I have been married to my husband with Alzheimer's for 40 years and yet he routinely asks where am I or says that he is waiting for his wife. How can I cope?

JD:

Sounds to me like he's at Stage 6: severe cognitive decline
(moderately severe or mid-stage Alzheimer’s disease). At this stage, memory difficulties continue to worsen, significant personality changes may emerge, and affected individuals need extensive help with daily activities.

He may, for example, (1) Lose most awareness of recent experiences and events as well as of their surroundings; (2) Recollect his personal history imperfectly; and (3) Occasionally forget the name of their spouse or primary caregiver.

To be absolutely sure, have him evaluated again. Don't forget to ask the doctor to give you an idea as to what to expect so you can be prepared.

Wish you the best JD, and keep us posted.

-- ED

Ed is probably right about the physical side, but it seems you mean the personal hurt of not being remembered. For your husband's sake, when he asks for his wife, tell him she will be here soon. For your sake, remind yourself of the marriage you shared. His forgetting things has nothing to do with the reality of all you shared and loved and had together. Hold on to those memories. Those are real things that happened and made you happy - they are no less now just because you can't share them. I hope the happy memories keep you good company.

My mom went through this with my dad for about 12 years, he would get mean and tell her she might be "someone's wife" but she sure wasn't his...........this nightmare ended in 1995 when he passed away, I have no advice for you ther than to hang in there. I'm terribly sorry about you situation.

I think that some supportive, cognitive therapy would be helpful and timely for your daily survival.

My Brother and his wife had the same problem. He would recognize younger pictures of her, but not the present. They got her a badge with her name, old photo and recent photo on it.

LISA:

Great suggestion!!!.

This is a tough problem and you have received many great suggestions. My main advice would be to reach out for help and keep reaching out to friends, professionals, support groups, on line support, family, church or religious organization and even strangers. Tell your story, ask for advice and do your grieving. Dementia creates horrible losses for all touched by it.

Carol
Inside Aging Parent Care

Dealing with and loving someone with Alzheimer's can be very devastating ,especially when they get to the point where they don't recognize you anymore .However, you must rejoice in the good times (though they may be few and far between ) . There will be days when he knows exactly who you are and days when he couldn't pick you out in a crowd , but the best thing you can do is laugh , laugh ,laugh . Enjoy this time together and don't take everything so seriously . Try to see the lighter side of things . -------- My dad suffered from Alzheimer's and sometimes he didn't know who my mom ( his wife of 45 yrs.) was , but the days before she passed ( cancer) he knew exactly who she was and even remembered times from when they first met .------------Also , if you are a praying woman ,pray ,pray ,pray ,pray and pray some more . God will definitely carry you through these rough times .-------------- God Bless

Perhaps this video that I found for you will be of some support~
Click here: Jan's Story: A Love Lost to Alzheimer's - CBS News Video -or check out online----another suggestion, is to try to go to the Alzheimer's Spouce-website
Last, but not least get as mush support as you can-like through the Alzheimer's Association-or call them at their hotline numver-which is (800) 272-3900.
If possible DO NOT forget to take some ME TIME---as it may help with your caregiving journey.
Best~
Hap (Please get back to us in this forum)

Mom is the same way. Trying to remind them or arguing with them only makes it worse. Just go along with him and cherish the times he does remember you. He will at times be living in the past, and think he is much younger than he is, therefore, he would not know you. Try not to take it personally. maybe your local hospital has a support group that you can go to and discuss your feelings with people who are going through the same things and you. It can help you to understand and accept what is happening.