I agree with all the others that have answered. Tell him if he can't say nice things, people shouldn't have to listen and walk out of the room. i think he only wants an audience. All the best.
My grandpa has dementia and I'm his full-time caregiver and he always says inappropriate or rude things to myself and others. If he doesn't like what I'm asking him to do, like shower, he yells at me and tells me to get out of the house, then five minutes later he's saying how much he loves me! Also, whenever I take him out he tends to say rather rude and/or crazy comments, such as telling the nurse that he smokes pot?!?!? My grandpa was never like this until the dementia came on full force. There's no filter and when he says something inappropriate I apologize to whomever is there, sometimes I just do it in advance. I agree with Ferris1, you didn't give us that much info, but just know you're not alone! Fill us in more if you could!
This was a problem in the early stages of dementia. Church friends and casual acquaintances would ask how my husband was and he would launch into how terrible he was and comments about "his mean ol wife". I usually stepped behind him and crossed my eyes and smiled. They got the message. On a few occasions I smiled and said I promised not to believe what he said about them if they wouldn't believe what he said about me. We would laugh and move on. Never ever recognized his comments except to say "that was't very nice" or "that hurt my feelings". Never dwelled on the comments. Hopefully this will be a phase and pass.
Maybe dad is depressed or has some dementia or some other medical issue going on that causes him to say nasty things. He probably could use a full work up by his doctor. He may just be unhappy that he is living with you and not on his own and unhappy that he is in a wheel chair. Sounds like everyone has had a lot of changes. Maybe dad needs an antidepressant. If this behavior has come up rapidly then maybe he has a UTI or some other medical issue. If he has dementia then he may not be able to recognize his behavior and may not be able to stop. If he does not have dementia then I'd tell him that behavior is inappropriate and walk away. You and your husband need to sit down with dad and talk to him as an adult. If dad hasn't always acted like this then it may be due to his life situation. Stay consistent with your responses. Let dad know you will be there to support him in any way you can. If he is a veteran contact your local veteran's clinic to see if he qualifies, you can also contact the local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services for info and assistance on in-home programs and caregiver support services. Maybe dad needs to get out, senior centers are a great place to eat lunch and meet others. Try to keep dad in the loop about family happenings so he doesn't feel left out.
Meds can really help. My sister with dementia believed everyone was stealing from her. She accused me, my friends, and our neighbors, and complained to everyone that I had stolen all her money. She was calling lawyers about it. (This was particularly ironic because I have been completely supporting her for more than 2 years!) I spoke with her neurologist about this, and he prescribed a tiny amount of an antipsychotic. She is now much happier, not worried about people stealing from her, and has no side effects. It fells like a miracle, but it's just chemistry.
Does he have dementia? You do not give us much information, so I will only say, if a person is mean to you, don't listen or better yet tell them to stop or they can find another place to live.
I have said this before elsewhere: my mom was doing this to me, saying whacky, mean, untrue things about me to friends and neighbors.
Then she was sent, by the AL, to a senior behavioral clinic for ten days and they got her meds fine tuned. She is now very nice, gracious, and happy.
The moral of the story? Start with a geriatric psychiatrist or doctor. They can refer you to the clinic (if needed). The advantage of the clinic is that it is fast. The alternative is to "keep trying things," which can go on for many months or even over a year until the fine- tuning is complete.
You are no doubt wondering about the cost. Insurance paid for all but $1,000. I happily paid that and and now enjoy visits with my mom.
Good advise but extremely difficult to do especially if they push your bottons! I have been keeping a journal it seems Mom is good for a few days and then very nasty for a couple....but with me no one else! As if she wants the fight!! I try to not answer or walk away yet sometimes she will follow me and continue! She is 80 and I am 61 so my patience level is not the greatest and sometimes I yell back! Then I feel bad for days and she acts like nothing happened. Sometimes it's like living in the Twilight Zone!
Agree with Rocknrobin if you don't hit the ball back to his court there is no one to play ball with. Tell him that you wont be spoken to like that and leave the room. The only part I disagree with is letting it go in one ear and out the other that can be hard to do. If he continues then find placement for him. The thing is you have choices and you don't have to be treated this way. No one not even the demented has the right to disrespect you. You don't have to live this way.
Leave the room. If he doesn't have an audience, it will die down. Let him know that you don't want to hear it and will he please stop. If not, walk out of the room. Then, you have to let it go in one ear and out the other.
It fells like a miracle, but it's just chemistry.
Then she was sent, by the AL, to a senior behavioral clinic for ten days and they got her meds fine tuned. She is now very nice, gracious, and happy.
The moral of the story? Start with a geriatric psychiatrist or doctor. They can refer you to the clinic (if needed). The advantage of the clinic is that it is fast. The alternative is to "keep trying things," which can go on for many months or even over a year until the fine- tuning is complete.
You are no doubt wondering about the cost. Insurance paid for all but $1,000. I happily paid that and and now enjoy visits with my mom.