How can I get my brother to recognize my Dad's vascular dementia?

My reaction to your opinions are different. I've pretty much come to the realization that I'm not in control of the situation. If God is for me; who can be Against me? I'm coveted. Thanks to everyone. It is very terrifying for all of us.

De Nile ain't just a river in Egypt.
People can act W E I R D when confronted with something as terrifying as illnesses, dementia, and the eventual loss of the parent they've depended on. Not everybody responds to this with calm ration, understanding, sympathy, and good will. It is shocking and disappointing that blood kin can turn into vicious cannibals under this kind of stress. It happens all the time.

Seems to me that you need an experienced attorney in this. Execute mom's will according to the law of the land and "Durn the Torpedos". It may very well be that you need to step away from the family fury for a time to let people calm down, protect your own well being, and wait for the right time for healing.

Talk to the attorney about options for the family business, if you have any stake in it, or if you need to walk away from it and be thankful you have what you do. It may very well get run right into the ground and that will be sad. You can't change other people, but you can control your participation in the crazy. You can limit contact with toxic people. You can do things that restore your soul and stability, safeguard your health and happiness.

In our family, we have had to let people completely go because of bad decisions, hard feelings, grudges, and manipulation. Never what anybody dreams of, but there were other relationships and people more important than trying to hang onto what was irreversibly broken. Peace in our home, harmony in our own family, and protecting our own interests were greater than any potential inheritance, finding justice to balance the bad things that happened, or pursuing any more legal actions.

Sending positive vibes and check back in to keep us updated on how it's going!

Doodlebug, there is only one way to save the business. Give brother his half of what you got and all will be much better. Do not let mom cut the family to pieces with a bad Will written in a snit of temper.

Yes he has had several mini strokes. I've seen him turn grey and not even know where he was or how he got there, and that was over 7 years ago. They ate called TIA's. They just don't want to accept the truth. My father plans on gobbling up the estate with a money grubbing lawyer. So far it looks like he has nothing to grasp but straws. My mothers new will supersedes the one done 4 years ago. My mother put me in charge and he is livid mad man. Brother has texted saying that if it goes my way, just to forget I ever had a brother. He was never that nice to me my whole life. Verbally and physically abusive. Now that I'm 55, I won't let them control me anymore. Now that mother is gone, I will be her voice, even if the stress is escrutiating. This will be difficult, but nothing I say or do will help my situation, but thanks for the feedback😢🙏😇

this can be very difficult, sometimes those closet to us don't see those little changes that add up. Your brother works in the family business, maybe he's to close to see it. has dad had strokes or mini strokes in the past. Maybe he needs a check up from is doctor. You can always call the doctor's office and speak with the nurse, state your concerns so the doctor knows when your dad goes in for his check up.

Doodle; what exactly makes you think that Dad has vascular dementia particularly? Does he visit his doctor regularly for well checks of his BP, etc? Do you ever accompany him to those visits?

This is a difficult situation, to be sure. You say you've lost your son. Will he not continue having a loving relationship with you?

My mother passed away in January. If she was still here, I don't think any of this would be happening. My brother is in total denial. The only ones that recognized the symptoms were my mother and I. I had nothing to do with her changing her last will. I had not even read it or watched the video taping of her last wishes. I believe that my mom knew exactly what she was doing. She was protecting her children. He had an affair during their 59 year marriage. She tried to trust him, but he always showed favoritism to my brother. I think she feared that he would re-marry and cut me out totally, which he had threatened so many times in the past. He had changed the executor to himself and also Trustee of everything. That's not how my mother had written it and she signed a new will he set in front of her without reading over it. Her mistake. But when she found this out, she changed it to the shock of everyone, including me. She left everything to me. She knew I was sensible and fare and would do the "RIGHT THING". All this did was keep him from selling out and leaving my brother and I no control. My brother cannot see the big picture yet, as he looks at it as "mother loved me more than him". Although it appears this way in writing, I can assure you, she loved both of her children. My brother will have nothing to do with me, and neither will the whole family. It's bad enough losing my mom, who I cared for, but now I've list my whole family, even my only son, because my dad supports him and his wife with a home and all bills paid. What 28 year old wouldn't love all the freebies? Lost in Despair, but full of Faith, Hope, & Love. This too shall pass, but WHEN? I'm not getting any younger and I'm a 3 time cancer survivor. Stress kills

Wow. Lots of He's in there. So you found in your dad's email information that you think leads him to think he has vascular dementia? He's married to your mother and she changed her will based on these emails? She told you this or you went with her?

Can you go with your parents to a doctor's appointment with the idea of having Dad tested for dementia? There are simple tests that the doctor can do and he might not even realize that he's being evaluated, but they can also do a brain scan if warranted. If Dad is having dizzy spells, that is probably not related to dementia and should be addressed. Especially if he's still driving. As far as your brother goes, he may be the type of person who needs more solid proof. Since he works at the family business, he's in a good position to keep an eye out for things on that front. Good luck and take a deep breath. This is a marathon, not a sprint.