How can I be patient with my mom when she says the same thing over and over again?

I am going through the exact same situation - it is extremely difficult. I love my Mom but I find my patience is wearing extremely thin. And just like you - I wish I could just have more patience... A friend who works with Alzheimer's patients (though my Mom doesn't have Alzheimer's) told me to just smile and nod because they won't remember words just feelings... She also pointed out my Mom is not herself all the time - sometimes she just wants to talk about the old days - other times she is just lonely and wants to talk just to be talking but as she never does anything new - she has to rely on her old memories.... I have tried it and I think there may be a learning curve for me because it hasn't worked thus far - or at least it doesn't work for long - I end up getting stressed anyhow.. As far as the meds go - I wrote out a list in very big print of the times and medicines to take and so far it has helped wonders... So basically, I have no solutions - just know there are others in your situation :) and you aren't alone!!!

I don't think there is a caregiver alive that does not get angry at times. The one being cared for can be a handfull. I have just started caring for my mother and sometimes I just want to scream.

When I feel that level of frustration coming on I step out for a few minutes. Sometimes I have to walk away many times in a short period of time.
My mother was not the best Mom. She has always had an issue with anger and now it is ten fold. But what are we going to do about it? Not much, just try to keep your own mental health in check

I am new to this site, and just reading the posts above have made me feel normal. I am the primary caregiver for my 86 year old grandmother. She still lives in her own apartment, but she has issues with her sight, and she's not as stable in her walking as she was 6 months ago. She's very insecure and very fearful. Her sons live out of state and provide very little support, and her daughter, my mom, has horrible anger issues, and resents her mother terribly. That leaves me! I have found that lately my patience level is wearing thin. I get so frustrated with my grandmother's constant complaining, and I have my own issues with her adult children, who view her as a burden, and rely way too much on me. I haven't had any outburts of anger in front of my grandmother, but my husband sure listens to me vent when I get home. God bless him, he's been a huge help to me. It's nice to know there are others who feel the same way.

Hi Moonbeam. I know how it is to lose it. My dad would keep closing the window, then I would open it, rewind-replay, rewind-replay. There were a ton of things, and it bugged me he couldn't change. But I lost my dad last week, and now I seem to have all the patience in the world, if he would just be in the room next door again. Just see the things you love about her, and know that the rest is just not her. Help her and the patience comes.

patience is a virtue (none of us are born with it, especially me LOL) My mother-in-law has al;zhemier's in the early stages, plus a hoarding issue with picture frames, LARGE hard covered books, and 33 rpm records. No short term memory so she either forgets she ate or forgets to eat, and handles her medication the same way. We have dozens of bags of cat food and litter, but she insists she is out of it when we go to the store. My father-in-law passed away early this year and he bascially took care of everything for her. My husband and I are retired and decided we could not take care of her from 1400 milkes away so we sold our ranch, I closed my small successful business and moved back to Mom's town. (We had planned for years for her to move out with us, but when push came to shove, she was not moving, refused to leave her "stuff" plus for her mental state it was best to leave her in her familiar environment) When we got back it was immediately clear that buying place even down the street would not work. There was no way she could live by herself and the house had so many issues that needed fixing. We have spent the last several months doing needed house repairs and slowly boxing up the 10,000 pounds of books and records and other "bargains", that were stacked floor to half way up the walls. We now have SEVEN rental storage units for our own things, plus Mom's stash! There were three rooms, you could not even walk three feet into. The basement is a nightmare of stinky, moldy piles of stuff, in some areas piled OVER MY HEA.D. We haven't even touched that yet. I'm saving it for another rainy day...lol... Since I had an antique business and hope to open another here sooner than later, just for my own sanity, I still go to the flea markets and auctions. Of course, Mom has to come with me, so you can see where that leads!!! more picture frames and books! I think I am wholly responsible for keeping Rubbermaid in business.
My husband and I, with our two dogs and OUR two cats are currently living in a 12x16 foot uninsulated Florida room (just peachy in our 90 degree heat) with a portable AC unit. I just cannot wait until winter :) Mom keeps trying to feed the cats dog cookies and visa versa. She doesn't understand why the cats don't like six inch dog bones! But the dogs do love the Friskies.
And to top this, according to Mom, she HAS NO PROBLEMS! There is absolutely nothing wrong with her, she can drive if she wants to, and despite all the credit card companies and utilities calling for mulitple late payments, has everything under CONTROL.
Anyway, the only way to deal with the issues is don't!!! Just take day by day. And keep a great sense of humor. Learn to laugh at most minor things and learn the phrase "oh Really" with meaning when she tells you the same story for the tenth time that week. Keep a large calendar she can read and write down reminders and highlights of the day as if they were appointments, like "go to Grocery store", "get hair permed", etc. (yes, two days after her hair perm, she claimed she hadn't gotten one and needed to make an appointment) Don't use the words "don't you remember...." or "you need to....", because she doesn't remember and she doesn't like a bossy daughter-in-law. Allow yourself a daily Calgon moment and pat yourself on the back every evening for doing such a marvelous job (even if there were three temper tantrums and the dog is throwing up from all the cat food) ,

It's true that you need to keep a sense of humor and more importantly find humor in mundane things as you care for an elderly loved one. But I also know, first hand, just how hard that is. I care for my 85, soon to be 86, year old father with multiple health conditions. There are times I just want to pull the covers over my head and pretend I'm anywhere but in this situation. However, I also know that when my dad is gone, I will cherish the moments I now find so frustrating. A friend who is also a physician helped us make some life and death decisions about my dad at a time when he was in critical condition. His words to me at the time were "Just love him". My father remarkably, and to everyone's surprise, recovered and 3 years later is still plugging along. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have said those words in my head when I lose my patience with him. At times it's my mantra. But it truly does help me to keep things in perspective and remember why I'm doing this - purely out of love. Good luck and know that you're not alone!

@kcandrick and Kuli2106, thanks to both of you for your posts. Kuli2106, I like your mantra, and if you don't mind, it's going to become mine also. Much success to everyone who posts here with issues concerning an elderly loved one.

I know this is sometimes very difficult. Just take one day at a time. When you feel like you have reached the end of your rope -- smile and count to ten. My mother and father suffer from Alzheimer's and most of the time it works for me. After counting, I try to answer their question with a big smile and a very pleasant voice. I know they will not remember the answer and ask again. But, they usually glow and chuckle like I gave them the world. If the count does not work for me, I remove myself from the room. Talk it through with myself and go back. First and foremost they are my parents. They could have aborted me as many people do today. But, instead they gave me the gift of live -- for that I am thankful. As a toddler and a young person, I must have asked them the same question over and over and over again. But ,I do not ever remember them being tired of answering my questions. So, my goal is always to show them love and respect and remember that some day, I may be wearing their shoes -- (Matthew 7:12) “All things, therefore, that YOU want men to do to YOU, YOU also must likewise do to them; this, in fact, is what the Law and the Prophets mean. . ." Keeping it as positive as you can means less wear and tear and stress on you. Just think of her as your little child. If you are not successful everyday -- none of us are -- just do not give up. You can do this. (smile) Look for the positive and enjoy the time you have with her now, because you do not know how her -- or your days -- are numbered. Wishing you the best and knowing you will be a successful, happy caregiver.

Moonbeam, maybe it would help if you could write out some notes for your mother in BIG BLACK PRINTED LETTERS. For example, you could leave one describing exactly how she should take her medication, how much, when, etc....and leave it in plain sight on the kitchen table. Anything having to do with eating food could be written on a note taped to the refrigerator door. The she wouldn't have to ask you repeatedly how to do things. Hope this helps....

One other suggestion as far as her medications is what I've done with my dad - i have 3 different colored weekly pill boxes that I set up for him once a week, labelled with magic marker as "morning", "noon" and "night". He keeps the pill boxes on the kitchen table where he can see them as he eats breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also purchased an alarm clock from a senior website that allow you to record messages to remind them in a familiar voice to take their medications or any other reminders throughout each day. My dad especially likes it because he forgets what day it is and this device also clearly displays the day, date and time. This may be an option to help with the medication issue.