. The caregiving community is very supportive.

Yes, I related to your circumstances and lately I've actually been feeling lonely. I have a 30 year old son who is special needs so I know how exhausting it is taking care of an adult child and elderly parents. Fortunately we have caregivers who are here Monday through Friday during the day. Right now I'm stealing time for a nap while they're here so I'll be able to manage taking care of everyone later today.

Thank you for your comments. I didn't realize completely how much all the caregivers out there have in common. It's like reading something I wrote about what i was going through but it's someone elses feelings.. wow. I think this site will be of great help and support..Thanks all

I just read your ? And your story. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that u r not alone. I know you feel that way, but u aren't. I realized that so many of us have made the commitment to care for one or both of parents. It is so stressful, but even when there is a bad day, I wouldn't change caring for my mom. Maybe there is a reason, a higher reason. Maybe this has not helped, or maybe it has. Just know that there r others who care. We r not alone.

Jontur, I'm not the first to tell you that you are not alone. But let me be the first to say that you are taking the high road, a path with rewards you can't even see from here. If you ship everybody off to group homes and make them someone else's problem, and then go get a job with a fat paycheck and a company car, your life would be much easier. But you would experience a soul-death from which you might never recover. The time, energy, effort and emotion you put into the care of your special-needs loved one are worth everything they are costing you. Your care recipients may or may not ever thank you for all you do. At the end of your life, and if you witness the passing of your loved ones, you will know I'm right. I've got 17 years experience with my wife and mother-in-law(in wheelchairs), my mother (going blind and deaf) my step-dad (dementia) and my oldest brother (don't ask). I've got my third hernia, a bad back, blown knee and arthritis in both hands, and I wouldn't change a minute of it. That's the only attitude I can find that doesn't leave me suicidally depressed. Instead, I feel like the luckiest guy alive.

The reason you feel alone is because you are in your situation. That being said, you are not the only one strugging with this as we are here for you as support and a sounding board. I, too, am caught in the middle, and I'm struggling to get grips with the truth. Last Thursday, when mother fell, and all the pills I had separated the night before were scattered on the floor and I could not lift her up by myself -- that was a defining moment of reality. Luckily I caught someone at home to come give me a hand, but otherwise, i'm the sole caregiver. It hurts tremendously that my sister-in-laws, don't want to hear about it. perhaps because I might ask for help -- I don't know, but today and this past week I've been trying to deal with the hurt and frustration of it all too. This all proves that we are alive and our lives are full -- believe me.

Oh, and another thing --- I'm in the process of re-evaluating my friend base since they don't understand or respect whats really going on, and am focusing on those like us -- i think this is where your support needs to come from

Are you in a position to hire some respite help? If you could get someone in a few times a week for a few hours, it would allow you to get out and have some time away from the stress. Perhaps your siblings might contribute to that, since you are bearing all of the responsiblity?? You might look on Care.com for someone with a background check, that you can trust to look after both your daughter and your mom for a few hours a week. It could mean a huge difference to you. It seems there is always one child in the family who has to do it all.............I know it is overwhelming and exhausting. Your family should give you some kind of assistance.

Hi Jontur, I'm glad you found this forum and us. In my family I am the one who takes care of everyone also, I'm on my 3rd parent. It's good to come here and talk. It helps to just have someone to listen to us without criticizing or judging us. Our siblings should help but in almost all cases it's one of us in our family that cares enough to do anything about them. It was a good suggestion to see if you can get respite care one day a week even if it's only for 4 hours or so. It would give you a little breather to just go see a movie, go for a walk, or window shopping, just anything to have a few hours where you are away from the constant needs or demands. A Social Worker should be able to help you or you could just google your zip code and respite care and find what's available in your area. If you need to just vent or connect with others on a daily basis come over to the "grossed out" thread and join us there. :)

No, you are not alone. I am an only child caring for my Mom with cancer. I moved her in with me 2 years ago. I totally understand the sacrifices you are making. There is not much help out there for caregivers. Mom's doctor did approve home health, which was a Medicare service and free for us. They sent a nurse once a week, a lady to bathe her once a week, and a physical therapist to help her regain balance and strength. If your Mom or daughter could qualify, that really was a help. Of course, it only lasted about 6 mos and then you have a period where Medicare won't pay for a few months. But you can re-qualify. I didn't get my life back but is sure helped out. Don't know what to say but hang in there. This is the toughest job I've ever had. But this site helps you know that you are not alone and thoughts you have are shared by others.