Where do I find inspiration for my own old age?

Wow..I can so relate to you. I am 3 years younger than you. I lost my dad to stroke and age related dementia in January of 2010 and now my 85 year old mother is headed into dementia as well. I have been thinking exactly the same as you....I don't want to get like that. Yet probably again like you, I know I was and am extremely lucky to have had my dad for 93 years and mom is still mostly functioning on her own although we just moved her to a seniors lodge. Quite honestly, longevity seems to run in mine as well as your family and it scared the heck out of me!! LOL

A person could drive themselves into an early grave worrying about this stuff. What if I get cancer? What if I have a stroke? What if I end up with Alzheimer's? The list goes on and on. The way I look at it is:1- first I make sure my soul is right with God so I know exactly WHERE I'm spending eternity 2- I take care of this body (that will eventually poop out) as much as possible, but I realize that I don't really have any control, only God does 3 - I spend as much time as the Lord allows me to have, making a difference wherever I can. And fourthly I acknowledge that the God who knows how many hairs are on my head, has my days numbered and won't let anything happen to me until He gives the OK. I know it sounds kinda simple, but it gives me a great calmness knowing that the One that created me has it all figured out.

I realize I have no control over this so I do try to take good care of myself, both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who tends to worry about things in general! It's certainly not taking over my life, but I can wake up at night and find my thoughts traveling to places I'd rather not go (ha ha).

naheaton, I envy your strong belief. I wish I felt that certain. I also spend a fair amount of time adding God into the equation, but I honestly don't feel as certain as you. In the end, I think, there is either an afterlife or there is nothing. I do think about that, but mostly I'm concerned about the next 20 years, or more precisely, the end of the next 20 years! And, yes, I realize I can only do so much.

I guess I wish I had an Andy Rooney in my life or who was the woman who was still riding horses when she was 90. I'd like to meet some elderly people who are still "with it" and perhaps have some good things to say about their lives. My mom has dementia and she's actually pretty happy, but I can tell that old age is really hard on my dad. He's frustrated by the things he can't do well anymore and constantly talks about his latest ache. Now, I'm hearing about how his brain isn't working right anymore. I feel his frustration, but I wish he could be more positive because it's depressing being around him and my mom.

I don't have to wait till I get older than dirt to have a bad memory. I'm seeing that now. How many times can a person go into a room and not remember where or why they were going there in the first place? Oh my gosh!! I got a birthday card yesterday that says: "Ever notice the older we get, the more we're like computers? We start out with lots of memory and drive, then we eventually become outdated, crash at odd moments, acquire errors in our systems, and have to have our parts replaced." Boy isn't that the truth?? I tell ya, if you can't laugh about this age thing at some point, then you might as well just roll over and die. hahaha You're NOT alone. We're all in this thing together.

I know what you mean. And, my husband and I do laugh about a lot of things (including my parents)! Also, I try to put things into perspective. I think most people don't want to be like their parents on some level. Recently, my 92 year old mother said the same thing about her own mother, even though I know how much she loved her! What a surprise. Maybe it's our struggle to separate.

Right now I'm very fortunate that (because of my dad) my parents are still quite independent. Still, being around them on a regular basis gives me a good dose of reality. I notice my brothers aren't nearly as bothered because they don't live nearby so don't see all the little things.

I tell myself I'm going to do better than my parents because I have to. My husband and I don't have kids so it's going to be up to us to make sure we get the care we need. I don't necessarily have a problem with forgetting some things and slowing down, but my biggest fear is I'll be peeing and pooping in my pants and grossing everyone out. I'll smell bad and I won't know it because my own sense of smell will be bad. I'll keep wearing the same clothes over and over again, even though there are stains down the front from where I spilled food and didn't notice.

I remember my mom saying to me, when she still had it together, to make sure I told her if she smelled bad or had messed up her clothes. Now, she doesn't seem to care.

Don't some elderly people continue to dress nicely and take care of themselves? Don't some continue to be interesting and interested in what's going on? I'd just like to witness some positives out there!

I saw an old lady in the grocery store the other day. She obviously cared how she looked since she was dressed really nice. Problem was, her bright red lipstick was smeared pretty bad, and her drawn on eyebrows looked like Mr Spock's on Star Trek. So I guess it's all relative I guess. :)

Ha ha! That sort of helps. Did you talk to her? Did she seem to know where she was?!

Well, I don't know if I am in the category you would call elderly, lol, but I am 74 and I plan on riding horses again. After years on my own, and some encouragement and guidance from my daughter about 3-4 years ago I started dressing differently - not that I dressed badly before but I was more matronly. My daughter told me I had a "bod" and to show it off more. I bought straight leg jeans, camisoles, and cute dresses and joined online dating sites. Even the guys at work noticed. I met lots of men of all ages - oh my goodness I have some stories there - a 23 yr old!!! - and was not totally prepared for them, but learned quickly how to handle various situations. Finally 2 1/2 years ago I met a very nice man of 60 and we are an item and planning for permanent. He breeds horses for a hobby and I am learning to "read" them and feel comfortable around them and can call myself a wrangler. I have chased herds of horses through fields of clover!Two years ago we went tenting in the mountains, I hadn't been in a tent for years. I expect we will again, I have formed a bond with one of his mares and want to ride her - the last time I rode was over 50 years ago. Oh yes, I retired from teaching college when I was 73. I could have kept teaching but my 99 yr old mother needed more attention. She did volunteer work in Haiti for 6 months of the year till she was 86. I have a few health conditions -fibromyalgia for example, which are a pain - literally - but I can still do things though at a slower pace. I am considering getting a personal trainer to build myself up. For me, in many ways, my life began again at 70. :)

I heard it said by our local expert on again, Dr. Lipschitz, that there are two kinds of elders - those who stay active and involved, and those who don't. My parents were, sadly, definite type twos as their health went down hill and really did not do a lot of joining in with clubs, etc other than sporadically when they were more middle aged. They tended to quit over any kind of disagreement or perceived slight or deficit.

I also don't want to be like that! OK, I'm going a little overboard trying to leverage current medical knowledge to manage my health better than my ancestors...hardly a day goes by that I don't Google something on antioxidants, insulin resistance or estrogen receptors...I'm on yet another diet...but the main thing I'm planning on doing is staying active and involved, like the older folks in my Kiwanis club. Some of them that I admired the most - the WWII vet who quit golfing at 90 because he was unhappy with his game, but took it back up again once he realized there was a chance he could shoot lower than his age - the guy who hit the pavement and sold more tickets to our fundraisers than the rest of us put together til about the same age, after giving his wife the best care in the world for a couple of years after she had a stroke - have gone on now, but they all "lived 'til they died." (As in the lovely refrain to an old Irish dirnking song, "if the whiskey don't git me, I'll live 'til I die!")

So, I'm not sure if I'm telling you to join Kiwanis or some other group that inspires you (though you may want check it out, it really is a pretty cool service club - http://www.kiwanis.org - maybe it's that focus on "Serving the Children of the World" that keeps us young) or not too drink too much whiskey, but seriously, make a decision to stay connected and involved, be accepting rather than perfectionistic about what you can and can't do, and figure out who you can trust to take care of you the way you want in case you ever need it. Do your best, let God do the rest - don't worry about it if you have really done what you can. That Faith thing means a lot to me too...but faith or no, just worrying without doing what you can won't help anything, and what you can't do, well you can't do it!

PS to emio - the personal trainer is a great idea...and don't forget to wear a helmet when you're riding again!

Wow...I so relate to this. In fact it has been a stress point for me the past year. I retired to care for my parents. Dad died last year at the age of 94. Mom is slowing down, but still fairly alert (reading from an ipad) at the age of 90. Longevity is in my family. There have been cases of dementia, but for the most part as with both parents there is clarity. One day my dad said, "I'm tired." He was gone three weeks later. Sorry I am going on so.

My concern is what will I do at their age? And I am not married. It is scary. And financially is another major concern. geez.

I am saving this page since I am in the middle of the Christmas rush, but I want to read the responses.

Thank you so much for voicing my concern. And I have to agree with one thing. I do think that people do forgot the elderly, visitors do decrease as my mother's mobility has become limited. Sad.