What can I do to make my mother feel better if she has dementia and is going through a depression?

Kelly, you don't indicate if you live with your mom. The aggravation and mood swings likely symptoms of the disease. The depression is also a part of the disease. Consider how it must be: in lucid moments she knows she is not functioning as she once did. She doesn't want to face that and there is no way to escape it.

You can't feel responsible for "making her feel all hope isn't lost". You can only keep a positive, reassuring attitude with her. I

It's okay to set boundries! You have to take care of yourself, too. If you can do so kindly you will feel good about the interactions. If she doesn't allow that, accept responsibility for your own behavior and reactions and blame her attitudes/outbursts on the disease - over which neither one of you has any control.

As I said earlier today, we can't keep beating ourselves up. Protect your heart and your own life. After all, our parents had their lives and we are still entitled to ours. So we need to take care of them with love and kindness but remain true to ourselves. (I need to listen to my own words here!) God Bless!!

There are many anti-depressants which help someone suffering from dementia - depression and mood swings. A geriatric psychiatrist is a good avenue to pursue.

I have given my mother a kitten so that she feels that she is needed by "someone". Mom is used to being a caregiver, so this is the perfect solution for her.

Also, she has a part time caregiver who acts as her friend/companion which helps enormously. I no longer need to provide a psychologist to deal with her depression.

Keeping her physically active with yoga, dance or sound input (a Bose radio) is not only stimulating, but well appreciated. The radio station is kept on a classical station to keep her from being anxious.

She also has lunch/dinner with residents that are active and talkative. They know that she has dementia and help her along in conversation.

These are some things that I have done for her. Let me know the response you get from your Mother/Father.

I would encourage you to get your Mom on some medication that will help her. Many Many medications are available. If she does not want to take the medication, maybe you can get her some counseling. This is not easy I know... take care God Bless!

Hopefully she is receiving some meds to help her with her depression or at least some natural remedies for depression, teas etc. . Then here are a few fun suggestions...that I used with my own mother. Hug her often and tell her how much you love her...how happy you are that she is your mother. ...Be playful... Sit down beside her...hold her close and sway back and forth together. Give her little surprises...a little trinket or something that she can take care of...perhaps a little plant. My mother loved to receive gum. Tell her something good about how she looks or what makes her special. Make a plan so she has something to look forward to.. Another good thing that is calming is to syncronize your breath with hers and just hold her. Look into her face and smile with your eyes as well as your mouth. and say I love you. Smiles are catching! These things all feel wonderful even when not suffering from depression. It is so nice to share love and hugs with all those special people in our lives. You hang in there....You are a good daughter to be concerned about your mother...I am sure that you are doing everything right...it is just that it is really h--l to be old and have all these ailments. God bless you and your mother....hugs for you. ~ Bobbi

I am going through a similar situation and I find that the best approach for me is just to be steady and calm in my response. In other words, I am trying to no react. My mother is in a retirement home so I go and see her and if she's depressed, then I have a bad visit but I can leave and carry on. I just don't get into any conflict with her. I just nod and listen and don't say very much. This is easier said than done but it works for me. Also, we have seen a geriatric psychologist and I am hoping he will prescribe an anti-depressant but that hasn't happened yet. Hope this helps and good luck.

We had this problem with FIL. Got him on an anti-depressant after his physcian assessed him. Two weeks later - happy man. (AS long as I have known him he has NEVER been happy. Evidently, he was depressed for a long long time).

I just read previous responses & all of them are correct. Depression & dementia do go hand in hand. It is very difficult to re-train yourself to not react to the extreme mood swings. I find that laughter is truly the best medicine when & if you are capable of redirecting your mother's mind set at the time. Before I truly realized the nature of the disease I would also try to contradict my mother's thinking & actions to no avail & would beat myself up after because of the conflict we had. My advice is to take the advice from the other respondants as far as medication to help alleviaye some of these issues. Watching your parent's frustration first hand is not easy but being creative with redirection of their thoughts helps tremendously. Don't debate or try to battle the issue because it is a futile effort & too wearing on yourself.

I love the ideas here! Thanks so much! I found the meds for Depression did not work for my Dad. They only made things worse. The hardest thing I found with Dad is he is hard of hearing so misunderstands and gets his feelings hurt very often. Hearing aids work part of the time but he thinks he doesn't need them and then losses them too. Hugs, smiles, "I love you's" go a long way to beat depression.

Kelly, the other posters are correct ... depression often does accompany dementia. Depression is also treatable. The other behavioral issues such as mood swings, and inappropriate anger may also be treatable.

If your mother developed a severe persistent cough, you would probably take her to a professional to have it evaluated and treated. This is the same deal. She has developed signs of depression. I hope that you can take her to a geriatric psychiatrist or a neurologist who specializes in dementia, and get a treatment plan in place. Be aware that prescribing for conditions of the brain involves some experimentation, because no two brains are identical. If the first drug does not help, there are several others that might.

Meanwhile, know that the "real" mother is still in there. She can't help her bad moods. Keep reminding yourself that it is the disease, not your real mother, that is demanding and needy. Certainly it is frustrating. But you need to go about your own life in a way that the "real" mother would approve, not be cowed by the disease. Surely your mother wants you to have a life. She can't help what the disease is doing to her.

There is no cure for dementia; it gets worse. But there are treatments for many of the accompaning symptoms. I hope that consulting with the right kind of professional will allow more of your real mother to come forward.

Hugs, smiles, little surprises, treats, and patience are all very appropriate, too!